Is this pathetic or am I just a heartless jerk?

The site is intended for “personal causes and life events”, it doesn’t say Charity Events, or anything to discourage people using it for personal gain. So I wouldn’t say you were heartless, but perhaps think of your ‘friend’ with a little more compassion.

I wouldn’t ask for any help from anyone unless I REALLY needed it, maybe he’s at that point where embarassment is better than starving or being homeless. And of course he should manage his finances better if he’s in that position, but life happens.

@KNOWITALL I see where you’re coming from but this approach still leaves a bad taste in my mouth except in the most dire consequences.

Especially after his Facebook page is full of pictures of him spending money at bars, clubs, going to Hawaii etc. I mean, I enjoy the finer things in life sometimes and I’ve sometimes suffered the consequences of it myself (Live and learn) but I just think this is an undignified way to go about it.

I would think it’s better to borrow (or beg if you must) from your family and friends rather than put something like this out there for hundreds of people to see. And like I said before, he doesn’t have a history of illness, extreme poverty or natural disaster.

@LeavesNoTrace If he’s travelling and living the high life and you know that, then yeah, that’s in poor taste.

<shrug> If someone wants to give him their money, what’s the harm? It’s the donor’s choice. It’s not like your acquaintance is taking money away from other people.

Maybe tacky would be a better word than pathetic but something about this really rubs me the wrong way. I just think it’s really undignified. I’m no Ayn Rand drone but the first thing that came to my mind was “What a looter”.

Ok, so your friend did something that you think is undignified. How is it any of your business?

@glacial I’m not going to say anything to him about it. I’m just wondering what other people’s perspectives were on this. Is that a crime?

Is using sites like these to ask for personal handouts an everyday thing these days? How far is too far? Mostly I’m just looking to discuss. I don’t see anything wrong with that and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this perspective.

@LeavesNoTrace I guess I just see irony in the idea of invoking Ayn Rand to denigrate his actions. I mean, isn’t the whole point of libertarianism that, if the person isn’t harming anyone else, then whatever he does is his own damned business and we should leave him be?

My exact perspective on the question is: I don’t find it pathetic because I don’t actually care what he does or whether he is successful. I do think that judging one’s friends/acquaintances kind of makes a person a jerk, though not particularly a heartless one.

And that’s all I’ve got.

@glacial He’s not a close friend of mine but if he were I would probably express some trepidation about the idea and then offer to make a loan.

And yeah, I know it’s his right to ask for money and it’s the donors right to say yes or no or do nothing at all (like me). But still, I’m wondering if this is going a thing now and I’m not looking forward to seeing more things like this pop in my news feed. :| Frankly, I find it annoying.

I would be embarrassed for him, but hey, it’s the new high tec street begging. People have done it for centuries, it is just invoking a new technology. When approached by a street beggar I always remind myself that it’s the condition of MY heart that matters, not there’s, therefore, for ME, I would try not to judge him. He’s on his own path.

At least he is being honest, he is not duplicitous. But it is tacky.

An acquaintance I know asked people to chip in to pay for a really expensive guitar he wanted. And it is pretty common, given all the complaints to Dear Abby and Miss Manners, for brides to request cash instead of gifts.

But you don’t have to give him a dime unless you feel like it.

Yeah I stand by my assertion—in a lot of cases it is super tacky and like @Judi said it`s basically digital panhandling. Maybe I´m just a really old fashioned twenty-four year old but this kind of strikes a nerve with me for some reason. A lot of people say that the millenials are the entitlement generation and I feel that people begging for money on the internet kind of supports their opinion.

@zenvelo Asking for money for a guitar??? Has anyone ever heard of saving their money for things they want? Trust me, I´ve been broke more times than I´d like to admit and I don´t come from a wealthy family either. More than once I´ve worried where my rent will come from and have found myself looking for spare change around my apartment just to take a bus ride or get something to eat. I´m no Mother Theresa but I´m definitely not unsympathetic. But seriously, what´s wrong with a little personal responsibility let alone dignity when it comes to these things?

As for this guy, I know—perhaps instead of filling his body with tattoos, piercings, and $12 cocktails maybe he should have been umm…SAVING his money when he knew he had a big move coming up. But I guess I´m just cold as ice.

You seem to have A LOT of opinions about this. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel, instead of ranting at anonymous strangers on the internet? Or don’t you want to take a little “personal responsibility” of your own?

@glacial if you don´t like my topic why don´t you stop answering instead of being rude and snappy with me. I´m trying to have a discussion about something that sparked my interest and you´re frankly being a jerk. If you think it´s cool to ask for handouts from strangers, fine but we´ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

I`m not close enough to this person who feel comfortable expressing my opinion directly to him. I´m just wondering what other people think. Is there something wrong with that? It´s cool if you disagree but you don´t have to be rude. Thanks.

That whole entitlement attitude, I find tacky. but, then I am a heartless bitch

“I deserve to live the lifestyle I want to live. Don’t judge me! (just fund me)”

I think I shared this story before on Fluther, but this Q reminded me again.
I saw a woman with her children panhandling for money “for food” outside of Walmart. An older gentleman stopped and offered her a footlong sub sandwich he’d just purchased. She very indignantly said, “Are you kidding? We’re vegetarian!”

@LeavesNoTrace It’s not that I don’t like your topic. You asked for my opinion, and you’re getting it. I am completely on topic here. You don’t want to be judged by what you’ve posted? Huh, I bet your friend doesn’t, either.

You asked for opinions, but then you just want a sounding board? Tough.

I was asking for opinions about what you think about this behavior NOT for you to take personal digs at me. But I guess the anonymity of the internet does tend to embolden the coward.

@LeavesNoTrace and @glacial
Now, now kids… you’re both pretty!

I don’t see it as any different than the people who stand on the street corner and beg for money. According to a news report I read there are some panhandlers that make from $30,000 to $50,000 a year, tax free.

My brother made a living scavenging and selling items from the street and cash handouts.

Yes it’s tacky. I’d just ignore it. And would not got out to lunch or dinner with him.

@YARNLADY That´s amazing. But at least he was scavenging and selling to supplement. He must have been really down on his luck. Here in South America I was advised not to give to panhandlers since many of them work for con artists and make quite a bit of money at it. The worst is when they put he kids up to the task – so sad.

@LuckyGuy Yeah I´m definitely not going to acknowlege it one way or the other. But when I saw it I couldn´t help but be like “Whoa” as an intial reaction. I´d just never seen anyone with the balls to do that before. To me it kind of demonstrates some lack of self awareness. I really wonder if it´s going to start being more common and more socially acceptable with these donation sites popping up. Honestly, I hope not.

I have little respect for unemployed or underemployed people begging others for money when they’re going out and partying with friends every weekend. Actually, I’d have little respect for them even if they weren’t begging.

I went to my friend’s graduation last night and, as we were leaving the restaurant afterwards, she asked a friend of hers if she was going to the bar with them. She said, “Uh, yeah, I practically live there. I don’t have a job and I’m collecting unemployment, so what else am I going to do tonight?” Oh, I don’t know, go home and go to sleep so you can get your lazy ass out of bed and look for a damn job tomorrow instead of sleeping until noon with a hangover? Grow the hell up, you useless leach.

Judgmental? Maybe, but I don’t give a shit. I have no patience for people like that.

It’s pathetic/I’m heartless too maybe? I have seen sites like that before. I think it’s a cool idea. I have thought to myself “hmmm what If I started one to fund the trip of a lifetime, around the world, or even just a drawn out in depth several month long road/camping trip across the good ol’ US of A?” Then I thought “nah, that’s my personal endeavor, other people don’t need to pay for it. I should have to earn it.” And then I never thought about it again. Voila.

@livellaughlove Agreed some people have no self respect. I’d starve before asking strangers or get another job. Ugh.

Has anyone else seen others do this? Thoughts?

@LeavesNoTrace There is another personal solicitation site… can’t remember the name offhand but it will come to me…
People sign on for many different causes. Some are worthy (I can’t afford my dog’s surgery or I need help with my custody legal fees) and some are bullshit entitlement issues (All my friends are going to Padre Island and I can’t afford it).

Donating is easy and anonymous. I’ve given to a few and laughed heartily at a few others.