Am I being a bad friend?

Setting out your boundaries right away was a very adult thing to do. Learning to set limits that you are comfortable when having a visitor is important and stating them up front is the best way to avoid misunderstandings. If you’d like, you could send a follow-up saying that within the time constraints that you have, you would really like to see her and hope she will let you know if she can make it.

No, of course you weren’t out of line! I wish I had helicopter parents!

It depends how it was said. Also if you had suggested an alternative time to visit it might have been better but if you are going away for a year it might not have been possible. As @janbb says you could get in touch with her to say you’d really like to see her before you leave.

No, not at all out of line, but she might understand as you said, so initiate reaching out to her. If you are that good a friends you just need to clear the air with her.

I know a little how she feels. She really likes hanging out with you, and was looking forward to it, and she feels a little rejected by circumstance. So call her back and set up a short visit.

“Can I come visit you for the first time in three years? Say, next month?”
“Well, sure, but not for long. I’m too busy.”

You have to see how she might’ve been hurt by that, even if that’s not exactly how you said it. Are you a horrible friend for saying it? No, but that doesn’t mean he has no reason to feel rejected by it.

Call her and clear the air.

Well, from what the OP said, the person hasn’t had experience with grown up life, but I agree with you @livelaughlove21. Call and try to clear the air. Good luck.

You have your reasons and that is all right. Some people might take this as a rejection and a sign that she’s not really that important to you. Your answer was not very enthusiastic. I’m not saying your answer was wrong, but it might have been perceived as a rejection or that she’s one of the least important things in your life right now. I understand your situation. You’re in a stressful situation and there’s only so much that a person can do at any given time. I also understand her situation. She wants to meet an old friend and receives a response that she might feel was a rejection.

Contact her again and say that you are looking forward to her visit, but you need to have the dates nailed down in advance, and when is she planning on coming.

You handled this in a straigt forward manner and placed all your cards on the table for her to let her know your situation.
I suspect that she is driving to your place right now.
Hense the week without texting? perhaps?

she has a helicopter @Inspired_2write!

@Dutchess_III
Possibly! LOL

You weren’t out of line. The only other things you could have done is say, I’d love to see you but at that time I’m going to be flat out preparing to go to France. So, I won’t have much time during the day. Do you want to come at another time, or do you have things you can do during the day while I work?

@bookish1
I hope that it was not an emergencyu situation where she HAD to get away?

Wait…where are you going for a year @bookish1? And will you still be here??

Call her ASAP. Especially if you’re sure she’s going to surprise you at the last minute, not having heard a word you said.

I wouldn’t say you were a bad friend, but I could see how she might have interpreted it as a brush off. If you really do want to see her, tell her you’re getting excited about the visit, and ask her for the date(s) so you can plan a day of fun (two days?) for while she’s visiting.

@janbb: I still have trouble setting boundaries, and then I second-guess myself after I have attempted to do so. Thank you for your thoughtful advice.
@Dutchess_III: Thanks for your advice. I’ll still be Flutherin’ next year, just from France.
@flutherother: You’re right. Tone is impossible to convey through text messages! It’s hard to get ahold of her any other way. And it would have been more diplomatic to suggest an alternative time to visit, but there’s not really any choice as I’m leaving the country in a couple months.
@livelaughlove21: Thank you for the insight. That’s precisely why I asked the question. I was having trouble seeing how my friend might have perceived my remark.
@tups: Likewise, I appreciate the insights. You’re right; my response was not very enthusiastic. I suppose I was a little irritated that she wanted to visit out of the blue during a very busy time for me, when she is neither working nor going to school.
@marinelife: Thank you for your very sound and practical advice!
@Bellatrix: Thank you. That’s a good compromise. But I think it makes more sense to just consider her visit a holiday; I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment and won’t be able to work while she’s around, and I don’t want to do that anyway since our time together will be so limited.
@Inspired_2write: Good thought, but that is not the case fortunately.
@augustlan: Thank you; that is a much better way for me to present the situation.

Thanks to all for your thoughts and suggestions. I wasn’t sure whether I had done something that I needed to apologize for, hence why I posed the question here. I just got in touch with her and told her I would love to have her visit, but I need to know when it will be so I can plan for it. Her lack of response was because of personal issues, not because she felt insulted by me. So we’re going to plan a trip for her very soon.

^^ Time to bust out the Kerala mix for her visit!