Why would my father´s girlfriend block me on FB?

Hold on just a second.

I realize your Dad was and is an asshole, but that does not necessarily carryover to her.

Yes, she may have purposely blocked you, or, she may have been security conscious in general and set her Facebook page up the way a lot of people have, where only her friends can see the info.

@zenvelo Her page is still visible to others. She blocked me. Might have had something to do with my profile picture with my thinner, more attractive mother.

Sorry I know I’m being a little acidic but this whole thing is still really painful for me. What kind of person would date someone within days of their spouse dying? Especially a natural abuser like my father—who also happens to be obese, impotent, and charmless. The whole thing is terribly ghoulish in my opinion.

I’ve got a friend that “Blocks the World” on FB. Only approved people can see anything.

Wait… you’re Facebook friends with her, and you’ve never met her? She can’t block you unless you are actually friends.

@glacial I’ve blocked people I’m not friends with. FB allows it.

I don’t think that you can – could you walk me through how to do that?

I can see why you were curious, but you don’t have a relationship with your father and you don’t want one with her so why do you care? Block her back if it makes you feel better, but I would just move on.

@glacial You click the little gear symbol on their page and hit “report/block”

@marinelife You’re probably/definitely right. But I still can’t wrap my head around this whole thing yet. It’s so disgusting and shameless on both sides. If I didn’t want to send her hate mail now, I definitely do now…even thought I won’t.

Has anyone known someone who started dating a woman so soon after his wife died? My father didn’t show an ounce of grief when she died. NOT ONE IOTA. And now this? I honestly suspect sometimes that he expedited her death so he could have his “freedom” a little sooner. Maybe he accidentally OD’d her or something. He was very adamant about now having an autopsy and having her cremated ASAP. The thought still makes me sick.

I like to think she blocked me from a guilty conscience but that’s just wishful thinking. I know this makes me sound 15 but all I can think is “fat skank” when I saw that.

Sounds like maybe the ties should be severed for awhile so you can each try to find happiness. Maybe time will help heal some of the pain that has to be behind this anger.

It’s really a father daughter issue, not the new person, forget about her entirely.

@KNOWITALL If you read through some of my old questions, you’ll see why I hate him so much.

@LeavesNoTrace Ok, I just tried doing that with a random person, and his profile is now impossible to find via search. But how is this different from if he had set his profile to unsearchable? Likewise, if he had blocked certain kinds of (or all) information from being visible to non-friends, how would I know the difference?

I just don’t see how you can know for certain that this woman has blocked you. I mean, I totally understand your disgust with her in general, but not over this one thing.

As others have said, your anger is really at your father. What she is doing on Facebook, or who she is, is immaterial.

Your dad is an abusive asshat. We (and you) don’t know anything about his girlfriend.

Possibility 1 is that the new girlfriend knows nothing about you or your mom and she blocked you because she doesn’t know you, maybe doesn’t even recognize your name. Maybe because your dad purposely kept the details of his former life totally secret. I don’t think this is true, but it is possible.

Possibility 2 is that the new girlfriend has lots of misinformation about you and your mom and even your dad because your dad is feeding her lies about everything and everyone. She may believe that you are a bad person, because your dad made her believe that. This scenario is most likely what has happened. If so, she blocked you on purpose because she believed your dad’s bullsh*t. There’s not much you can do about this situation unless you somehow end up meeting her and having a heart to heart talk with her.

Possibilty 3 is that the new girlfriend feels guilty (or fantastic) about her part in this whole charade and she doesn’t want you to make her feel bad about her decision, so she blocked you on purpose so that she doesn’t have to face any negativity from you.

Unless you have plans to meet this woman and have a civil conversation with her, your best bet is to write off her and your dad, completely. Your dad is mostly responsible for this mess (and she may or may not be complicit) but it doesn’t really matter at this point. Just walk away and be the best person that you can be, to honor the memory of your mom.

@LeavesNoTrace She may be just trying to avoid “drama” as they call it, whether she knows you or not.

@LeavesNoTrace I have read them and commented on at least one. If he’s an a$$hat, it’s no wonder you dislike him, I’m just saying you’re giving him power over your happiness, and he’s already abused that with your mom.

Move on and be happy, screw him and his new girlfriend. They can’t hurt your mom anymore, honey.

My grandfather dated pretty quickly after my gma passed, brought them to my house and the family house, and it sucked and was hurtful, but he was happy. Believe it or not, I respected his right to be happy because he took care of gma until she passed.

@glacial: If he can search for this person (dad’s gf) under another name but not as himself, then she blocked him. You can block anybody, not just former friends.

My friend’s son blocked me and my friend (his mother) but yet if I go to FB and sign in as someone else, I can see his stuff, hookah smoking and all. Not too smart.

So sorry you are going through this. My mother passed 25 years ago. My father remarried within three months. Never mind the fact that this was her FIFTH marriage. He would not listen to anyone. Everything was about her six kids and family and my brothers and I and our children were ignored. Then out of the blue she dumped him. He financially never recovered. God only knows how my mother’s life insurance was spent. He did seem to grieve when my mother passed, and I now think he had a fear of being alone. I do know everyone grieves differently, sometimes more grieving is done before the person passes. I hope you can find peace in all of this.

My grandfather was married to my grandmother for 40 years by the time she died. He was brokenhearted, but within 6 months he’d married a horrible woman. It didn’t last, but it was hard on the family while it did. Some people can’t stand to be alone, and will latch on to anyone they can in order to avoid it. Sounds like your father and my grandfather were in the same boat.

Keep in mind that your father may have asked the woman to block you, to keep you from seeing what’s going on in his life. In any case, try to move past this and move forward with your life. Don’t carry the hurt for one second longer than necessary. {hugs}

My sister in law started “being friends” with a guy (her HS sweetheart) when his wife was dying. She ended up marrying him less than 2 years after she died.
If it makes you feel any better, they were divorced within 5 years.
All she knows about you is the dysfunctional relationship you have with your father and she only knows what he has told her. From what you have said about your father, she probably has Ben told a bunch of stuff that’s probably not true and if she believes it it would give her cause to block you.
If your father is the man you claim it sounds like they may deserve each other.

@LeavesNoTrace I think you are failing to see that your father, the abusive twit, is still controlling you and if one thing your mother gave you when she died she gave you the freedom from this idiot.

But if you continue to let them get to you and parade your feelings around, those feelings that you should be investing in your mother, not this loser and his so called girlfriend. Who might I add will most likely soon regret her part because your idiot father won’t change because to me it sounds as if he has proven that!

I’m sorry my dear, but you need to move forward and focus on grieving over your mother and thank her for freeing you from the ferocious animal that is supposed to be your so called father and start to grieve his death also. Sometimes we have to make adult decisions that are good for our mental health and well being. My brother had to disown my sister. It is sad to say but sometimes even families just don’t get along sometimes even your own blood is too toxic.

I believe that once you do these things it is only then will you achieve complete peace.

Don’t you have to be invited first?
People determine themselves the time it takes for grief and the time to get on with there lives.
Also he may not had been able to handle the loss and therefore ran into the arms of another.
Since your mother had cancer over a length of time perhaps his other relationship needs were worked out with his wife beforehand?
Everyone has a choice to be involved in another life of not. In this case the girlfriend chose not to get involved with you.

My mother’s illness lasted about a month. It was discovered at stage IV so she went down fast. Her death was kind of sudden, her doctor suspects it was a blood clot in her lung.

My father was also a jerk to her when she was dying. Would come into her room, scream at her for no damned reason (What could a dying woman possibly do to him?) and then go off and watch some porn in the FAMILY DINING ROOM. projectile vomits everywhere

The fact that this woman would even be involved with someone like him doesn’t exactly speak highly of her character. But I’m sure the life insurance money from my mom has nothing to do with why she tolerates him.

@LeavesNoTrace it’s not unusual for men to start dating very soon after their partner dies. While it could relate to a lack of feelings for your mother, it might also be his way of handing his grief.

With his new lady friend. @LeavesNoTrace she doesn’t have any reason to feel guilty. She’s having a relationship with your dad and it’s not her duty to manage his childrens’ feelings about that situation. Perhaps she blocked you because she could sense your animosity? Perhaps she just doesn’t want to get involved with his family yet and things haven’t moved to that level for her yet.

I don’t really understand why you’re engaging with her on Facebook if you dislike her and are so angry with her. It sounds as though it might be healthier for you not to see her page.

You’re grieving still. We all grieve in our own way and in our own timeframes. Focus on your own grief and leave your father to deal with his.

@Bellatrix I’m not “engaging” her on FB. I’ve never spoken to her or had any contact, seriously.

Regardless of it being her right to date my father. I still find it disgusting and ghoulish. As most sensible people in my situation would.

@LeavesNoTrace Actually your mother being involved with him I personally don’t think has anything to do with her character, I believe it just proves he had a grip on her and she may have felt it is all she deserved but I can bet she started out a much bigger person with many dreams, your father just mashed any bigger dreams she had into little ones and made her feel hopeless and helpless, toxic abusive people are good at that. That is why it is better if they are out of your life and your thoughts.

Your mother deserved better, and you deserve better, just remember that, so do it for your mom and do what she couldn’t do.

@LeavesNoTrace if you aren’t trying to engage her, why does it even matter if she blocks you? It just makes no sense to me.

@Bellatrix I’m just upset over the whole situation. Between my mother dying while he treated her like crap, then him acting happy that she’s gone and then just seeing how quickly he moves on without a single thought to how disgusting it looks. He was always a pornography addict and a cheater though so I shouldn’t be surprised.

Also knowing that he’s likely spending my Mom’s insurance settlement with this homely cow is another kick in the teeth. I’m not going to do anything or say anything but still, it riles me.

My Mom was seriously awesome and I hate to see her memory dragged through the mud like this.

@LeavesNoTrace, I wish I could give you a hug. It is obvious that you are still traumatized by your moms death and your fathers actions are obviously not helping. Even moving to another continent hasn’t helped you escape the wake of his abbusive influence.
Have you found a counselor or therapist yet? Your situation is do complicated and so hurtful that I think the only way you are really going to sort through this in a healthy way is with a caring professional.

@LeavesNoTrace I wish I could give you a hug too. Don’t think about your Mom’s memory being dragged through the mud. It isn’t. Your folks are two separate people and those who knew her know your Mom was awesome. You just have to find a way – and @Judi‘s idea of therapy is a great one – to get your father out of your life and mind. Easier said than done, I know.

@LeavesNoTrace You know, I haven’t mentioned this until now for good reason, but I want you to know that I understand what you are going through.

I actually went through a very similar case. I’m not going to bring up all the feelings or the entire story because I seriously left all that behind. Maybe I am different than you but at first I was also very angry because of money that I felt rightfully was mine that I did’nt get and I was led to believe otherwise. I was angry. I get your anger.

After some time of the anger running my life I realized I was not grieving properly for my loved one. I then decided it was time to give in and move forward. So I grieved not one but two deaths and decided for myself it would be better if I had no contact or ties with the person who is still to this day afaik actually alive, because I knew for myself it just wouldn’t work.

We could have have a great relationship if she had not of broke multiple trust issues or lied or even taken advantage of the situation or had been mentally and emotionally abusive and a backstabber.

And when I had a relationship with her I was always wondering was she real and really when it comes to the estate of someone and money is involved you pretty much have to make sure every little thing is covered and in my situation we did not get the chance to do that and that someone older who I blindly trusted and she was smarter and close to me took advantage of that and lied to me, and told me things and took over the estate then using my mental illness against me as to why I would not be able to handle being the estate holder. Sometimes when things are toxic we cannot see too clear, and we can get caught up and make decisions that are not right.

Anyway its history now.

I think your situation is a little similar also because there are extra measures if I’m not mistaken that your mother could of done to ensure you got your part of the money, if your father hasn’t given it to you yet? I recall in some of the last posts you were worried he would not give you your money.

Also I know it is hard to see him move on, but you also have to remember that everyone grieves differently. Your father could of been grieving your mothers death from the moment she got sick. If he was watching pornos I am sure he still has a sex drive. It is hard enough to think of your parents as sex partners let alone a loving couple considering your mother was sick and the added strain of the abuse from your father. I’m sure that didn’t paint a pretty loving picture for you, and if your mother talked to you about it, rightfully I can see why maybe she didn’t say many positive things. That’s just my guess though.

I hope at least some of my long posts are making some kind of sense to help show you a way to achieve inner peace.

I’m not saying don’t be angry, but I’m saying vent that out differently than worrying about your “father” and how he is getting on with life.

I found getting obsessive about going to the gym and exercise has helped tremendously.

I understand @LeavesNoTrace and I feel for you. This lady may have no idea of who your dad really is though. She’s not, from what you’ve said, done anything wrong. Unless you know for sure she knows when your mum died, she may think it was a year ago. Even so, some men and women move on very quickly after their partner’s death. She may just be lonely and want to be happy and want to be with him. She may yet to learn how abusive your father can be.

I have seen it in my family too (people moving on very quickly). My former brother-in-law had moved in with someone very quickly after my sister died. I don’t believe he was cheating. I think he was sad, lonely and found solace with someone else. My feeling was, that’s his right. He made my sister very happy when she was alive and I hoped he would be happy with his new lady.

You’re grieving. You’re hurt and angry. I really think it’s a good thing you can’t see that page and I do think think this is something to talk to a counsellor about. To help YOU manage your pain. Your dad’s behaviour is out of your control. Focusing on that is a recipe for more pain for you.

@Bellatrix Thanks. I’m hoping she doesn’t know how bad he is and that’s why she’s with him. Although it’s a pretty small county I grew up in and she’s bound to know or at least find out that my Mother has only recently died.