Does time actually heal all wounds or does scar tissue just grow?

@janbb Really deep wounds never heal. There still there for the rest of your life. Sorry about that, but I thought back to some of the people I lost a long time ago and it made my eyes misty. The thing to do is to focus on the good memories and try to do what they would really want you to do if they could be there with you in those good times. Little different than your situation but try to frame it positively. (Not the abuse obviously but just life in general)

@Adirondackwannabe Oh – I think I’m coping very well now generally but it is more of a philosophical discussion. I think it’s a fairly false statement.

For me, scar tissue grows, allowing me to function, but some pain really is too deep to ‘get over’ but I’m pretty sensitive. Right or wrong, in whatever the situation is, it’s a personal journey towards letting go, moving forward and being happy.

I was just thinking earlier how much I miss my grandmother, who was my best friend for most of my life, even when I hated my mom. I’ll always miss her, but it’s not the blind confusion that occurred after the funeral and lasted several years, so I consider that progress, so I can enjoy the memories without bawlling. :) You’ll be okay.

It heals, like any wound. I guess it could be considered more of a scar, though. It takes the edge of of memories. Here lately, for some reason, I’ve been really kicking myself for divorcing the kid’s dad 20+ years ago. But then I remember bits and pieces of the shit he was full of, and realize I probably did the right thing. However, if I’d known he was going to completely abandon them and move 2000 away….well, maybe it would have been different. I would have been willing to sacrifice the next 15 years of my life so he would be around for them. That still hurts, because it hurt his children so very badly and has repercussions every single day.

@Dutchess_III What a jerk, let him take responsiblity for his abandonment, don’t take that on yourself. I still will never understand how a parent can abandon or neglect their own children to that degree and call themselves human.

Scars will be there, sometimes forever. I think the mind filters out all the bad events except the really severe stuff. And even that becomes less emotionally loaded because it is the past and not the present, it is no longer eminent or threatening. Time makes bad experiences endurable. Living a busy life helps. Old experiences are supplanted by new. The more events and experiences one has, the more one develops. Often we develop into totally different people with a new perspective which enables us to view formerly bad experiences as something else.

Yeah, he’s all remorseful now, @KNOWITALL. It just started last Christmas when he thought he was dying. Now he’s in contact with them, sending cards, even money after almost completely ignoring them all this time. He has a daughter who just turned 18, and a grandson who will turn 18 in July, if that tells you anything about him. He has 2 other, younger kids. He just went and started a new family.

He’s on fb now, too. The kids are posting pics of their kids. I about choked when he wrote “Wow! I have a whole tribe going on down there!” Narcissistic, selfish son of a bitch.

It depends on the wound and how much salt was poured on it. If the situation was respectful and even if it wasn’t your choice, you can see the rightness of the decision, I think you can heal. It will take a long time but it can happen if both parties are caring in their treatment of each other.

If the ending was not respectful, was acrimonious and you were continually hurt and disillusioned, I think you will get passed it but there will always be a scar. This is also true if you felt very resentful and didn’t ever really agree with the break-up but have had to put up with it.

I hope the first option is true and you can heal fully and eventually be friends.

Entirely depends on the individual, not to mention the circumstances regarding personal “wounds”, but i’ve always held the belief that they heal if you allow them to.
There’s no timescale or plan set in stone for this, move on in your own time & in your own way, whatever feels right/comfortable has to be the way to go.

In my experience it never fully heals and your description of scar tissue makes a lot of sense to me. However, that doesn’t mean that life can’t be enjoyable again even if there are certain things that will always cause us pain every so often. I know it’s a cliche but I like to think that for every little bit of scar tissue I grow, the stronger I am.

@Leanne1986 Oh for sure as to enjoying life. I don’t mean that the pain stays at the same level at all. I am so much more content than I was a year ago and even that was better than at first. And stronger than I was? No comparison.

The memories (and associated feelings) do soften with time.

I tend to think of it more like losing a limb. It stops hurting after awhile and you learn to do with out it, but it is still gone.

Time does heal old wounds just in time for new ones to develop.

A long time ago on a television show I heard someone say, when talking about his wife’s death, “you don’t get over it, you just get used to it.” I have believed it ever since.

Someone once told me that the way a pain pill works is by slowing down time. The pill doesn’t actually make the pain go away. It makes time seem longer. The pain stays the same, but it instead of x amount of pain over y amount of time, the pain pill makes it feel like x amount of pain over y3 amount of time.

I don’t know if that is true or not. I think about that in relation to the intense pain I’ve experienced in my life. Nothing takes away the pain. But it gets spread out over time and doesn’t seem as intense. It is really the exact same pain, just spread out.

Scars are just the wrinkles that come with age.

If by “heal” we mean “back to normal” (pre-wound), no. But we generally do come to grips with a new normal, so to speak, after enough time has passed. Scar tissue seems apt.

What I have found is that if past trauma can become “irrelevant” in some way – so removed from your present life that you aren’t reminded of it constantly – it can heal over pretty successfully.

Things that can’t be escaped are harder. Time helps, but I don’t know that the wound ever fully heals.