[NSFW] Friends with benefits?

In most situations, there’s always one friend who is hoping it will get more serious. At least in the ones I’ve been in. It never does.

I like the concept but I don’t know if it would work for me or not. Most of the friends I’d like to give benefits to are people whom I could feel romantically about if I had sex with them.

I could probably go my whole life without sex and be fine so, no, I don’t think a friend with benefits would be very useful to me.

Could I? yes. Would I? yes. How did it work? my uni was paid for and my rent for the whole time. Would I now? probs not as I am now middle aged. It has it’s place, for sure.

I think I could. I like the idea of no obligations, but I don’t know how it would work out in reality.

I’ve found it works better for me to begin a relationship under a friends with benefits understanding, rather than trying to transform a currently platonic relationship to involve a bit more sharing… I’ve gotten to know some lovely guys whom I might never have met otherwise, and it began with casual sex that turned into an ongoing arrangement. I guess we started with the benefits, and became friends through the course of that.

I think it can work if both people explicitly and enthusiastically want it, and not if they are deluding themselves into thinking it can change, or that they are just ‘settling’ for this situation.

I’ve got one right now and there’s no illusions about what it is or what it ‘could’ turn into. We both have an excess of sexual energy and sensuality, but no time for a social life, and we get together as our limited free time permits to chill and enjoy each other. We both know what we are in it for; there are no mind games or pretenses, and there is a good deal of respect and consideration involved. It’s a kind of relationship, just a different sort that unspoken default heterosexual monogamy (or its courtship precursor).

I still feel a bit inhibited to talk about this stuff here. I’m doing away with those inhibitions right now. It feels a bit like a coming-out.

In real life, no. But I intend to.
I consider myself a relationship anarchist. Being open-minded and not being bothered by defying societal norms is probably important for this sort of thing to work out.

If you count internet relationships, I’ve had a lot of flings and a few proper friends with benefits. Some female, some male. It rarely works out – particularly adding the “friends” part to the “benefits” seems difficult or just uninteresting for a lot of people – but when it does, it’s quite wonderful. (It makes for more fun friendships than those without benefits, and it makes for more fun benefits than those without friendship, if you want my opinion.)

I currently have one lady friend with casual benefits. We’ve been friends sans benefits for a few years, but we’ve always been very open to one another, never bothering to be shy about sexual thoughts. Or about anything, really. So it was never awkward.
We’re still friends first and beneficiaries second. We banter, we have a laugh, we talk about our feelings, we ask each other for advice. And sometimes we screw. Because why the heck not.
I don’t believe there’s any romantic tension involved at all, neither on my side nor on hers. It’s nicely uncomplicated.

…I’ve learned that going from friends-with-benefits to just friends can be painful if only one of you wants to end the sexual aspect. (Think of what a breakup is like.) That’s not to say you can’t go back, but it’ll take patience and a lot of talking about feelings, or it can turn to resentment.

Well when I was in my 30’s, single and living in San Francisco I had such a relationship with two women at different times. Of course I wanted to have a romantic relationship with just one of the women but they just wanted to be friends. So we took care of each other’s needs until the right one came along. I’m still friends with one of the women, but with no bennies because we are both happily married.

It was a way of life in the 70’s and for me it devastated my self esteem. Could never ever do it again. Sex is sacred to me. To special to treat so frivolously.

Could I, and would I? Yes to both. I don’t see a problem. Have I? Well, if I don’t confess, I get to face the chair? Looks pretty soft and comfy. ^_^

Not something for me and I would not like to be someone who has or like to experience such activities. I can imagine myself in a particular scenario where I am open to this idea but at the point where I am currently in life…no.

I’m got two partners now so adding a friends with benefits would complicated my already complicated life. But yes I could and would.

I have a friend, who confides in me, who’s been in a FWB for over 20 years. Neither party wants to get out of the marriage they are in, but both need more than the spouse is willing or able to give emotionally or physically. It’s worked out for them and they take great precautions to keep it private. They are both over 60. She says it’s made her able to stay in her marriage. She is why I recently said it could work better if you are older.

I have never just had or went looking for a FWB arrangement, but…I have kept sleeping with a couple of old flames after we had cooled the romance jets. Maybe a few tomes, but pretty soon all the jets died except those in my hot tub. lol

@Sunny2
(Their spouses know about that, right?)

^^They hope not.

…ugh, sickening.

I’ve never really understood this idea and I can’t imagine how it could work, for me anyway.

Never successfully.

Sure. I have had several FWB relationships over the years. When I’m in a monogamous relationship, I’m as faithful as the day is long. I’ve never cheated on anyone, not even a kiss. When I’m not in a monogamous relationship, I’m a free agent.

I’ve just never had a problem with separating sex and love. Sex with love is the best, of course, but sex without it is still pretty damn good.

@Sunny2
...That’s kind of seriously not cool of them.
If their spouses knew, understood it was for the best, and consented to it, I’d say good for them, but…

^^I’m not making any judgments. It’s just a situation I know about. I think there obviously are possible problems with it, but it’s not my place to interfere.

I had a FWB when I was in my 30s, post-divorce. We’d talk during the week and see each other on weekends. We got paid on alternate weeks, so whoever got paid was the one who paid for whatever we decided to do and the hotel room (we had both moved back with our parents after divorce).

It was a lot of fun to be relaxed and have “no strings attached”. After having been with just my husband for over a decade, I was nervous sexually, and the opportunity to have sex without emotional involvement gave me the opportunity to enjoy it and become comfortable in my skin. That was a big deal for me as someone with lingering inhibitions and body-image issues after being molested in childhood.

But as fun as it was for the first several months; after a while, it became boring. I wanted emotional intimacy and passion – but not with him. I ended it after nearly a year in order to be available to make a real connection with someone.

I have yes, but frankly found it boring. It was more interesting getting myself off. I guess what I did enjoy was the cuddling.

This was always my ideal arrangement.
I’m married, so, it’s off the table at this point.

No, no, no, no and no. I’m a guy so I’m supposed to answer with at least one ‘yes’ here I’m sure of, but yet I didn’t. I’m being truthful with all of those nos however, since I consider sex and relationships to be meaningful only when the person I’m sharing these with have meaning to me.

Friends with benefits have issues. Let me just go and consult any one of them for their opinion. Oh right, that is usually one of the issues, after the sex part is done the “friends” part is over. Let’s just refer to them simply as “benefits”, since the word friends implies more than just a sex object. My non talking, non drama, extremely pleasing didlo can do much better.

“There really is nothing like having a warm silicone toy inside of you. It makes it feel even more realistic. When you buy an ultra realistic silicone toy (like the Mangasm Brian) and you warm it up, it feels like you have a real man between your legs. The only difference is that the Brian doesn’t have bad breath and you don’t have to remind it to take the trash out.”
~Ladygasm Wiki~

I have done in the past, with mixed results, some great, some not so much. I get all the problems with it the naysayers have mentioned, though.

@LornaLove The one thing masturbation can never give me is the smell of raw sex. That, I miss. I think I must have the heightened sense of smell that perfumers and top-notch vintners pay great money for, because the natural scent of sexual excitement is beyond-belief hot to me.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl Yeah, dildos are fine and never have bad breath. True, you never have to remind them to take out the trash, but it’s also true you’ll wait till Hell freezes over before they do get up and take the trash out for the first time. :-)

Exactly @nofurbelowsbatgirl
Now if only they’d invent a dildo that turned into a piece of cheesecake after the big “O.”

I feel a poem coming on

Hush little dildo don’t you cry, mama’s gonna give you her piece of pie.
and if her pie ain’t sweet enough, she’ll cradle you in her cozy muff
lololol

@Coloma Yikes, “muff.” And people here thought my use of the term “cooter” was vulgar. Blech!

;)

@livelaughlove21 But muff sounds like buff, or puff, or enough. Cooter calls to mind cooties. :-)

I was told to call it a “petunia”. Cooter is not so bad, many of friends call it that.

Lets call it the the “snatch” thats my favorite one. :) lol

The vagina monologues has a whole scene dedicated to the words people use to call their vagina.

Yes I have, was fun, short lived and we weren’t really friends more like acquaintances but the sex was steamy hot, probably the best ever.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl
“after the sex part is done the “friends” part is over. Let’s just refer to them simply as “benefits”, since the word friends implies more than just a sex object.”

Hey, now… don’t say that like that’s how it always goes and it’s impossible to do any differently. Of course you can be friends outside the bedroom too. It doesn’t work out that way with everyone, but for some people it does.

Maybe we should distinguish between “friends with benefits” versus “fuckbuddies”.

I had an old friend that called it her “wow wow”{...OMG! lol

I have someone who I have casual sex with and then a cuddle afterwards.
I’ve done it once before it the past, and started liking her against my will after a while.
Gonna cut this one loose soon before I get attached.
I’m only 23, can’t be assed having a girlfriend. I wasted the time I spent at university with one.

@Fyrius I wasn’t really speaking for everyone. I was speaking in first person. :) You are correct my term doesn’t apply to everyone, but in my particular case it does apply to myself.

Cooter? Muff? I’ve recently started calling it the House of V.

I like ” Yoo Hoo”. :-p

@nofurbelowsbatgirl
Okie dokie : ]

I’ve had several “FWB’s” over the years, and it was good, once or twice when both parties were willing and available. However, like someone above said, I, too, am married, so it’s off the table for me now.

@ETpro Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Just think of George Clooney in Up in the Air.

@mattbrowne Just? There’s a lot there to think about.

I loved that movie.

It’s a great movie!

I see DVD have that title star Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Why pretty girl want ugly man? I have lover, that fiends with benefits?

@Shinimegami The usual meaning of the phrase “friends with benefits” is a friend (not a lover) with whom one has “casual” sex.

@Shinimegami “fiends with benefits” are usually exes.

@janbb – I disagree… that may be a generational thing. People enter FWB or “fuck buddy” relationships with that intention from the outset nowadays. I define it as a relationship that is sexual without romantic attachments.

@hearkat Was just making a joke on the typo above.

Haha, I missed the joke, too, but it was a good one!

I saw that typo but it made me laugh so I left it. I’ve known a few fiends with benefits. :D

@janbb – Pardon me, while I wipe this egg off my face…

Two over easy, coming up!