Do you have more than 1 child? How do you manage to stay sane?

I got two kids & I stay relatively sane because they’re awesome & you know what…so am I.

I don’t have children, but I’ve taken care of a lot of them – and very often, I find kids the most annoying when their only source of amusement is me. With two or more children, you get to step back a little. In between fights, of course…but still.

I’m with @longgone she took the words right out my mouth. My girlfriend who has one child was her son’s only source of companionship until he finally got to the age where he could play well with other children, but still, those kids are not in their home all the time, they are next door in their own homes usually.

I have three sisters who have children. Two of them have 3 children, one of them has 4. They all survived and their children came out fine. Of course there were moments of “Will I make it through?” for each of them and their husbands, but nothing horrible. All of them said that the second time it was easier because they knew what they were doing.

IMHO, I think that when there is only one child, the parents become too focused on that child. I have a niece (on my husband’s side of the family) who is an only child. Her parents – my SIL in particular – is a big time helicopter parent. My BIL isn’t as bad but he gets sucked into hovering by his wife. Luckily, my niece seems to be developing her own personality and isn’t just a compliant little blob. I’m looking forward to seeing what she picks up in pre-school in September!

We have two girls that are now grown and wonderful people. They each have two kids and the dogs and cats that go along with children.

I can’t take too much credit because I was either at sea or traveling on business trips so my wife did a wonderful job of raising the kids. We found that the second child was much easier than the first one. Mostly because we knew what was coming next. Things got a little out of control when the girls were in high school but they had enough character and encouragement from us to navigate through the rough patches.

I found that dealing with my son for the first few years of his life was hard, partly because I was so obsessed with being the perfect parent and expecting him to be the perfect little baby.

He was genetically high-strung, a light sleeper, physically precocious and a demanding little ruffian most of the time. I restrained myself from dashing his head against the wall because 1) he was beautiful, 2) he was smart, 3) he was clever and 4) my husband and his parents afforded me some relief.

I went back to work part-time when he was a year and a few months: I hired a terrific Scotswoman to look after him three days a week. We were all much happier, and I treasured the time I did spend with him. My salary enabled me to pay for weekly cleaning help. The division of labor made us all much happier.

When my daughter was born, just shy of five years later, it was a pleasure. i was calmer and she was naturally calmer.

Having the two was truly much easier.

@gailcalled In retrospect do you think the type of baby your son was had anything to do with you being higher strung at the time? Or, maybe vice versa, his personality had you more worked up? I know several people where it seems how they are as parents is reflected in their child, but at the same time I think all of us are born with a certain amount of our personality.

My kids were six years apart in age and that was far enough that:
a) my wife forgot she would never have another
b) I forgot about the late nights
c) We were already used to it not just being about the two of us anymore.
d) My son was actually a help with his sister
e) We practiced on #1 so were not as obsessive with #2 (#3 probably would have had to raise itself).
f) You think the infant thing is/was tough. Wait until the teens. You will be longing for the baby days.

I have just one. Love kids, could have one or ten, and I’d be fine. It’s the breeding thing that hurts. Not doing that again, thanks. In fact, not doing anything that could possibly require a blood transfusion at the end again.

I have three. Just like anything in this life, you adjust. I like having them all, they keep one another company and it does get easier.

@SuperMouse I have a friend who said the only downside he had with three small kids was that when you got home late someone had to make that extra trip out to the car to get the last child.

I have a 2½ year old daughter who will likely be an only child because I had her at 39 and now I’m in my 40s and there isn’t a lot of time left for another.So being too focused on one child is going to be the cross my family has to bear. Ehhh..

Anyway, I know exactly what @flip86 is talking about because I am boggled when I watch moms of multiple kids get around. I remember seeing this mom hustle 1 child, 1 toddler and 1 baby at the same time. She was holding the baby and trying to get the toddler out of the indoor play area while the child put on his shoes. As she was getting the toddler, the child took off his shoes and ran into the play area. So she had to corral the child while the toddler put on her shoes. Then the baby started wailing in her arms.

I was watching this and I still can’t figure out how they managed to get out the door. I can’t even begin to imagine how anyone does this on a day to day basis. I’d lose one or two of them along the way.

I have two active daughters, and I stay sane because I make great use of chocolate, rum, coffee, xanax, and occasional babysitting.

Through the newborn and toddler phase with baby number two, it really helped that my kids are 6 years apart. My oldest could do more things for herself when I gave birth to her sister. It was wonderful to be able to tell her, “Mommy’s feeding the baby right now, but if you’d like a sandwich or some cereal, you know where everything is.” Then I’d spend one-on-one time with her while the baby was sleeping. That age gap really made all the difference for me.

It’s interesting that people are saying having children far apart is easier. I always thought if I had kids I wanted them fairly close together and get the infant toddler years over with. I hear people say they don’t know how people with twins do it, and I think it would be just fine. A friend of mine with twins said she loved having them both at once.

Although, I admit to never being very focused on having a baby I am more interested in having children. However, I realize that if I had babies, I might be surprised with my obsession with my own.

It may have been the post-partum baby blues talking, but I kind of wanted to throw my kid out the window a few times. Having a toddler/preschooler is WAY better than having an infant.

Each child is different. My first was the best behaved child you can imagine. He never cried, never did anything he wasn’t supposed to, and followed all our instructions.

My second child was a monster.

However, I had my two boys so far apart that each one was an only child. The oldest was 16 when I had the second one.

I helped raise my three grandsons who are one and two years apart, and they were a pleasure. None of the three was particularly naughty, and only one at a time would misbehave at any given time.

I had my three children in the space of 4 years. On purpose. People thought I was nuts. The first two are just 15 months apart, while the middle and third are just over 2 years apart. This means I had one or more children in diapers constantly for 5 years. Having three children under four years of age was hard, but mostly only when I had to go places with them. One only has so many hands, you know? For me, the infant/toddler years were fairly easy, mentally. I really struggled as they got older, due to the chaotic environment that 3 young naturally bring with them. My brand of anxiety doesn’t do well with that, and as an only child myself, sibling rivalry/bickering was completely alien to me, too.

Anyway, they are now almost 19, soonish 18, and 15 years old, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Alcohol.

I don’t have any kids and I have a hard time understanding how people stay sane having any at all.

My husband has a 4-year-old nephew who will occasionally spend the weekend with us with my mother-in-law. He’s the sweetest thing and well-behaved, but I’m more than ready for him to leave come Sunday.

When my youngest was born, my step daughter was 8, and my daughter was 1½.
My sanity was never in doubt until the oldest became a teenager.

The sad thing, @filmfann, after you get them through college, they have good jobs, good relationships and are managing independently and own their own; you are old and senility starts setting in. What was a I saying?

That’s the argument to have them young. My girlfriend was 45 when the last one finished high school.

It was a joke, @JLeslie.

@bkcunningham my sister is only 38 and her oldest is a sophomore in college. Her youngest is 3 weeks tomorrow. Plus she has two teenage boys and a two year-old. She gets to be with it to enjoy the first three as brown ups and senile for the younger two. The best of both worlds!

I know.

Sorry, @JLeslie.

Her oldest is a sophomore in college, so they are around 20–21? And her youngest is 3 weeks?! WIth two teenaged boys and a two year old! I’m worn out thinking about that scenario. God bless her.

My parents raised 8 of us. I’m sixth out of eight and the oldest is 10 years older than me. It is amazing to think about.

No sorry needed. :).

My MIL is one of ten and she says now she understands why her mother was so strict and regimented. With ten what choice do you have? The chaos would be unbelievable otherwise.

We had twins and we often noticed that most of our friends with ‘only’ one child were just as busy, if not more, with their one then we were with our two boys.

I think your first child will take all your attention anyway and the second one makes you focus more on what is important and more efficient.

All the people I know that were driving around with their baby in their car, just because ‘she likes the car and it helps her sleep’, were doing that with their first child only. (No insult or wrong intended, towards those that did the same with all their, multiple children.)

But… What’s wrong with having only one child?

I didn’t. But all of you who know me know that. I have had 3 children and now can add in 11 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. If you don’t see that as a roadmap to insanity, lend me your brain. I need to give it a test drive.

And @ETpro wins the question.