(NSFW) How do I clean myself when I am 300 pounds?

I am 6’5 and 200 lbs. I think it is pretty easy to clean up. My first bit of advice is lose 100 lbs.
Otherwise, what is wrong with the beach towel idea. You can get them cheap at Walmart. Get some laundry soap while you are there.

flushable moist wipes might be an option.

Is this serious? Ok if you are actually serious, first step would be to lose weight. You may actually have to start taking the extra time and have a shower afterwards if you are finding it diffficult. But honestly 6’5 300lbs is not that big. If you were 4’5 I could see the difficulties. Or if you were like half a ton, but 6’5 300 lbs is like the average football player. Start playing football for exercise. :)

Use baby wipes or some other type of personal wipes. They are moistened for better cleaning and big enough to cover your hand.

If you can’t easily wipe your own butt, then I’m afraid you do need advice on losing weight, sorry. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor about a different medication that doesn’t cause so much weight gain.

In the meantime, give the flushable wipes a go.

You could take a shower after every shit. I mean if you time your bowel movements well enough it’d be rather economical, if you look at it that way I guess.

Get a bidet.

I thought I’d try a quick search to try and help you. I found a site called Amplestuff on a blog called Less is Morph: Morbid Obesity and Toilet Hygiene.

My concern with my suggestions is the cost. I hope it helps though.

Get a Biffy Bidet, it’s easy to install on your toilet and light on the wallet.

Google comfort wipe

GA, @Pandora.

I agree with others who said that while this is a large sized person it’s not a huge size that should not be able to wipe their ass. I don’t understand. I was over 300 lbs and 5 foot 9, so my BMI was higher than yours and I never had this problem. (I took care of the weight problem by having weight loss surgery).

This is the perfect question to answer while eating goat tikka masala. Yes, I really am.

Can you eat more roughage? High fiber veggies can help make your loaves less squishy.

It’s not just about numbers. If he carries a lot of his weight in his upper thigh/ass area, cleaning himself could definitely be a challenge. All that fat squishes together during a normal sit-down poop. Family member had this exact problem until she lost a few hundred pounds.

Until you’ve lived in his unique body, don’t judge.

6’5 300 lbs is not a size that would have trouble wiping. You would have to go at least 400.

In answer to a serious question, the flushable wipes are your answer. Try the Cottonelle.

They have wet wipes that are flushable, or you could always get a potty like mine!
I have the neorest 600 but you can just get the Washlet for a lot less. (Still expensive though.)

This reminds me of a passage out of On the Big Sur by Jack Kerouac. Loose paraphrase here…. All these White collar Americans with their three showers a day, fresh white clothes, with pressed trousers perfumes, colognes, deodorants… they have done their best to remove themselves from their primalness. They take pride in their cleaniliness. Sparkling teeth, hair cut tamed and managed. Yet always insecure, always having somethings nagging at them. Never achieveing the divorce between our imperfect dirty nature and our body. But they are forgetting the most importent thing!!!

We don’t have bidets. Everytime Americans take a shit they are dirty. No matter how well throughly one wipes there is always a remanent. AMERICANS HAVE DIRTY ASSHOLES…

Ok I returned the book and it was more of the impression rather then the words I was capturing. But it was brilliant.

I like the wet wipes, whatever is on sale for feminine hygiene (to maintain ph balance) it does give one confidence to be fresh.

People who gain weight because of prescribed meds will find it almost impossible to lose much. The side effects of some many drugs makes it a deal breaker. This was what I was told by the people at my doc’s office. Sometimes the side effects are as problematic as the condition they are treating. I would go with toilet friendly wipes and still be ready to wash hands anyway. Daily showers should get any stragglers.

Take your morning shower after your morning poop.

@woodcutter That is not true. I gained weight because of meds. I was exactley 297. But I am 5’4 I have never in my life even at that size had a problem wiping my ass. I hated being that size and I am normally an active person, my normal weight before the pills flucuated between 138–147.
Anyway I took action and it has been a long road, but without diet and lots of exercise I think am down about 70lbs I haven’t actually been keeping the exact numbers. Anyway all I am saying is that is not impossible. :)

@LoadingMyWaterGuns That is true what you say, but again loosing some weight can really help. So when you say “don’t judge”, I’m sorry but I don’t think we are judging I think we are doing exactley what was asked and giving options for someone who obviously sounds like they have had it with their lifestyle. And if that is the case then I am sorry but I would recommend a change in weight to help the situation.

Anyway you said it yourself it is about the numbers because a “Family member” of yours “had this exact problem until she lost a few hundred pounds”. < So it is about the numbers.

When morbidly obese people start having problems with day to day living then they usually need to have help managing many things like hygene, calorie intake, exercise routine, and support or an intervention.

Because, I’m sorry, but if the food can be like a drug and weight can be a symptom then any issue that comes from that are a side effect of the addiction. That is assuming the morbidly obese person has gained weight because they are out of control with food and lack of exercise.

The numbers are a symptom to the problem, so they do matter. If there was no problem there would be symptoms(weight gain) or no side effects(hygene), so take care of the problem, in simple terms that means lose weight.

I agree with @LuckyGuy, and this is my “morning routine” as well. A cup of hot tea, go to the bathroom and then take a shower. I feel great, clean, awake.

They make a product that is essentially an arm extender to help wipe your ass. Obesity isn’t the only cause for this type of difficulty. It is also helpful for elderly, post-op, arthritic and several other limited mobility and/or reach reasons.

Just wash your hands afterward.

Use the shower faucet attatchment If it reaches that far.( on wrm water).
http://www.faucetsuperdeal.com/solid-brass-spring-pull-out-kitchen-faucet-brushed-finish-en.html
Would be nice If someone invented one adaptable for toilets too?

There is. It’s called a bidet, @Inspired_2write.”

@Dutchess_III
I think something better would work?
Yes I know about Bidets.

In all seriousness, if I had this problem and could not afford a bidet, I would get one of those hoses that goes onto your bathroom tap and run it to the toilet and use that. It might be a little messy but I think it would work.

Pressure washer maybe? Cause, I mean, I don’t think a bidet would actually do anything to actually clean you. Perhaps it could rinse urine off but that’s about it. A pressure washer would work, though.

@jca. Have yo been peeking into my window? I have 2 cups of green tea with breakfast, go the bathroom, then shower and brush my teeth while showering. I’m fresh as a daisy.

If you want to you can loose weight and then you would be able to have a bath. Or you could get an extra large bath but I would suggest loosing weight.

Talk to the manager of your local car wash. Maybe the two of you can work out some kind of after-hours deal…