How do you know you are loved if you are not told?

Yeah; I get the question. He only responds after I say it first. And only if. But it’s so obvious to me. He seems like he calculates how to give me whatever I want. He has killed himself trying to make my daughter happy and spent a lot of dough, too. He talks to her so sensibly, so calmly; no one else does that. He is gentle , not loud , not insulting. He’ll get what he knows I want from the grocery store when I haven’t even mentioned it. When he gets himself a nice computer he just has to get me one too even if I don’t say anything. He’ll act sad if I don’t watch a certain tv show with him. A lot of it is intangible. You have to just know someone for a very long time to realize how much they care. Do I sometimes annoy him ? Definitely. Does he hush me up during certain tv shows? Sure. I do the same thing. He simply wants me to be happy and comfortable. You just know. Would I like it if he’d say “I love you” first? You better believe I’d like it. It’s just not him and I am not going to suggest it.

Such a nice answer, thank you. I get what you’re saying, it makes a lot of sense. Something to think about. Also, sounds like you have a great man, and your daughter a great stepdad.

Some people have trouble verbalizing. They would rather show.

I know this personally I struggle with telling family I love them the most. I do, its just something that makes me really uncomfortable to say. I have been trying to change that despite my efforts I still find it hard to choke the words out when they say it. But I do because I know it is important for them for me to say it.

Men show love through actions. Does he make her pitchers of iced tea (ir anything else she likes)? Does he make sure her car is cared for?

That doesn’t mean she does not like to hear the words.

I’ve not been reticent in stating my love when I felt it was an appropriate time in the relationship. But much of my expression is in trying to demonstrate it rather than just saying it.

Depends how it get’s returned. If someone is willing to say it to me I have no problem saying it to them. I’ll say it anytime. But never say it to me and you’re not getting it from me. Love is a two way street. It’s lots of give and take.

I’ve been verbally told that I was loved, but didn’t feel it from them; love, admiration, respect and caring are best conveyed through actions… words can be empty. My sweetie both shows and tells me that he loves me, and for the first time in my life, I feel loved unconditionally.

I guess I wonder why it matters if you are told or not? Actions speak far louder than words in this case.

Some very interesting points here. If you have been with someone for years and never heard it, but have been shown it, do we need the words to truly know it?

I wasn’t and I didn’t.

Surely you realize people can say that and not mean it, right?

The best communication of love isn’t vocal, it’s through the eyes (although hearing the words once in a while is a nice plus). But when love vanishes from the eyes, no amount of cursory affection is enough.

I know I’m loved because of the things my husband does to me and for me. When he’s busy and I go and find him and talk to him, he stops what he’s doing to kiss the end of my nose or my forehead. He rests his hand on my lower back when we’re out and about or he holds my hand.

He wakes me up with a cup of tea and a kiss every morning and takes the time to sit and talk with me as we start our day. He cooks and does housework. He listens when I’m worried or stressed. He thinks I’m funny, intelligent, beautiful and sexy. He thinks about and cares about my needs. He tells me when I thinks I’m talking crap or he thinks I’m wrong. He does it respectfully.

He rarely spontaneously says “I love you” but I absolutely know he does.

@Bellatrix That’s beautiful. I can’t think of a better way to show love without words. I’m so happy for both of you.

@Bellatrix: Does he have any brothers not yet spoken for?

@gailcalled Hey, you’re spoken for.:)

Yeah, but Milo can’t make tea or do housework, yet.

Milo, shape up. This isn’t rocket science.

Milo here; Rocket science I can do. It’s that damed strainer in the tea pot. (She insists on freshly brewed tea, of course, being the prima donna that she is.)

Milo, I think you need to develop a thumb so you can work the strainer. She obviously loves love even though she’s a prima donna. This is still about love mods even if we’re getting a little silly. Okay?

^^^MIlo here again; Remember that I do have thumbs but they are so far down on each front paw that they are not very helpful except for ripping screens and Persian carpets to shreds.

I feel very loved when my husband calls me into the room because he wants to share a funny TV show. When he wants me to take golf lessons with him. That he constantly grabs me. I could go on. Basically, he wants to be with me, and he tells me that he values my opinions and tells me he is having a great day when we are together. If he does all that and never says he loves me, it would be enough, but it is nice to hear it. He does tell me. I grew up in a family that never said it.

Definitely don’t need the words when the actions, emotions, deeds and thoughts are there. I know people (myself included) who may not utter the words but are even more dedicated, sensitive and willing to sacrifice than others who say those words at the drop of a pin. Actions DO speak louder than words.

Actions speak louder then words, but sometimes people need words and at that point it is our job to reconize that and be sensitive to it and comply. In that sense words become the action.

It took my boyfriend three years to actually say the words but I never doubted that he loved me even before he said it. His actions proved to me that he loved me and that’s harder to fake than saying words is, in my opinion.

I asked this question because I have been with my partner for 6 years now and he has never said it to me. He does such wonderful things for me, and I know he would do anything for me. I don’t know, I kind of feel that if he loved me, he would tell me. I feel like until he does tell me, he could easily walk away or meet someone else. He says if he didn’t want me, he wouldn’t be with me. Ive read some wonderful replies here, and feel more confident about things.

@Headhurts Yes, feel confident in his evident actions. As @hearkat notes “words can be empty”.

I’ve been with women who “love” this and “love” that and when I heard she “loves” me in the same tone of voice it’s hard to think that in itself means anything – or in fact it means her love for me is as superficial as her love for a well-brewed cup of tea.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the words are nice to hear, but the kindness and thoughtfulness has to be there first. Personally I’m maybe only a little more vocal about it than a typical male but my wife knows I really mean it when I say it, and from all the ways I am supportive, nurturing etc..

Some men aren’t good with words and feelings. They aren’t all terribly demonstrative. Sounds like you’re feeling a bit insecure. Have a talk to him about how you’re feelng. He sounds like a good guy… but he is who he is so don’t spoil things by insisting he try to be someone he isn’t.

@Headhurts Do you say it to him?

@JLeslie yes I do.

@Bellatrix he sounds so wonderful !!