Men... are you intimidated by muscular/strong women?

If by “it,” you mean your muscles, I would have to say that as a generality, no. Men are usually drawn to a million different things in women, and vice versa.

Muscular women tend to have nice, tight bodies. No turn off there.

Could be because fewer men find women with bulging muscles are attractive. Not that none do, but you may be fishing in the wrong creek.

For example, I wouldn’t go to a football game looking for a person who’s into geeky girls and can tell the difference between a Romulan Warbird and a Klingon Bird-of-prey.

Yeah….I just saw your avatar. Men may be turned off by women who look like weight lifters. I was thinking more along the lines of volley ball or basket ball players.

If you are a weight lifter, have you tried to meet guys in your gym? Do you have other interests besides body building?

@Seek_Kolinahr

Romulan Warbird

Klingon Bird-of-prey

@Dutchess_III Your Googling skills are incredible. ^_^

I guess you have to decide what’s more important to you…having the body of a weight lifter or having dates. You could still be muscular and strong, just not bulging. That way you could have both.

@Seek_Kolinahr I know! I amaze myself!

@Dutchess_III I am not changing myself to find someone,either I find someone who accepts, and likes me and my goals, or I will stay single.

Good for you.

@Dutchess_III thank you.

@shehulk13: Can’t get a date to save my life.

Either I find someone who accepts and likes me and my goals, or I will stay single.

Which statement takes precedent?

(Your user name is telling.)

:D

It’s not intimidation, I’m just not attracted to that. I like my women big and fluffy, lol.

Intimidation asserts that the person has something to be afraid of. Since I’m not a violent person, I rarely think about any form of violence. I don’t look at people and wonder if they can beat me up or if I can beat them up. I will acknowledge that they are strong, yes, but the thought process is more like “I bet they are really fit, I wonder how much work they put into the gym to look like that.”

If you walk around looking like you do in your photo, it looks more like you’re looking for a fight than a date.

Body language says a lot—you don’t have to change yourself but if you change the message you’re sending out, you would have a better chance. I know quite a few guys who love muscles on women.

@gailcalled neither statement takes precedent when it was asked as a social question.
my username was me just me being silly. no need to over-analyze it.

No, but it sounds like a lot of fun. Sign me up, superwoman.

Oh, welcome to Fluther, and just kidding. I’m happily married. But muscles would be no turnoff to me.

I don’t think I would use the word intimidated, maybe they aren’t attracted to it, but for sure some men will be. Different strokes for different folks. I find very muscular men and women unnatractive. Not only does it not attract me, but I tend to infer that they are probably too obsessed with building muscle, and their life and mind revolves around it. I would guess that is not always true, but it often is. People in the gym 3+ hours a day every day does not fit with my daily life well. The same way if they were very religious and going to church every day. And, I go to the gym about 4 times a week and on other days I swim or walk, something, so exercise is important to me, but when it crosses a line it becomes too much for me. But, that’s me.

@linguaphile I never walk around like I posed in my photo,I don’t even do that in the gym.
I am not looking for a fight in anyone, I’m a very peaceful person.

I’m not attracted by overly bulked up men. I’m not intimidated by them, just not attracted.

@JLeslie you infer wrong. I have many other interests, and I know a lot of bodybuilders men and women who do as well… that is a huge, wrong misconception.

@Dutchess_III well, then your opinions are really not needed, if you are a woman. Because I’m a woman asking men their opinion

@shehulk13 You said you are happy with yourself and seriously, if you have the self-discipline to exercise that much, you have my respect.

You asked for our opinion with very little information so I only have first impressions to go on.

If exercise is what makes you feel good- then keep that up.

Perhaps you should have specified that you wanted ONLY men to answer.

…And not put this question in “social”...

@linguaphile thank you. people often make wrong first impressions… I should have been more specific

@Dutchess_III I did state I wanted only men to answer… my question started with it being directed at men.

No I do not think men are the least bit intimidated by it.

I do think most probably find it a turn off and that’s the reason you can’t get a date to “save your life.” Has nothing to do with intimidation. Lack of attraction and a bad attitude are the reasons.

@gailcalled a question should be put in social when it is not looking for a very fact based black and white answer. A question belongs in social when it is looking for personal opinion of a social nature.

And you are getting opinions of a social nature. You don’t seem to like them very much.

The answers have all been personal opinions of a social nature; you do not like any of them, it seems. You do seem, however, to enjoy the call and response (and many PMs), which can go on forever.

I’m outta here.

@Dutchess_III Actually, it does intimidate some men, I know that for a fact, I’ve heard it out their own mouths. And a person cannot judge someone’s attitude by the way they look.

Perhaps your confrontational nature, and not the muscles, is the major turn-off?

^^^Ah, you’re here. Good.

She caught the first Klingon Warbird home when she heard!

@gailcalled I never said I liked or disliked any of the answers, I gave my honest response. If you people can’t debate, maybe you shouldn’t be answering any questions. As far as PM’s, That was how I first figured out how to respond on fluther, notice I stopped once I figured out how to respond this way.

So, what is your definition of “intimidated”? Do you think they’re afraid of you?

I’m not a man, but I am a muscular woman. When I was fit, I was built like gymnast rather than a body builder, and when I spent 6 weeks in central Asia I was able to out-armwrestle every man on our construction crew. And I’ve never had any issues with not being asked out.

@Seek_Kolinahr I’m not confrontational at all, I have given honest responses. If I were confrontational, I wouldn’t gave given any of the answers good answer marks.With your first few being some of them, and I wouldn’t say thank you.

Yeah, I stopped responding after two or three. Though it wasn’t so much the rudeness as the lack of understanding of the concept of an analogy. I believe @shehulk13 was convinced that I was suggesting she attend sporting events. I haven’t the inclination to further explain simple sentences.

@shehulk13 – You have been incredibly confrontational, from the offset. You came here, asked a question, and we answered it. Honestly. Somewhat brutally honestly, but that’s rather par for the course at Fluther. “Why don’t people liiiike meee?” questions don’t get a particularly fair shake here. And for good reason. We want topics that make us think, not so much topics that stroke the egos of random strangers.

Look, all in all, you’re doing just fine. Pursue your interests. Do what makes you happy. Maybe you’ll find someone who will love you just the way you are. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

If you find the magical “Perfect Man” button, clue us in, would you?

@syz I have been told quite a few times that its a turn off, by men…. as well as been told its a turn on. I do keep it more private though, I don’t go around showing off, or trying to show my strength, so I’m not sure what the issue is…

What is it you’re looking for? Why did you ask this question?

@Seek_Kolinahr I am not trying to be confrontational, just “brutally honest”. you assumed and believed wrong once again.When I responded about sporting events, I was just going with how you said you wouldn’t goo there looking to find a geeky woman.. I was just saying I don’t go to them so. I would’t be looking there for a date at all. As far as being analyzed, that’s fine, if it’s correct, and not just a wrong assumption. I’m not looking for an ego stroke at all, I really just want to figure it out.

@shehulk13 I did not say it is their only interest. But, it usually is a primary interest or hobby, and takes up significant time. Depends how obsessed they are. A very close girlfriend of mine became involved with it about 6 years ago. She works out twice a day, she caters her diet to bulking up. My husband now thinks she has become very unnatractive, and he really likes women with tight bodies, just not bulked up bodies. Although, none of his girlfriends had extremely tight bodies, nor do I. More average body I would say. Thin, not skinny, normal curves.

My husband loves pro football, but thank goodness does not watch much of any other sport. If he watched all the sports all year long it would drive me crazy. It’s kind of the same thing. It depends on the extreme.

I don’t want to assume anything about you though. How often do you work out and for how many hours? In addition how often are your reading and doing other muscle building related things?

Some hobbies take more time than others. Time away from the relationship unless both people are into the same thing.

I wouldnt be intimidated. I just don’t find muscular women as attractive as softly toned women, or slightly curvy women.
There are plenty of men who love muscular women though, so just keep looking.
And props for hitting the weights and doing your thing!

@Dutchess_III i really am just trying to figure out why a lot of guys have said it’s a turn off, and that it’s intimidating….and why the ones who do, I meet online feel like they have to keep that attraction a secret from everyone because the people they know find it unattractive…

@shehulk13 You HAVE figured it out. You already knew the answer to the question when you asked it. Some men have TOLD you it was a turn off.

You specifically used the word “intimidated,” which means to cause fear. Has any guy told you that you scared them? Were they afraid you could beat them up or something?

@shehulk13 you just have to find the right guy. I don’t think it’s as simple as body type. The right guy will appreciate the hard work you’ve put into your goals, and the discipline it takes to get there.
I’m a woman, but for what it’s worth, your arms are gorgeous.

@shehulk13 It might be something innate or hormonal. The same way men seem to be attractive to women with curves, because it signifies girl hormones and fertility. Women who have very low body fat or very high testosterone sometimes cease menstruating. But, again, I think there is a mate for everyone.

I think @JLeslie is right, about hormonal indicators, but it also popular culture doesn’t encourage the appreciation of many different types of women’s bodies. Not just muscular, but women who are obese, or who lack curves, or who are exceptionally tall or short. There is a certain “ideal” body that most of us struggle to fit into. But most of us (everyone, not just women) find ourselves attracted to people who don’t fit that societal ideal.

I dated a guy who was beautiful once. It was the 70’s, he had long blond hair and striking blue eyes. When we were in a dark room he looked like a girl and was a complete turnoff.
I wonder if some guys have that same problem with overly muscular women.

Proper extreme muscles on a girl are a complete turn off for me, be like humping a sack of spanners. A toned/athletic physique is sexy as fuck though, so long as she retains nice titties.

@ucme , jinx you owe me a coke.

@Judi great minds m’dear…great minds :-)

@Judi A family member of mine who is bisexual, when she does date men they are almost always thin or have what I call slight physics. Not anywhere close to being bulky. I think that goes with what you said about the guy you dated looking too much like a girl in bad lighting.

Lord. <eye roll> As long as she maintains nice titties. LOL. @ucme is it ok if they are fake?

You really should get those eyes seen to @JLeslie, that may frighten small children or even young animals.
The words nice & fake just don’t go together where breasts are concerned.

“If they’re in my hands they’re real.”, right, @ucme ??

Ha, not quite Alyson, close though…real close.

[mod says] Just a reminder, folks: PMs are private for a reason. Please don’t discuss them publicly. Thanks!

I used to lifts weights. Not to the extreme you probably do, but I used to bench press about 27kg and shoulder press about 18kg. So not massive weights, but after about 6 months I noticed that my pecks and my back were quite muscular. I was put off looking at myself. It wasn’t the figure I wanted. This was about 4 years ago. I remember my boyfriend saying how hard my back was.

But, to answer your question, it’s all down to preference. Same as what hair colour, or eyes men like. Some will find you incredibly gorgeous, some quite the opposite, just as you do with men.

I hate it when people go at the new jellies. It’s gets old after awhile.

I’m a lesbian, but not into overly muscular women.

I do admire you for working so hard at your body, though.

Anyhow, perhaps, some men like softer women, perhaps they’re intimated by your strength, or they’re not into you for other reasons.

“I guess you have to decide what’s more important to you…having the body of a weight lifter or having dates. You could still be muscular and strong, just not bulging. That way you could have both.”

/facepalm

Maybe you should fem up a little bit, if you’re looking for male dates. Muscles are more masculine, so maybe go with more fem clothes, hairstyle/ make-up and get some contacts.

I also am a fan of your self-discipline, but would hate to meet you in a dark alleyway…lol

Am I blind?? I don’t see what other jellies appear to see. OP doesn’t look like a competitive bodybuilder (not that I see anything inherently wrong with that, either), she looks like a strong, healthy woman. Her bodyfat percentage doesn’t appear to be so low that she doesn’t have feminine curves, she certainly looks like a woman, muscles and all.

A woman can’t be womanly and be able to lift her own bodyweight? A strong woman isn’t sexy because it’s too manly? Women have to be delicate and dainty and require a big strong man to pick up heavy things for them? I say fuck that. I know plenty of men who not only respect a woman who values her physical strength and has the discipline to work hard to improve it, but who find it sexy.

This is nothing more than thinly veiled body shaming, gross.

Yeah, I agree, DB.

Some of you here can big ugly bullies, too.

@DigitalBlue @Mama_Cakes She asked for help because she can’t get a date, so we should lie to her about our perceptions?

@KNOWITALL – and you being a woman, how can you even answer the question?

@KNOWITALL you were fine. Others got carried away.

I always find that people who go out of their way to pick apart others, feel insecure about themselves somehow. Just sayin’. I know that I’m not the only one who’s thinking like this, right now.

@ucme , @Judi I do still have 100% of my female characteristics. I have nice real, normal breasts, I have not stopped menstruating or lost my ability to have children.,
@KNOWITALL the clothes I had on were women’s clothes, my hairstyle is feminine, I do wear make up, and the glasses thing is completely irrelevant.

@Dutchess_III I have stated several times guys have said out of they’re own mouth, that they are too intimidated by my strength and size to date me, others find it very sexy, and encourage me to get bigger.. but they are the ones that keep that a secret because everyone they know thinks its unattractive. some of them love bulging muscles on a woman, and want me to get bigger, but are too afraid to embrace that attraction regardless of other’s opinions.

@shehulk13 I’m sorry if you were offended, if you didn’t want female opinions, you should have stated that.

Women are good sounding boards on what attracts men as we have personal experience at doing so, and most of my friends are guys, so I have a pretty good idea what they want.

I think we have differing opinions on femininity, and that’s okay, I was talking more of flirty hemlines and less muscle shirt/ sweats.

@KNOWITALL I did state that. I started of with “men-” which obviously meant the question was directed to men, and that I wanted their answers. And seeing one photo of me cannot tell how I look most of the time, or what I wear the majority of the time. And on top of that, some men love a women whose in frumpy sweats, and has her muscles showing. That blue shirt isn’t a muscle shirt, its a short sleeve blouse.

@shehulk13 My bad, I didn’t notice that on first reading, sorry. :)

@augustlan yeah, sad when an online community would rather tear someone down, then try to help and answer in ways that are helpful, rather than twisting words, quoting out of context, and making wrong stereotypical assumptions.

@KNOWITALL it’s all good. but you might want to make sure you understand what you’re answering from now on. It’s cool though, I value any opinion, just doesn’t mean I have to agree with it, or accept having wrong assumptions made about me or my personality.

All this silly fuss…typical. Personally, I simply answered the question on it’s own merits, didn’t even look at your avatar or consider it specific to anyone in particular, much less yourself @shehulk13.
Maybe i’m at fault for not reading the details, but nothing more.
If any guy feels intimidated by the way you choose to sculpt your figure then that’s certainly his problem, good luck to ya say I :-)

@ucme It’s all good. Maybe people will see and rethink some of their stereotypes about muscular women, maybe not, I still got a lot of opinions ans an idea of what people think, or why some m,en hate it, others love it, but keep it secret. It’s a shame when people let how someone’s body looks determine their ability to love and be a good partner.

@shehulk13 Peace, I was trying to be helpful since two of my female friends are personal trainers and pretty muscular, I certainly never meant to offend or tear you down for being your authentic self, I applaud that.

Like @ucme says, if they don’t like you for who you are and what you are, their loss.

@KNOWITALL I agree, I want someone who will lkie and love me for me, not want me to change anything. I just wish the men that are quite attracted to huge muscle on a woman would stop hiding that they are, and embrace their true preferences and desires. There are others, that are very open about being attracted to it.. but are already happily married.

Looky who’s here!! :)

I’m not a man, @shehulk13 but I am a person into women. Muscles don’t intimidate me but I don’t care for my partners to fit some normative gendered ideals of beauty or attractiveness. As for the men in your life and the dating situation, not sure if I can definitively state whether that’s the problem (if there is a problem, maybe they’re the problem) but, if we’re talking about men raised in this society, it’s a safe bet to think some would be turned off by a woman with muscles because they’ve been misinformed as to who should have muscles. Seeing how muscles exist in every human, they can be developed in every human. But I digress…as for the ‘you’re coming off aggressive’, I don’t really think so but then again I care very little about not coming off so myself. @Dutchess_III Yeah, looky, aren’t you excited to see me?

Yeah, @Simone_De_Beauvoir! Kinda! I mean, I may have to wait to see what you say next, but I haven’t seen you in a while. I’ve been wondering where you went.

@Dutchess_III The PhD rabbit hole, starting a new relationship, etc.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yay! I’m so glad to see you!

The aggressive bit was in PM, mostly. Hard to see here.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir thanks! damn, that was the best answer I’ve heard, and expains the problem the best. I’m so glad you stepped in!
@Seek_Kolinahr you were already told about mentioning PM or what went on in them, besides the fact that it wasn’t aggressive, it was honest, I would hate to see what your reactions to true aggression would be, because the stuff I said in PM’s was no more than equal to the assumptions made about me.

@Seek_Kolinahr Hey, good to see you too.

@shehulk13 Good for you for working your ass off. Training is hard stuff. Your arms look great!

@shehulk13 , I hope you didn’t think I was judging you. Just sharing my experience with the problem in opposite. I don’t think you should change your values to “hook a man, ” I think you need to find a guy who appreciates you for exactly who you are.

@DigitalBlue You aren’t blind, when I was talking about feminine characteristics I was talking generalities about women who focus on muscle building. The OP, no offense, is overweight, so her fat (and I am not saying she is fat or obese, I am just saying the fat on her body hides some of her muscle and also maintains her girl figure. She does look a little, no offense to anyone again, “butch” though for lack of a better word. I think most men aren’t very attracted to that for the same reason @Judi felt odd with her femish boyfriend.

@JLeslie Very good answer. Very true and well said.

I love it how you’re all judging this woman based on one photo.

@Mama_Cakes What else do we have? She posted a question asking for people to tell her why she can’t get a date.

All we have to go on is the information in the question and the user profile.

Sorry, I left my crystal ball in my other jeans.

She got her answer from Simone and she was happy with that.

Anyhow, I’m out. Typical shit around here.

So we should all stop answering this post because she found a answer she was happy with?

@Headhurts Have at it. Guess what? My head hurts. ;)

I fucking fancied the arse of He-Man’s girlfriend, what was her name…oh yeah, She-Ra.
Take her to bed & yell, “I have the powerrrrrrrrr!!!”

@mama_cakes The main question was regarding women with muscles, not just the OP in particular. I don’t think the OP answered my question about how many hours she works on her muscles. Maybe she naturally has more muscles, that happens, some people build muscle easier than others. All I have is a photo, her main question, and my experience with body builders.

I’m a woman but from the look of this one photo I wouldn’t think men en masse would be turned off by you. Some yes, but not all or even the majority. Perhaps it’s the vibes you give off? If you seriously are having a problem getting a date, maybe think about how you are being perceived in terms of your personality? That’s more likely to cause people to feel intimidated. If you do think it’s your physique, perhaps when you want to meet men, dress in a more feminine style? See if that helps?

BTW, @shehulk13 I am a male. I also work out daily. I don’t know if you can bench more than me or not, but if I were in the market for a relationship I would find the fact you share my interest in staying fit a turn-on. I am muscular enough that even at my age, you wouldn’t intimidate me. I would think you would have the best chance of getting dates with guys at the gym that appreciate the work you’ve done on those arms. If you’re in a women’s only gym, I’d suggest you find a coed one instead.

There will be all sorts of reactions to anything we humans do that puts outside the ordinary. Some guys, particularly the weaker ones, may well find your physique intimidating. Some, even thought they may have a Mr. America body, may just not be attracted to muscular women, preferring the Vogue model look. But some will be intrigued. That’s OK, because you presumably only need one.

No offense meant, but you have locked horns with more than your share of those who responded to your question. So don’t discount the advice you’ve received that you may need to review whether you are coming across to others as overly touchy and confrontational. That, to me, is a definite turnoff when I sense it in someone, male or female.

@shehulk13 has left the building.

@Rarebear: Probably turned back into Jen Walters.

I was chatting with my partner last night. She used to date a woman who was an arm wrestler. Her ex competed and won in North American tournaments. This woman was an amazon.

According to my partner, there are men who are attracted to strong, muscular women, but some get teased by their buddies because they’re dating a woman who’s stronger and more fit than they are. So, yeah, the OP is right, men may choose to hide that attraction.

@Mama_Cakes So basically men can be total idiots to their male peers. That doesn’t surprise me. LOL.

My nephew, who hits the gym twice a day and lives carb-free, is dating an Amazonian woman. He met her at the gym. Seems a natural fit.