What is the proper way to address a widow?

Traditional etiquette calls for “Mrs.” Older widows of my acquaintance have preferred that, and it’s not any news to them that their husbands are gone. But fashion in forms of address has changed so much in recent decades that many women might never have chosen to use the traditional form even while their husbands lived.

I don’t think you can go wrong with “Ms.,” but your best bet might just be to ask them which form of address they prefer. Some may feel that they’re still Mrs. Smith and always will be, and it would disrespect their late husbands to call them otherwise. Others may have been “Ms. Smith” from the time they were married, and “Ms. Jones” before that—or maybe they never used their husbands’ names at all.

I, for one, appreciate your use of the more formal address instead of presumptuously defaulting to first name.

I would call a widow what she was called when she was married.. If she liked Mrs., I would still call her that; if she used Ms., I would use that.

Why must you use a title? Can’t you just use the first and last name? Living in a retirement community in Florida, I know many widows. Some were not married to a man and some were. Most use their first and last names without the formal title. Some still use Mrs. I don’t know any that use Ms.

@bkcunningham, do you mean that you’d like to be greeted in a law office with “Hello, Jane Smith. Please have a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here”? or receive correspondence that began with “Dear Jane Smith” instead of “Dear Mrs. Smith” or “Dear Ms. Smith”?

Use of a title and surname in a professional setting is courteous and respectful. I’m glad that the practice still survives in some settings. A retirement community is a social setting, and different customs might be expected to apply.

I would say use your sense to gauge her age and relationship to her husband when he died.

Most older women who were married a long time prefer to be addressed by Mrs. Jones.
Then, there are people who were legally wed for years, but separated.
Each case is individual, so I usually say “Mrs. Jones, or would you prefer me to call you April?”

It’s rarely wrong to err on the side of etiquette and then ask.

I’ve been in and around many law firms and other professional settings and was announced as, “B.K. Cunningham” and addressed by my first name. I can’t think of one time someone announced, “Mrs. Cunningham to see you.” If the secretary knew me well enough to know my name, they addressed me by my first name. I do see your point though.

If it is a stranger you are addressing in a professional setting, and you know that they are a widow, when addressing them verbally I’d definitely say, “Mrs.” I suppose the same would hold for writing a formal letter to them as well.

Another thing I was thinking about. We’ve flipped many houses here in the past couple of years and I’m never addressed as Mrs. Cunningham in the closing offices or the realty offices of the attorney’s offices. I’m always, “B.K. Cunningham.”

If they are recently widowed, I would choose Mrs. as the default. I suspect it would be more hurtful to be confronted with a new Ms. than the familar Mrs.

Also, if the recipient usually goes by Ms., she is probably accustomed to having people get it wrong, and will not take it personally… whereas if she usually goes by Mrs., then Ms. might be seen as a bit of an affront.

Mam

Again, age of said widow @pleiades

I dislike being called ma’am by teenagers nearly as much as I dislike being called “honey” by people my own age.

I mostly have issues when I send letters. A greeting is absolutely required. Once I get to know them I call them by their first names, but when I first talk to the person I think it’s only polite to address them as Mrs. or Ms.

I agree. I would use Mrs. And ask if that is okay.

I would use Mrs. unless you know she preferred Ms. when her husband was still alive.

@pleiades You would use ma’am in a written letter?

@Blueroses Well, in the south and in the military you would be annoyed a lot. It rubs me the wrong way too, but culturally in some parts of the US kids get repremanded if they don’t use ma’am.

I am a widow, and I always like Mrs. It makes me happy.

Hello, Mrs. Finkel. Nice to see you here! (This weekend is 10 years since they graduated!)