Adult Jellies: Have any of you had such bad relationships with your parents that you just gave up?

Oh yeah, I gave up on my mom and moved out at 17 yrs old, basically hated her guts at the time. Now she is completely off alcohol and our relationship is wonderful. Parents are just people, like us.

My mother-in-law is very controlling and gets mad and won’t talk to us if we anger her or disagree with her or tell her no on something, but sweet as pie if you agree with everything she says and does. Needless to say, we don’t hang out much even though we do love her. Good luck.

Haven’t spoken a word to my mother since October of 2007.

And that includes my grandmother’s deathbed. Not counting that day, I haven’t laid eyes on her, either.

Reverse that, my dad fucked off when I was six, seen him maybe a dozen times since, last time being…I can’t remember when. All his own work though & certainly his loss.

For the long version -

Yeah, gave up the whole “chillin’ with Mom” thing. But it’s not like we ever had a really good relationship. Frankly, we didn’t like each other. She never wanted me in the first place, and had no problem screaming that fact from the rooftops, or whispering it behind my back to gossippy church-ladies.

So, I was never under the impression that I was going to be enjoying a long life of warm cuddly mother-daughter friendship.

Sure, I’d hope for it, but realistically, never gonna happen.

I was more than happy to break it off with her. Most of the time, I tell people that my mother is dead, or that I simply “don’t have family”.

It was really really hard being pregnant without family support, and raising a kid with no family support. It’s hard to go through the normal shit of life – arguments with your spouse, an illness, whatever – without family support.

But I wasn’t going to have that support anyway. So I still have no support, I just also have no added stress with it.

Until I started worrying about her inflicting stress on my brother, who’s trying his damnedest to become a self-sufficient adult. And we can’t be having that, can we, Mother?

@Seek_Kolinahr That is just terrrible to make a child feel unloved an unwanted, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

Even though my mom was a working single parent, she loved the crap out of me and still does, and tells me so all the time. Sure she’d get drunk and knock me about a bit, but not enough to call ‘abuse’ or anything, which is the only reason I am able to put it behind me as an adult, that I never doubted the love even with drugs and alcohol.

My Dad and I.

We hadn’t spoken in years when he died last spring. Still up in the air over how I feel about it.

I pretty much gave up on my mother although I did see her some. However, in your situation I think you have to decide which is more important to you. If you need the house and the babysitting then you kind of have to have something of a relationship with your mother. If you want to distance yourself almost completely then you have to give up the goodies you get from them first.

I ended my relationship with my father when he once again proved that he was incapable of considering other people’s needs or positions. He moved to another state, and I allowed him to stay in touch with my son but I did not respond to him and I put the checks he mailed for my birthday through the shredder. He passed away about 5 years later and I have not had any problems with guilt because of it. I had no unfinished business with him.

My relationship with my mother is much more complex. Like your mother, she is very critical and I have lingering anger because she did not protect me from sexual abuse as a child, and claims she had no idea it was happening (as a mom, I’ve always had a sense when something is wrong with my child). My son and I had to move in with her after my divorce and we lived there from the time my son was 6–19 years old. She was still working when he was younger, but still helped out dropping him at school in the mornings and watching him when I went out on weekends. He is pretty close to her still, although he also found her difficult to live with. I thought that once I moved out, I’d cut off communication with her, also. However, it has not worked out that way – mostly because of my son. We invite her over to dinner once in a while, and my son goes to see her when he goes back to visit friends. She has has made me POA and executor. My brother had to deal with that for our father, and the other brother is distant in all regards, plus I have more medical knowledge. So here I am in an awkward position, and trying to come to terms with it.

I don’t know how you’d be able to detach while still having your parents as landlords and involved in your daughter’s life. I hope you find your peace.

Yep. I had an on off relationship with my now deceased mother. My dad pops up whenever he feels like it and expects everyone to bow and welcome him with open arms. It’s been more than a year
since I’ve seen him. Oh, well.

Two of my sisters gave up on my mom this past year. My mom was very controlling and just an all around bitch to them. I didn’t blame them. They didn’t speak to mom for months.

Mom had a ruptured brain aneurysm 7 weeks ago. Now all we want is our mom back. Most days we don’t even know if she recognizes us.

I haven’t given up on her, I just keep a lot of distance. She isn’t bad mom compared a lot of bad moms out there, but there are still things I don’t like about her.

I fully gave up any relationship with my dad (from my teen years on) until my son was born. At that point my husband & I tried to allow my dad to know our son as best he could. By that point my dad was slipping quickly due to alcoholism and smoking. His last week (son was then age 2) of life I dropped everything and pretty much moved into his ICU room. After life-long verbal abuse from him, he was ready on his death bed to make amends.

We have cut ties to my husband’s parents 99%. They live less than a mile away in the same village. Due to their lack of compassion, understanding and willingness to make amends/apologize we decided it would be best for our family to cut the toxic out. The only thing we allow is emails or drop off of cards/gifts to our son. We allow zero moments of time spent with our son, unless it’s my husband’s mother popping over for a moment (out in our yard) on her own with us present while she talks to our son.

There are other family members we have cut out, and others we’ve chosen to distance ourselves from. In all cases we’ve felt that the relationship in question was not worth the emotional energy expenditure nor the amount of toxicity the person(s) brought into the relationship.

I didn’t no. But by all accounts I should have. I spent a very miserable decade caring for them. When really I should have walked away for many reasons. Some say it blessed me in some way. I feel it wrecked me to be honest.

However, no parent is perfect, if yours give you good advice and help with your daughter is might be worth sticking about. But maybe just spend less time with them. Unless of course you move out? Really that is your choice.

I have another family member that I have been advised to keep contact to a minimum since he is violent and manipulating. It is so hard. Did I learn my lesson the first time around? Not sure.

Unfortunately yes. My relationship with my dad is now non existent. We used to be so close. He wanted me to choose between himself and my boyfriend. I am still with my boyfriend and I have not spoken to my dad in 3 years now. I tried to make contact last year and he asked me if I were still with him, and I said yes. He hung the up the phone. Its a horrible situation, I miss him so much.