Why would an alcoholic not respond to you?

She would not respond to you for the same reason a person who is not an alcoholic would not respond to you, she’s not interested in speaking to you.

It sounds as though this was a very challenging relationship from the beginning. Perhaps it is time to let it go and move on to someone who values their relationship with you more than their relationship with alcohol. I know that sounds harsh and might be kind of difficult, but in the end I think you will be pleased with the decision to remove yourself from all of the dysfunction.

P.S. Go Big Red! Find yourself a fellow Husker!

Then why doesn’t she tell me to go and block me instead of ignoring me? Megan had done this before and took my texts and responded a week later. telling me she had been receiving my texts.

Do you know whether Megan’s stopped drinking or if she’s still drinking heavily?

If she’s sober, she might avoid you because she:

—Is ashamed of how she behaved when you and she were together.

—Associates you with a painful, difficult period of her life that she’d prefer to forget.

—Has moved forward and doesn’t want to revisit the past.

If she’s still drinking, she might:

—Be fearful that you’ll scold and lecture her.

—Know that she can’t stop, at least not yet, and that a relationship with you isn’t possible under such circumstances.

—Be embarrassed that she was, and still is, such a mess.

@Huskeralum1985 give her some time. Leave her alone. If she wants to respond she will, if she doesn’t she won’t. Either way your best bet is to focus on yourself so that you will be fine whatever the outcome and ready to proceed in a relationship. Try not to read much into her not blocking you, maybe it just didn’t occur to her.

I never told her not to drink. I said I have concerns because she is on depression meds, high blood pressure meds and I care about her and was concerned. And, yes, I know she is still drinking. I also wanted to get her out and away from the bar she frequents just for a change . I later found out that’s her life line. It’s been ten days. My Social worker friend says I’m being conditioned to be an enabler.

Megan is totally tech knowledgeable. My Social worker friend says she is not done with me. Megan doesn’t want to lose her Bank. Me.

She ended the relationship, so why are you trying to get in touch with her? She may be ignoring you because she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Rather than send you a message telling you to leave her alone, to which you would then probably respond, she is just ignoring you completely.

Honestly, it sounds like this is the best for you. I understand you care about her and want better things for her, but if she doesn’t want better things for herself (such as getting away from her favorite bar), then you won’t be able to make her change.

Try not getting in touch with her and see what happens. If she truly wants to keep you around (be it for you or your wallet), she’ll be in touch eventually. Then it’s up to you whether you continue from there. Good luck.

Any normal person would tell you to leave them alone. And that would be it!

@Huskeralum1985 That’s not necessarily true. I’ve just stopped talking to someone before because I knew telling them to leave me alone would just lead to them talking to me more. Eventually people stop trying if you ignore them long enough.

This woman said that I was a good man and treated her like a queen. She said it was her?

Your an alcoholic? Or have an addicted personality?

I was told by a Social worker that this is typical behavior for an addict.

No, I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t have an addicted personality. I am a nurse and I have seen alcoholics at various stages of their alcoholism. There are typical behaviors for people based on things such as alcoholism, but that doesn’t mean every alcoholic does each of those things all of the time.

She ended the relationship for a reason. If she does want to keep you around for your wallet, she’ll get in touch with you eventually. But, if she doesn’t want to keep you around for your wallet, you may not hear from her ever again.

What are you hoping to accomplish when you get in touch with her? Are you trying to get your relationship back with her? Do you really want to be in a relationship with her knowing that you cannot change her or her drinking? From what you posted before, this was not a good relationship, so why do you want to go back to it?

What does your social worker friend say about your desire to get back in touch with her and back into the relationship with her?

My social worker friend says your being conditioned to be a enabler a great possible life long one if you just learn to shut your mouth about the drinking and just pay for it.

Is that what you want? If not, they why are you trying to go back to that?

I guess I thought I could help her. Foolish me.

You can’t help someone that doesn’t want the help. She has made it clear that she doesn’t want the help right now. It’s not foolish to want to help someone, but you have to understand that she has to want to do it for herself before she’ll be successful. The best way you can help her right now is to not give in to her if/when she does get in touch with you.

In the meantime, if you were to get back in a relationship with her, she would tear you down while you were trying to help her since she doesn’t want that right now. It’s great that you want to help her, but you have to take care of yourself as well and getting back into an unhealthy relationship would not be a good way to take care of yourself.

Where is our self-respect? Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is only interested in your wallet? Why would you want to set yourself up for a lifetime of enabling someone’s addiction? She is not ready for help. She is not interested in a relationship with you. Count your blessings and move on. You now officially have a chance for a happy, healthy relationship with a person who is interested in you for more than your money.

She has clearly moved on from you. You should do the same thing. You may have loved her and still feel love for her, but none of that matters. She’s a hot mess, she used you, you enabled her and if she comes back (probably for your money) you are likely to continue to enable her even more, making her problem worse, making you look like a sucker and a glutton for punishment.

Without you around, she might get worse also (but that blood won’t be on your hands) or she might get better, but that will be because she won’t have anybody around to continue enabling her sick behavior.

She has made it plainly clear (by her silence) that she is not interested in continuing a relationship with you? Is there something wrong with you? Something that makes you unable to see what is clearly right in front of you? You may need to get a little bit of short term counseling (forget what your friend the social worker is telling you, she knows nothing specific about your EX-girlfriend’s situation). You need an independent counselor (not a buddy of yours) to help you come to terms with the loss of this relationship and to help you figure out how to re-gain your self esteem. It sounds like this girl ate your soul and shat it out the other end. Don’t allow that to happen to you again. You sound like a good and kind person, but don’t be a doormat for anyone.

If she is still an alcoholic, why are you trying to contact her? You were right to end it.

There are a million reasons she might not be responding chief among them she is busy drinking.

Forgive me for being blunt @Huskeralum1985 but by your own admission you are her bank have no control over this women, do you want to control her with your money? don’t have a good relationship with her. And probably more from the last question I missed.

So you want to help this woman? Why? So she will be indebted to you? Do you have low self esteem? Do you feel like she is the best you can do? That being in a dysfunctional relationship is better then being alone?

You are in fact making this harder on yourself. By drawing this out. By being certain of your irreplacibility but then doubting it after extensive delays.

She probably won’t block you because as a described user can never have too many backups for desperate situations. But if you are bothersome or whiny or angsty or drama you will be the last resort.

I say you probably are already codependent. Maybe this would be a good time to examine you and your motivations instead of her.

Not whiny or bothersome or drama she is moving on. Ignore when she does contact me..Thank you all

You tried to help. It didn’t work. Think of yourself more at this point. It may seem selfish to you because you are a good guy and care a lot, but you should not give up any more than you have already given. Her mom is taking care of her and she’s comfortable with that. Go find out what more your life has to offer you. You’re an admirable fellow. As someone told me about an alcoholic someone I love, “Some times it takes a lo-o-o ng time for an alcohol to hit bottom and healing can’t begin until that bottom is hit.”

My clinical social worker friend said there’s a sliver of a chance she may not contact me. She said this a cycle and she has taught Al anon classes for 16 years about addiction and behavior she says have a defense plan in place.

Your defense plan should be to not get re-involved with this person, even if she comes back begging you to help her. If she does contact you, simply say to her, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us and I hope you are getting help. I’m sorry I can’t help you anymore, I’ve moved on.”

Do not engage her any further or you will start the whole ugly cycle again.

And please do not sit around waiting for her to contact you, nor pining away for her or your lost relationship. It’s gone. Go out and live, try to meet people that will treat you with equality and respect, and never allow yourself to be put in another situation like this ever again.

The real chance is she try to return according to my Clinical social worker. She bet a weeks groceries and she says she’s not a betting person. Within 30 days at the most.She has seen it hundreds of times.

@Huskeralum1985 Do you realize that you are obsessed with your ex-girlfriend???

You need to get some help for yourself. Can your social worker friend refer you to a trained counselor?

In the meantime, the way to avoid having your ex-girlfriend contact you, is for you to block her and not wait for her to block you. And stop speculating on why she hasn’t blocked you first, because it doesn’t matter. It only matters that you need to separate yourself from this person.

I can’t help but think that you secretly want her to contact you so that you can dive right back into this awful situation again and pretend like you are a hero. Why would you want to do that? You won’t be a hero, you’ll be a fool and a sucker.

I get the feeling that English is not your first language, so you may not understand what the term sucker means. It means that you are putting yourself in a position to get taken advantage of.

You need to get over your obsession with her.

Why? Why? Why?

Kardamon thanks for the tuff love.

@Huskeralum1985: I don’t understand. You said (on another thread) that you just got a Master’s Degree. You pay for everything with this girl. She lives with her mommy, has financial problems due to her drinking, has health problems (possibly due to her drinking) and she’s not particularly nice to you.

Am I missing something? Is there anything good about her? Is there anything good about this relationship? Is there something that this relationship does to your ego? Makes you feel like a savior, perhaps? Makes you feel like you are superior?

I agree with others on this thread and on the previous that you should get some help for yourself, to find out why you are so codependent on her and feel like you actually enjoy enabling her. Your enabling behavior will not help her. It will free up her finances so she can spend more on alcohol. Alcohol has numerous detrimental effects on people’s health. You will be with a woman who is physically as well as mentally ill.

You’re eagerly waiting for her to call you for what? So you can be thrilled to have her back and you can start paying for things again?

Wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship where the woman has something to offer? Brings something to the table?

I believe that Huskeralum had been in this relationship for a long time, got comfortable with the ups and downs of it and is now missing her.
He/She is also worried about this girl.Understandable.
Maybe needs to HEAR that everyting is Ok.
Possibly the girl is busy drowning her sorrows in drink and that could be a reasonable assumption to make since in times of trouble this girl turns to heavy drinking to forget painful memories?
I say phone the mother to see IF she is Ok. Then decide to leave it for good, or not?

@Inspired_2write According to the OP on This Other Question he only met this woman 3 months ago, and he learned very early on that she was an alcoholic and a leech, but he decided to continue to date her (no one can figure out why) and then she dumped him. Unfortunately I think he is obsessed with her. He doesn’t just want to know if she’s OK, he wants her to get back together with him so they can continue this sick relationship.

He probably needs more help than she does.

@Kardamom Thanks for clearing that up.
I knew of a few young men whom thought that rescuing ‘damsels in distress” would make them look like heros?
( too many video game scenerios).
Thanks I will walk away from this one.

I am really curious to have @Huskeralum1985 answer my questions. I am really curious what it is about this relationship that has him so hooked. (I am aware of the seemingly illogical reasons of his subconscious, like codependency, I am more curious about what he thinks the attraction is)

@jca I agree emphatically. OK I am pretty curious as to why and what.

However I realize that this could be a deeply personal matter or one of deep subconscious. Maybe we should respect his reluctance to share.

However I do think it is something he needs to find out and clarify for himself before he can move into a healthy relationship.