Am I losing my mind?

You know what I’d do, call the police next time it happens and make sure you have your phone set to record. Record it. If he’s beating your sister up and feels so secure you and she won’t take it further, I’d make sure some burly cop showed up at the door and then had access to that recording. He involved you. He’s giving you proof there’s something going on there. If your sister can’t or won’t protect herself, but you’re being dragged into it, phone the cops.

What an arsehole he must be.

How sure are you that it was she who sent the text?

@Jeruba I thought of that.

She could be too embarrassed to admit it.
No you are not losing your mind, this happens in some bad relationships.
You may not even get an explaination from her at all.

How do you know it was actually your sister who texted you, especially if he had her phone.

I can relay part of the conversation.

I text her: What is going on?

Response: Hey “J” I have no idea what ur talking about. I didn’t call u. I’m picking up the kitties right now. They had their surgery today.

Me: you called at 5:30. have you had your phone on the last hour or so?

response: I can’t talk, I am driving (she wouldn’t text me while driving). I haven’t had my phone on and was out getting a few things. Don’t know what it was.

me: I could hear yelling. It was your cell number. I kept saying saying hello but who ever was on the other end kept yelling. sounded as though someone called and the yelling was in the background. It upset me so i called your cell right back, and when I did, I heard the same yelling. “N’s” brother heard it too. he was right beside. Anyhow, glad that you’re okay.

response: thanks honey for being concerned (this does not sound like her, by the way). Honestly, I didn’t call you. My phone was in my purse. Maybe being up north you intercepted someone else’s call.

me: can you talk now? where are you now?

response: i have to head across the street to meet the neighbour. I can’t talk right now. Not sure how long I’ll be.

—-
and that was it.

You know she’s having domestic violence issues. You know the call was from her phone. The call suggested she was in trouble. Call the police. Some people who are in this situation won’t or can’t help themselves. You were dragged into this when he (or she) placed that call and you say he’s done it before. If it was my sister, I’d call the police the next time it happens, as soon as it happens and I’d make sure I had the recording.

He could be using you as a threat to her. I doubt she wants you involved. She’s quite probably embarrassed or worried you might get hurt. My ex used to tell me my sister and brother said awful things about me. I checked with them and they’d never said those things but he used that idea to intimidate and undermine me.

Your sister is your priority. If you think she’s in harms way, mental or physical, you act.

She might be shitty with you after you do it but either she’s asking you for help by calling or he’s using you against her by calling. Either way – you need to do something and deal with her anger later on.

She sounds like she trying not to worry you, or maybe he is monitoring her activities, including her texts? If violence is involved, it wouldn’t be surprising. So sad.

I am doing something right now.

Does the weird cell connection seem plausible at all?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Not an hour ago I read you were relaxed and peaceful. I hope your sister is fine.

You called the phone back and got the same thing. Also, you recognised her voice? Yes?

Did it sound as though she was being threatened? Or in danger? If you are unsure, you could try to get her on her own when you get back but if this happens again, record the call and do something.

You could ring a domestic violence hotlline and ask their advice too. They’ll have seen this sort of thing before I’m sure.

Do you live near enough to go over there?

It did sound like her, although what they were saying, I could not make it out. It sounded as though the phone could have been in a pocket or someone’s hand? The female was yelling on the verge of crying. Wouldn’t stop. At first, I thought that someone passed away and my sister was upset emotionally.

@Jeruba Right now, I’m 5 hours away and have no way of getting home. I am at my partner’s cabin. She’ll be back on Friday and we’re heading home Monday. I have contacted my brother and he is with my Dad, so they both know. They live closer.

I am thinking that they had a fight and he let me listen. She wasn’t aware. When she found out, she was embarrassed or didn’t want me involved, so she denied it.

I sent her a text, stating that if she doesn’t call me within the next hour, I am calling the police. That I am concerned and all that she has to do is give me a quick call.

You have to trust your instincts @Mama_Cakes. The scenario you describe sounds very plausible to me. He sounds quite abusive. That sort of behaviour is manipulative. It feels as though he’s trying to isolate her from her family. Perhaps he doesn’t think you’ll do anything?

Something doesn’t feel right.

Would your brother go round and check on her?

She lives an hour away from the rest of my family. I will give her a bit more time and wait for her call.

I just don’t want to be overreacting.

Does she have a friend around there who could check up on her?

@flo She has friends where she lives, but I only know them by their first names. One being her neighbour.

Just got a text back: RELAX!

And will you?

I think you need to hear her voice.

What does it say though? I suppose you’re texting each other right now.

Last text that I received after sending a text stating that if I don’t get a quick call from her, I am calling the police because I am concerned was :RELAX!

exactly how I typed it there.

When I call it rings then goes to voice mail. All that she has to say is that she’s okay. Just a quick call.

You don’t know who sent that. If it was my sister and I was fine and she was freaking out, I’d call her and let her hear that I was fine. Is this typical of your sister’s behaviour?

It’s not inconceivable that she “pocket dialled” (or I guess “purse dialled”) you. This happens to me quite a lot because of the crappy phone I have. Maybe she was in line beside people who were yelling at each other and she tuned them out, so doesn’t remember.

But you have seen that they have a history that makes it possible that one of them called to let you hear a fight between them. And your instincts are saying that something is seriously wrong.

If I were you, I would also be concerned. I understand that you can’t drive over there right away, and you don’t want to piss her off so badly that she won’t answer your calls, but if it were me, I would want to hear her voice. And probably want to see her in person as well.

I hope it turns out ok for all concerned.

@Mama_Cakes this doesn’t sound right at all, I agree with everyone above.

@glacial She said that her phone was turned off.

Sorry, @Mama_Cakes, I missed that. Then no, the crossed connection thing doesn’t sound plausible to me.

It seems to me at this point that the fear of overreacting shouldn’t be the deciding factor. What about the risk of underreacting? Follow your instincts.

Received a text just now: “J” (me), I have been running around all evening. Right now all 3 of us (her, her husband and daughter) r on our way home after dropping “J’s” (her husband’s) truck off. I have no idea what you heard. Actually I’ll check my phone to c what outgoing calls went out today

another text: yes there was a call from my phone at 5:34…Not sure what happened. I would have been at the store and “M” (her daughter) was at home with the tutor…odd

Me:I thought that you said that your phone was turned off?

Just talked to her now and she said that she didn’t call. She sounded okay, so I will let it go. Do I believe her? No.

The fact that she wouldn’t call you back even though you were very upset and threatening to call the police is HIGHly suspect.

She either pocket dialed you called u secretly so there was some trail back to this man who seemingly has a pattern of DV. If she feels her life is in danger, she needs evidence like that to speak for her in the event that she can’t speak for herself.

People who are being abused often deny that they are.

@carob_tree‘s “HIGHLY suspect.” is right on the money.

She might have had to deny the call if she was speaking in front of her husband.

There is not much else that I can do. She got rather annoyed with me (“I’m losing my patience. I already said that I don’t know what happened with that call)” and so I backed off.

She mentioned that a call was made from her phone, but she didn’t do it, and she is baffled as to how that happened. She even said it herself, “It would be rather difficult to “butt dial” with my phone (iphone)”.

The kicker for me was when I called right back, SOMEONE PICKED UP, and I heard the same thing (yelling). Explain that to me.

-She didn’t tell you not to call the police.

- “and I heard the same thing (yelling). Explain that to me.” Your sister needs to explain that. Maybe there isn’t enough for the police, but there is something there for some entity.

How old is the child/children? Do they have their own cellphones?

When I basically said, I will call the police if I don’t hear from you. Just give me a quick call. Her text back was: RELAX.

Her daughter is 10. My niece doesn’t have a cell phone.

When I told her that I heard the same yelling when I called back, she said that she didn’t understand that could be either.

I kept saying on the phone that I thought that maybe her husband was pulling what he did before. When he called my cell and let me listen to my niece have a fit, but this time, he was letting me hear my sister go off. She said, “no that never happened”.

@Mama_Cakes She needs to get out of this situation.