Should profanity (whatever that is) be allowed on gravestones?
Assumption #1 – there is something called profanity. The definition is probably not shared by all, but I imagine that there is general agreement that some words are more offensive than others.
Assumption #2 – some people will want to be buried and not cremated.
This question is not about which words are offensive and why, and it is not about the merits of burial versus cremation.
Today’s Times http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2013/05/09/us/ap-us-odd-headstone-profanity.html?hp reported on a controversy in Massachusetts. Apparently a rap musician died and his family wanted to have the lyrics of one of his songs inscribed on the headstone. Some of the words are considered ‘profane’. An argument ensued, and the cemetery commissioners nixed the so called offensive words.
My questions: Is that proper? Who is gravestone for? If that is how the family wishes to remember the departed, is it the role of the cemetery owners to forbid that? Who benefits from censorship of the stone?
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I wouldn’t want near my loved one’s grave. I wouldn’t want to see it. That’s just me, though.
If I don’t have to see it, I don’t care what you put on there. Honest opinion.
Seems to me a person ought to be able to have pretty much what they want on a grave marker. If you want to be remembered as profane, racist, stupid or whatever, that is your business. On the other hand, if you are dead, you will never actually know what is on the marker. So once again, it becomes more about the living than the dead.
My personal opinion is the cemetary has a right not allow to it, and further I am against profanity written in public places. I don’t like when I see a piece of art in a window facing the street that has profanity, and I don’t like people wearing t-shirts with profanity. I talk like a sailor a lot of time, my speach is riddles with swear words, but he cemetary is open to the public and there is an expectation of a certain amount of decorum in a cemetary, including what is written.
If he is going to have some sort of private room for his remains, then I could see allowing it.
I don’t know the legalities, but if it is legal, and simply a policy of the cemetary, the family can seek another cemetary I guess.
I quite like the idea of having something like, Well, that’s me fucked! written on a gravestone…shows character & a fun sense of humour.
I think if it’s the family’s wishes, they should be financially prepared to pay for an enclosed burial chamber then they can put whatever they want on the inside, out of sight.
The cemetery is a lot like a Homeowners’ Association in that the plots are all “private property”, but the commons, including access and general rules regarding the type and appearance of memorials, are governed by whatever association or owner has the overriding deed.
I’m sure that just like you can find Homeowners’ Associations with varying rules all around the country, you can’t necessarily dictate that yours should follow your particular set of rules. Shop around.
Lyrics go on the stone but not those that offend. A good societal compromise without the drama, nothing that would play on reality tv and that, in my opinion, is a plus.
My first thought was freedom of speech, but I thought of all the children that will be exposed to that. Maybe convey it in a way that adults will get but not the kids. Or put the words on the underside of the stone. You’ll know they are there without exposing them to everyone.
I think it should be anything goes!
Well it certainly shouldn’t be up to the graveyard owners what goes on the tombstone, although they do, as owners, have the right to reject certain things, I imagine. I’m sure there’s a bunch of laws and stuff that would apply to this. I was going to suggest, if it’s in the deceased’s will, then…but I think most wills only exist to decide who gets what, or who pays uncleared debts and whatnot…rather than to meet specific wishes. don’t quote me
I mean how far can wills go? What if I put in my will; when I die, I just want a big penis drawn on my headstone. Is it possible to do? I’m guessing cemeteries must have public decency laws that are initially decided by the city or state/province.
Personally I wouldn’t see the problem, if that’s what the deceased really wanted, or what their family wanted. Generally headstones tell the name, date of birth and death and maybe some quote, so I can understand this particular incident going up for debate, but if it was up to me I’d let it pass. Maybe that rapper’s work was his life and passion, why not put some lyrics on his tombstone? He’ll be remembered for what he loved doing, assuming that, in fact, he did.
It should be allowed if you ask me, although that said, it also needs to respect the laws given by the city or state. although if you can weasel out of em or find some kinda loophole, that’s okay too haha
I’m against censorship, but I also deplore public displays of vulgarity. Having access to something that offends others is one thing; having the offensive matter forced upon your view is quite another.
It would bother me if I couldn’t visit my mother’s grave without seeing a neighboring gravestone showing a crude or obscene graphic or verbal display.
I’m torn on this. My immediate reaction is the family should be able to put words that mean something to them on their relative’s headstone. I don’t approve of censorship.
However, other people who might be offended, in a place where people are likely to be emotional anyway, can’t avoid seeing it. It isn’t like we can argue ‘just change channels” or ‘well don’t read it’. If his grave is next to your family member’s grave, you won’t be able to avoid it.
So, I think greater good has to apply here so I would regretfully say no to the offensive lyrics.
How about the title of the song if it’s not filled with profanity?
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