What am I doing wrong?

How often are you calling and/or texting a day?

Did you set up second dates with either of the girls?

Maybe they found out they know each other? You also might just have to decide which one you like the best before you try to be exclusive.

@chyna Both of them were calling me as soon as they woke up and any breaks they had at work. I woke up before either one for my work but can answer/use my phone. But I would text them good morning and stuff before they ever called me. and when I got off work would text them to see how their day was going. Then I would get a phone call when they got off work.

@bkcunningham Yes on the first girl and sort of on the second becasue it was a longer distance and weather screwed it up.

@JulieAnne They live in completely seperate towns and actually states too. ( I live close to the border of two states.) I don’t think that is it because I met them about 3 weeks aprt from each other.

So maybe it isn’t anything you did or didn’t do at all. Maybe they just met other guys and moved on.

@chyna You think that’s it? After 2 girls in a row that I really liked and they couldn’t stop telling me how great I am. It just doesn’t feel like coincidence to me.

What does it feel like to you?

So you went on two dates with the first girl? And you say a second date with the second girl got delayed because of weather. Did you reschedule that date with her?

@bkcunningham The second girl is really recent as in she called me when she got off work last night and today I haven’t heard anything from her. I texted her this morning and once whenI got off work. But yes last night even she was talking about coming down to see me. We didn’t officially make plans but she was the one that brought it up.

@chyna I really don’t know at this point. All I know is that whatever it is it feels like crap.

I personally think you should give the second girl more time. It has only been one day since you’ve corresponded. If you have either of their phone numbers, call them and make plans for real date. A date in advance. Not a date where you say let’s go out tonight. A date that gives you both time to anticipate seeing each other. Plan something special and nice.

What happened after the second date with the first girl? Did she stop answering her phone?

Ok so if this helps this is the text I got from the first girl after I hadn’t heard from her from a couple days I texted her asking why she wasn’t talking to me. She said “Your just intense and you’re just way to much for me and I think your a great guy I’m just not looking for anything right now and I like being single. You just make me feel suffocated a It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you I just have work and other things that cosume my time. I’m sorry.”

@bkcunningham Yes. The day after our second date she still corresponded with me a little but the day after that was when she stopped.

Well, @ryan9305, she was honest. You have to respect that. Apparently she thought you were coming on a little too strongly. That doesn’t mean you aren’t handsome, a nice or interesting person. Just that you most likely called or texted too much.

Sometimes it is better to leave things to the imagination. Maybe that isn’t the best way to put it. Let me think. Sometimes it is better to take things slowly. One phone call a day and leave her thinking about you. Give her just enough to know that you are interested and like her, but let her breath and let her use her imagination.

Have you heard the old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? It can be true sometimes. It can be scary just meeting a guy and he comes on too strong and calls too much, or texts too much or comes by your place of work or home uninvited. It takes some of the thrill out of getting to know somebody. It takes away the suspense.

I say just slow down a little. Find a happy moderation.

@ryan9305 Go easy. Women love it when you give them space and let them move things along. Relax and take your time.

If you are really interested in finding out what we think, why not post a sample text that you sent to one of them? It sounds like you know what they are responding to, just perhaps not why. For one of them to be texting “intense” and “way too much” and “suffocated” within the same text… this has to be coming from somewhere.

@glacial Ok so for the first girl it was “Good morning, hope you have a great day.” She sent me a picture on the 4th day that we had been talking. Just a face pic. Not a nude and I didn’t even ask for the pic. So I sent back “Thanks for the pic. You are really beautiful.” She said thanks. I would give them compliments on their eyes and tell them they are beautiful or pretty and let them know that I liked the way they make me feel.

Well, unless you’re texting her all day, I don’t see anything in that. I don’t think we can answer your question.

What a minute. How did you meet these two girls?

@ryan9305 That is going over the top after a short time. I’d wait six or so months before I go the You’re beautiful route. Same for how they make me feel. I know that’s a long time but it let’s you both get comfortable with the other.

“Let them know I like the way they make me feel.” What do you mean, @ryan9305? That too sound pretty intense to have only been on one or two dates.

The first one was at a bar in the town that I live in. She is also from here but both of us were the DD’s that night for our friends. That’s kinda how we got started talking actually. She was staying sober to drive her friends and I was staying sober to drive mine. No none of my or her friends knew each other.

The second girl I met in my hometown which isn’t very far away but it’s a lot smaller. I met her when I was up helping my parents. ( They own a ranch and it was time to brand our calves) And I was at the local bar and she was in there with some other people I know and when they took off she stuck around. And she got talking with my mom and ended up coming out the next day to help us brand. She moved to my hometown about a year ago after I moved away.

@bkcunningham After they sent a compliment my way on how much they were missing me or how bad they wanted a kiss form me. I would say “Me too. You make me feel special” or “You have no Idea how good you make me feel.”

It sounds like inappropriate small talk to me. Maybe because you don’t really know each other well enough to say anything more meaningful. Call me old fashioned, @ryan9305, but do you think that kind of talk is a little forward when you’ve only just met someone? It sounds like a conversation you’d have with your lover or at the very least someone you’ve known longer than one or two dates.

@bkcunningham You’re right. I don’t know what else to say. I guess I was just expressing how I felt at that exact moment and I shouldn’t have.

I’m not fussing at you, @ryan9305. I understand how easy it is to get caught up in the moment. Just take it slowly. If you are really interested in having a meaningful relationship, take your time and get to know each other before you say such intimate things to each other. Who knows, it may be a blessing that it didn’t go any further with the first girl. You may not have liked her after you got to know her anyway. It is her loss. Right?

You are worth getting to know and you are certainly worth more than one or two dates. It is like deer hunting. If you got a deer the first day of deer season and in only a few minutes of getting into the woods, what would there be to look forward to?

I think love is like planting a garden. Sometimes we have a really pretty day in February. It feels like the winter is finally over and it is time to plant our seeds. But winter really isn’t over. If you plant now, the seed will most likely sprout but the tender plant won’t make it when the cold comes back and another snow hits the ground. Wait. Wait until it is time. There is a time for everything and the first few days of a new relationship may not be the appropriate time to call two or three times a day or text a half dozen times. It really isn’t the right time to talk about how somebody makes you feel so good or how you want to kiss them.

This is the end of my advise and my letter. Love, from your mother…lol You’ll be okay and the right girl will come along. Just take it slow and easy.

I didn’t think you were fussing at me @bkcunningham. It might have sounded like I was being a smartass but I wasn’t. And your last answer is really good too. I will take your advice to heart. Now for another question and maybe some more advice. The second girl all I texted her today was Good morning this morning of course and when I got off work 3 hours ago I asked her how her day was. She just replied back to me “busy but good” What should I do?

What time is it where you are?

9:00 p.m.

If it were me, I’d just text back: I’m glad you had a good day. It is getting late and I’m getting ready to call it a night, but I was wondering what day you’d be available for a nice date night? Maybe dinner and a movie?

I wish @Adirondackwannabe was still awake and would give his input. But I don’t think that sounds bad. I wouldn’t text with her all night. Tell her you are glad she had a good night and ask her out and try to set a date. :)

@bkcunningham I’m still up but tired.

Me too. It is 11:22 here, @ryan9305. But I’m curious to see what she says.
Fingers crossed.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

@ryan9305 I’ll sleep on this tonight and reply tomorrow.

@bkcunningham Do you know how much that means to me that you value my thoughts that much?

I don’t know the answer to that, @Adirondackwannabe. I really do value your thoughts and opinion though. I really do. You are kind and always seem to think things through from all angles. You are funny too. I always trust your opinion.

I say maybe a few texts per day and an evening phone call in the beginning.

When weekend rolls around, ask for a date (not last minute but maybe Wednesday or Thursday do the asking).

@bkcunningham Since she is a little under 2 hours away I just sent to her “I’m glad you had a good day. I had a crazy day and am super tired so I am gonna call it a night. Can I call you tomorrow?” She replied “Yeah that’s fine.” I will ask her on a date over the phone tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes.

I think you are really beautiful too, @Adirondackwannabe. And your eyes are gorgeous and your smile makes me want to kiss your lips. I hope I’m not suffocating you or moving too fast. ~

Sorry. I couldn’t resist. The giddiness is setting in.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Let her sleep on it now and dream about you calling. Plan a really nice date too.

@bkcunningham Lol. Don’t be sorry I found it funny too. Thanks for all the advice. I really value your opinion. Hope that’s not to much to soon.

No. I do hope I helped. You sound really intelligent. I hope this turns into, at the very least, a few super nice dates and good memories. Maybe it will be more. Please, do keep us updated. I hope you have a wonderful night. Thanks for the conversation. Good night.

Good Night.

Please post an update as to how the relationship(s) turn out.

Good luck!

JCA
The Update Lady

I haven’t read past the details to know the feeling of being taken advantage off… You gave them stuff and they played you. I had that happen to me in university when the money ran out my friends dumped me and blamed me for failing at being a boyfriend… I hurt for so very long until I realized that I was played and now I moved on. I even have one as a friend on Facebook.

I haven’t read the other answers. Sorry if its a repeat. Google yourself and see what they might have found out about you.

Just lay off a while and one of them will get back to you. It has all been a bit intense and whirlwindish.

Never underestimate how much single girls found ”...out on the town…” want to be talked dirty to. Are you attempting to make them feel really sexy? Worth considering, I mean, if you want to maximize the potential of a one time meeting becoming more.

Look, sorry, but chances are these gals make a few contacts every week, or month. Most every dude will try to be the nice, polite, intelligent… blah blah… just like mamma taught them. That’s cool for when relationships develop, and it’s time to meet the parents. But this is not that time. This is the arena where singles prowl to satisfy wanderlust fantasy. They want to tell great tales of that magical encounter. Ladies, no matter how classy, or conservatively raised, expect at least one encounter in their lives to show 9–½ Weeks Potential.

Contrary to current popular culture, not many ladies out there are truly looking for nice guys with all the first date potential of Maxwell.

Are you sure you didn’t mix up the two girls in texts and say something to one that you really meant for the other?

So you went out once and then you were texting them morning and night? And phoning in the evening (or they were phoning you)?

Both of them were calling me as soon as they woke up and any breaks they had at work. I woke up before either one for my work but can answer/use my phone. But I would text them good morning and stuff before they ever called me. and when I got off work would text them to see how their day was going. Then I would get a phone call when they got off work.

Sounds like you came on too strong. You have to find the balance between showing interest and appearing desperate. Desperate is never attractive. After one date you aren’t dating. If you were texting and calling me every day after one date I would have alarm bells going off and I’d be backing off. I’m not suggesting you follow rules like ‘don’t contact them for three days’ but don’t over do it either. Let them text you first some days. Hold off until you hear from them and then wait a little while to respond. Say you were in class/with your boss or something. Don’t text them every morning and evening until you really are dating and if she seems to want that.

There is a possibility that they knew you get along with them at the same time, and date not to contact you.

Consider this:

Any girl that comes on to you quickly, as that is her nature, is likely to come on to any guy who appeals to her just as quickly. And some guys move faster to… well, whatever it is they have in mind to do: “start a relationship” or “take her to bed” or anything in between.

Understand, I’m not saying you did anything wrong or too slowly or badly in any way. I’m saying that she is who she is, and she very likely kept finding other guys who also appeal to her. (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong in what she’s doing, either.)

It’s nice to find that girl who seems really into you right off the bat (and two at nearly the same time is especially nice, even if disconcerting), but I’ve had the best success in my own life with the ones who require a bit more subtle persuading, a little wooing and courtship. In my mind, and in my own life experience, “the process” of getting closer is a lot more enjoyable than “great, I’ve got her; now what do I do with her?” I’m not saying that end result is bad in any way, either! But “the process”, oh, what fun that can be!

@ryan9305 I think you’re pushing the women out of their comfort zone and they back away as a defensive gesture. Go easier, with a lot less initial contact or even let them set the pace. I know when I get aggressively pursued my walls go up. It doesn’t matter how attractive the woman is, if she comes on strong early I go defensive. After we really get to know each other I’m game for anything. Try going easier and see how it works.

I find when I meet guys or girls at bars they remain as friends, in my honest opinion I also think bars are good for picking up one night stands. Outside of that pretty much all the people I dated I met online, so you may want to try a reputable dating site? Match.com is actually kinda cool, they also host meet ups locally as well.