Care to give your input on this Fluther theory I am developing?

@SuperMouse Let me check my “Magic 8-Ball”.
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“Better not tell you now”
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..“Concentrate and ask again.”

What gets me is that they often give little or no detail on how he acts around them. They just say they had a dream, and they say that he’s perfect for them, and they think they belong together or some shit. :|

I hate those questions. How do they finds us?

But, but, but…does he like me? Oh, being a teenager was no fun! (And being one again is not much fun either!)

Why will they do almost anything except ask the person involved?

@marinelife It’s hard to do at 17 so one looks for signs and portents.

ok so ummm haha idk but tell me pleaseeeeeeeee

Translation: I think you’re onto something, @SuperMouse…

To head off any teenage outrage and “u dont understandddddd” messages: Kids, all of us were 17 once. If you seriously want advice, read the responses. If you’re just here to vent angst, well, that’s your prerogative… just as getting teased a bit is for others. ;)

It should be obvious, even I can remember what it was like, once upon a time.

Reply hazy. Ask again later.

Hormones operating at that many PSIs make it impossible to think straight. Add to that the fact that teens have zero relationship experience and often even less parental guidance.

Frankly we should be relieved that some teens end up at Fluther seeking such advice and not on the street — from their buddy’s drug addled older sister (who cuts herself).

::ahem:: like I did. ;^(

As far as the dream questions go, it is my theory that these exist not because people seek their meaning, but because they want to tell the dream. Hiding that intent in a question gives the perfect excuse to tell a whole dream. I mean, it’s not very complicated to find dream interpretation online if you’re wanting to know what it means, whether you believe it or just for fun. I kook up my dreams all the time. Whenever someone asks what their dream mean, I usually point out the source I use, through a link. I am further convinced that these people only want to tell you their dream when they only reply to those who commented on the dream and said something like, my what a dark mind you have!

I remember being a teenage girl and wanting to meet someone and fall in love and have that person love me back. I also remember hearing (mostly guys) make mean and hurtful and humiliating comments to girls who they thought were beneath them, or too fat or too ugly or too stupid/lame/coveredwithzits/oilyhair/white/bignosed to be potential mates/dates for them. They would actually laugh and tell girls to their face, or to their friends so that everybody could hear, that they were fat or ugly or whatever other hideous thing they thought she was.

So I was scared sh*tless to even consider walking up to a guy I liked and telling him that I liked him, or asking him if he liked me. Plus, since I had zero experience, I had no idea what signs were considered to be interest in me. I had heard that some guys would punch a girl in the arm if he liked her, wheras other guys would punch girls in the arm that they thought were unworthy of their affections. I also heard that guys would look you in the eye if they liked you, I also heard that guys would hide their gaze if they liked you because they were shy, I also heard that guys would stare at you or look you in the eye if they thought you were particularly ugly. I also heard that even though a guy might like you and say kind things to you in private, this same guy would say outrageous mean things about you in front of other people, possibly because even though he liked you, you were considered to ugly or whatever to be acceptable to the general population. Etc., etc. etc.

Back then, we didn’t have Fluther, so the only things we could do is hope that this guy that we liked would smile at us and talk to us and let us know that he liked us (which pretty much never happened) or ask our female friends whether they had heard any gossip, or what they thought we should do (short of actually talking directly to the guy) but since they didn’t have any experience either, some of the things that they suggested we try seemed like a really bad idea (like leaving him one of those questionnaires in his locker).

So now, I try to advise young ladies to speak to the guys that they like, but not to just blurt out their undying love for them. They should just walk up to them and talk to them like any other friend, then slowly try to feel out the situation, always leaving themselves and out, so as not to look like an idiot in front of him (or the other witnesses) if he’s not interested.

Fluther is really a great and safe place for the young ladies to come and ask these questions, because they’re anonymous, and they don’t have to look foolish in front of their friends by asking seemingly stupid or embarrassing questions. But yet, they still get the information they need, even if they don’t choose to follow our advise.

The dream questions on the other hand (asked by both young people and adults) tend to be asked by people who already have a clear idea of how they feel about someone, they just want validation and the opportunity to show us how intense and unique they are (even when they aren’t). They usually have a crush on some particular person, and they hope and pray that dreams actually do mean something, they want to believe it, just like they want to believe in horoscopes and love at first sight and happily ever after. I’m always sorry to disappoint those people, because I don’t think dream mean anything, they’re just manifestations of things that are actually happening in our lives, coupled with brain chemicals, hormones, lack of sleep, and bean burritos eaten late at night.

You do have a point about the Magic 8 Ball. Where the young woman asks a question that deals with atypical circumstances and behaviours, we Jellies may be able to offer answers that enable her to evaluate her own feelings and perceptions of her male friends feelings and intentions. Without such specifics, her question reduces to a request for reassurance from people who could not possibly offer a helpful answer.

Pre-internet we simply agonized inwardly or with a best friend. Now kids have the whole world to bore with their adolescent agonizing.

A reasonable theory. Personally, I think anyone using a forum of strangers to ask whether he or she is liked or loved by someone else is unanswerable and a monumental waste of everybody’s time. If the two people involved day to day in the relationship can’t figure that out, how can we, in other cities, states countries possibly know? I’m not trying to be mean or insensitive—and perhaps there could be enough solid info in the question to help jellies make educated comments—but in the main, I just don’t think one can find that kind of answer online, certainly not one that could be much valid.

Advice about problems in a relationship or suggestions on how to improve it, perhaps, but a definitive answer to “Does she/he” like me,” probably not.

did somebody say 8-ball?

<sniffs, rubs nose> No, why?

A magic 8 ball. No. Some have written some details from time to time, but they simply don’t understand intent. Remember that most teens don’t even understand their own feelings half of the time. I find it understandable that they hope that people who are not involved can bring clarity. Even as adults we sometimes have a hard time reading someone elses intent. So why would it be strange that teens will feel they need some help in interpreting another person intent?

I know those questions can get tiresome, but I try to view them as an opportunity to teach these kids what they really need to know: how to deal with uncertainty and how to communicate with the object of affection in the face of it. Basically, how to act on their own behalves. << Is that even a word? In most cases, we can’t offer the answer they want, but we might give them the one they need.

All that said, maybe we should start selling Magic 8 Balls in the Fluther store…

I like the magic 8 ball theory. I think that today, since the internet has great authority, but it also allows you to cherry-pick your information, people post questions on here hoping to find confirmation for what they already believe/wish. I think young people tend to think via technology. This is why people can have endless conversations all day by text message… It’s how they thing and work things through. And this is why we have so many posts on here that are essentially diary entries, that don’t give us the necessary details to even answer the question.

@augustlan: It seems like that should be a word! But I’ve only seen it in the singular. :-p And I’d totally buy a Magic 8 Ball with Dr. J on it… Maybe the “Ask me later” response can be a picture of Server Squid!!

@augustlan With jellyfish on them.

I don’t remember ever wondering if a guy likes me.

@JLeslie: That’s ‘cuz they all liked you.

I suspect it is one individual who is using this place as a way to either vent or get ideas.
Writing style is like a signature and many of these seem to be done by the same hand.

I don’t mind. It is harmless fun. It takes me less than a second to skip the question and if I do read one it reminds me of younger days.

BTW, 40 years later I found out she did like me.

I don’t care enough to give a shit.

@cookieman I usually was the one pursued, but it isn’t that I was pursued a ton. I just never had a crush that I agonized about. I didn’t care enough about dating and boys (boys in my case) that sort of thing. I think I was a little like @ucme. When I was flirting I knew we liked each other. There was a time when I was told a guy liked me and I had no idea, but I wasn’t wondering of he liked me, I had no idea who he was. Turned out he was the footbal quarterback for my school. LOL.

We need to sell custom-made Magic 8 Balls in the Fluther store. Instead of the simple yes/no answers, those can be replaced by phrases from different jellies. For example, instead of “reply hazy, try again” we insert @ucme‘s answer above. Then, we sell it.

@LuckyGuy: I strongly disagree that it is likely one person. Their writing has no originality because they are 16 and don’t read.

I actually answer most questions on Askville with magic 8 ball answers now. All of the “does he like me” and “Am I pregnant” and “is this celebrity gay?” questions are fair game.

I would have considered a forum such as this one a gift when I was an adolescent. There were no reliable mentors or sources of information available that I would have felt even marginally comfortable consulting.

My girlfriends and I had very long phone conversations after school, having spent much of the school day together discussing boys, crushes and the like, about these same universal questions. (Until our mothers made us get off the phone in case our fathers were calling from work and wanted to not get a busy signal for ah hour.)

The arrival, one day, of my sexuality, was a shock that I can still remember. It never occurred to me that everyone else felt the same way, so that was another part of the mystery. Of course, I solved it myself as I got older, but it would have been reassuring to have had some help.

At a big number high school reunion several years ago, we sat around discussing who had crushes on whom and how it felt. We all had suffered, felt humiliation, rejection, embarrassment and insecurities, of course. How nice it would have been to know at the time.

But I was able to find the boy-friend-of-the-year with very little difficulty from ninth grade on. It seemed pretty straightforward, but I did have other interests, such as an obsession with studying and learning.

It’s definitely not one person (although I suspect that idea might have simply been a joke).

@JLeslie I never wondered if a boy liked me, either. There were times I was shocked to find out that a guy did like me, but I hadn’t been wondering about it. Of course, I had crushes when I was younger, but they didn’t consume my every waking (and sleeping!) thought.

@augustlan Sure, me too small crushes, but it usually was a flirtation. Still, it happened rarely. I don’t remember ever really day dreaming about any boys, it was more just thinking they were cute, that sort of thing. I never sat back from afar and pined after someone.

I agree with @augustlan, it’s a good forum to help them, educate them about safe sex and give them advice from a group of older jellies who have been there and done that. It amazes me how many young adults and kids can’t talk to adults in their lives about personal subjects, it’s kind of sad.

I scoff at these questions, but I recently found my journal I wrote while spending 3 weeks in China. Here I was on an AMAZING once in a lifetime vacation—and all I wrote about was missing some boy and wondering if he was going to go out with some other girl while I was gone.

I guess sometimes we old folks need to get some perspective on things. Sure at 40 I couldn’t care less if some guy blinked at me or did not blink at me and what does it all mean? But 20 and under, this was just about ALL I thought about.

@LuckyGuy So, are you thinking it may be someone like “Ask Laska” or “Dear Abby” who comes here to get their answers and then puts them in print form?

<———Abby

Go ahead. Ask me.