What is wrong with me and how can I be a better person?

Nothing is wrong with you.
At 20 years of age you do not have the experiences that motivate people to ambition.
Usually poverty ,crises,injustice,or passion for the arts(painting,writing etc), motivates one to
seek ambition that has a purpose suited for each one of us.
At age 35 you could feel very different than at age 20 in regards to your goals.
Just need to get experiences in lifes ups and downs to define your goals better.

I am 54 and have lived this way for my whole life. Ambition is over rated, nature and beauty and simple living is wonderful…but, ya gotta pay the rent, mortgage and be able to feed yourself. Do not rely on a man to make the money, most relationships will not last forever and you could find yourself in a bad place 10, 20 years down the road. You may want to look into alternative communities, communal living, etc. There is nothing wrong with you, I am a free spirited type too, but…bills need to be paid and life, no matter how simpl,e, comes with a price tag.

I am starting over after losing my 5 acre property of 7 years from the dump this economy has taken, I am adaptable, resourceful and resilient, however….not a fun time after being self sufficient in a beautiful and peaceful place. You don;t have to be ” ambitious, climb any ladders, but you do have to be able to support yourself.

Get out of your head and get out of the house and rely on yourself. All the dreamy business is great until the guy you are living in the woods with takes off with the baby sitter and leaves you with the 4 kids and dogs and cats and no income.

@Coloma
That was your ambition.
To live with nature in a simple free life.
So in that perspective you have succeded.
( now write a book about it).

How do you pay your rent?

It’s okay not to have ambition for the typical definition of “success”. Your vision of success may not match other people’s, and that’s just fine. That said, you’re going to need money to finance your dreams, so you’ll need to work at something. Just think of it as a means to an end. Some people work for x amount of time to earn x amount of money, and then go traveling or back to school or whatever, living off that money til they need to go to work again.

I do wonder, though, if you might be depressed. Depression saps a whole lot of will out of a person. If you think that might be the issue, please see your doctor about it.

Sounds like you are depressed.

@Judi Odd jobs, some modeling gigs, catering work, I worked at a retail store in the mall, then worked as an assistant for a business, I also worked at a fast food place when I was 17, then worked at a Visa/Passport place for a few years. I don’t have trouble finding work or paying rent, it’s just that I really don’t care to. I feel no real ambition to get a good job or graduate school, I’m smart, but I don’t care to. I want to, I should.

@tinyfaery I’m not depressed. I love life and have many good friends and family. I really love life, but I don’t care about living it like everyone else is, and that makes me feel like a weirdo. I mean, I should get my act together to live a normal life. The only thing that makes me sad is I have no goals like wanting to graduate school or working my ass off for a company or business who can care less of me. But I’m not depressed.

@Inspired_2write That’s really interesting. I do love drawing, painting, and writing. I’ve experienced life but maybe need to experience more.

If you’re not depressed, don’t worry about the fact that your life’s goals aren’t the norm. So long as you’re happy with what you’re doing, don’t fret! Fuck normal. :p

I guess I feel like I should care more about certain things, but don’t. Maybe I dream too much and I’m an “idealistic dreamer” but I don’t want to be anymore, I want to be normal. And feel like I’m contributing to society. If I could be on a deserted island by myself with just books and blank canvases, I would be fine. But that’s not normal. I’m not on an island where I can just be a bohemian artist, I live in a city and need to get back to the… “real world”...Anyone know what I’m talking about? Is it wrong I feel this way ?

You are who you are. I’m quite ambitious and fairly driven. I don’t think that’s so great either. As long as you aren’t bludging off other people and expecting others to pay your way, why should you have to go to college or have a high powered career. Are you happy with what you do? If you are, and you can pay your bills and look after your responsibilities, don’t let other people’s expectations make you feel bad. If on the other hand you do feel you could be doing more with your life, consider what those other things are that ‘you’ feel would enhance your life.

My friends have graduated college, boasting about their jobs and making money, I just feel strange for not caring. Not sure what this is called. I’d rather live a dreamy bohemian life, but realistically life is tough and the real world is a dog-eat-dog world. I feel guilty for not caring. I feel like I should care and SHOULD make something of myself.

@Bellatrix That’s really good advice, thank you so much. I needed to hear those words.

Can I ask how old you are? I ask because my son is 20, my middle daughter is 25. They have jobs, they’re doing okay but they aren’t driven to go to college or pursue a high powered career. I’m a university professor… part of me wishes they would. They’re happy, productive, responsible people so I ask myself, who am I to dictate how they live their lives?

I think we all make a difference in the world, in small or large ways. If you can brighten someone’s day, you are making your little corner of the world a better place…just by being you.

If you want to have a bigger impact, consider volunteering in addition to working whatever job you have. That might jive with your outlook better than making lots of money in a job you don’t care about.

@Bellatrix I am 23, so I am right in the middle of your children! It’s weird because I do love reading a lot and I really love learning. I’ve bought about 10 books in the last month and want to devour them all, reading brings me happiness. But what bothers me is that I don’t have the drive to get a college education. You seem like a very nice parent. You’re right, happiness is what matters (well, the ability to be sufficient and happy!).

@augustlan Yeah I guess that is what I’m more interested in, is in intimate emotional experiences, deep experiences that change our lives. I don’t care about material things too much or the outer. I’ve never volunteered and that could be a good option for me.

Don’t go to college to suit other people’s needs. It will just cost a lot of money and you may very well not succeed. When you find your passion. The thing that excites you and you want to learn more about or you want to work in that field and you have the drive to complete a degree, then go. In the meantime, keep exploring, reading and trying to find out what it is that makes you feel excited and that you want to keep doing.

And thank you. I’m just a normal mum. I get stuff wrong all the time.

@Bellatrix Thanks so much for your words.

You may need to march to the sound of a different drummer. If life in cities does not seem to offer you thinggs that interest you. Consider spending some time in a small town in an area that appeals to you. Are there certain issues or problems that people deal with in live that interest you? You may discover what will motivate you by getting involved in something that you consider important. At 23 you need not have all the answers. Start with a few questions that intrugue you and find a way to get involved with other people with similar interests. See where that will take you. I wish you joy in your process of exploration and discovery.

Welcome to Fluther.

If you find yourself asking “What is wrong with me?” (such as you did in your title question), then you’re asking a destructive question. That’s because for even the best people, that’s a long, long list. It’ll put you into a spin, and at the end of all your listing all you’ll have… is a long list of your faults, problems, gaps between you and “the ideal you”. Not much value in that list except to your enemies.

So don’t make that list for your enemies.

Instead, start listing your strengths and positive attributes in the same way that you mentioned some of your hopes and ambitions. At the same time, ask yourself “empowering” questions, that is, questions that lead toward solutions and positive actions. For example: “How can I spread love?”

Answering a question such as that can also lead to a never-ending list, but it’s a never-ending list of potential actions that you or anyone else could take to further your ambition. Do you see the difference that asking the right question can cause?

The best questions are the ones that start like “How can I…” or “What can I do to…” because those are questions that put you in the driver’s seat regarding a following action, especially if the next word is an action verb of some kind. (“What can I do to be loved?” for example, is not a very empowering question, because it puts you at the effect of others. Don’t do that; don’t ask that question. Put yourself at cause, not effect.)

So you are working odd jobs to pay your rent, yes? Though, that’s a crazy long list of jobs at your age. I’m 23 and have had 4 jobs. Not sure how you could’ve worked somewhere for a “few years” along with those other jobs unless you started working at age 9. So, if you’re able to pay the bills while doing what you’re doing, what’s the problem?

They’re probably menial jobs with low pay and you’re probably living paycheck-to-paycheck, but a lot of people live that way and do nothing to change it. Not everyone goes to college or goes off to make tons of money. Those people may not be ambitious, but they survive. Walk into any fast food restaurant and you’ll find a few.

I’ve always been very driven, so I can’t really understand why some others have no motivation to do something with their lives, but that doesn’t mean everyone should go to college just to get a good job, buy a nice home, and drive a nice car. We all have our own journey. You have plenty of time to discover yours.

This is all provided that you’re not leaching off of others (like parents) to survive and just sitting on the couch all day doing nothing. If you are doing that, my advice is to get off your ass and take responsibility for your damn life. :)

A lot of great answers already, but I want to say that it’s not so weird. Not only am I not motivated toward the same concept of “success” that many others are, my personal expectations and goals are pretty low key, too.. I think that is significant. I don’t get joy from material things, so my drive to obtain them is not especially high.

If you want to drive a fancy sports car and live in a big house, you have to find the ambition and commitment to do what it takes to get you those things.

If you’re like me, and you’re content with a roof over your head and food on your table without a lot of frills… then you don’t necessarily need to set your sights on the same goals as the person pining after a designer handbag.

My idea of personal success is to be happy and secure. I wouldn’t be surprised if ambitious people don’t feel the same way, but what makes us feel happy and secure are just different things. Nothing wrong with that.

Don’t succumb to society’s definitions of success. You know what you want in life – to life a peaceful, loving life in nature. I’d say that’s a fine goal to have in life. A career is a Western invention. Yes, you do need to pay the bills, but I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to do that. Have you ever considered self-sufficiency?
There are many options in this world I am told and you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. Do what is right for you and don’t let society put pressure on you to become something you are not.

There’s a lot to be said for being easily contented. Consider yourself lucky that you can be satisfied with the basics.

Here’s the thing, though: It isn’t just about satisfying yourself. The world needs you.

People who are difficult to satisfy spend so much time and energy attending to their advancement and acquisitions that there’s little time or energy left for giving back to the world. But someone like you who doesn’t need much is in a position to then turn their energies toward making this a better place for all of us.

You can begin by opening your attention up to the many, many forms of suffering around you. If you want to “wake up”, as you say, the most meaningful way is to get beyond the bubble of your own self-interest and take an interest in the well-being of the people, environment and society around you.

As you wake up to the needs around you, let your natural compassion move you to action. I believe you’re a compassionate person; I think that’s the impulse behind your desire to “spread love around”. So rather than retreating into a little bubble where you’re living the dream, insulated from the world’s cares, ask yourself how you can use your smarts, talents and heart to ease the collective burden. Those future kids of yours will live in a better world for it, and with any luck they’ll be inspired by your example.

@rooeytoo Haha…Don’t sit on the fence, say what you think!!!!

@Equestrian18
Also search Maslows Hierarchy of needs for insight.
He describes the following:
The most fundamental and basic four layers of the pyramid contain what Maslow called “deficiency needs” or “d-needs”: esteem, friendship and love, security, and physical needs.
If these “deficiency needs” are not met – with the exception of the most fundamental (physiological) need – there may not be a physical indication, but the individual will feel anxious and tense.
Maslow’s theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs.

Also study personality theory. I am an ENTP female, a rare bird, with only about 1% of the population of females having my personality type. 3–4% of the population total.
I am a big fan of personality theory and ENTP’s are inventive, creative, non-conformist types. Understanding self is tantamount to finding your niches and letting go of fucked up societal programming.,

@Coloma – I love learning about personality theory too. I’m an INFJ, which is rare too. The sensitive, perceiving one, which is what Carl Jung was. It’s so interesting. I agree with letting go of fucked up societal programming, I’m reading a book about that and “conditioning”. So interesting. I can message you some stuff I found really interesting.

@livelaughlove21 – Hey, no I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of work. Especially since I worked at one of the places for 7 months and worked 2 jobs at the same time :)

@tups – Thank you. I am self-sufficient now, have been since 17. It would be nice to experience a bohemian life and possibly live off the land for a bit. Just to experience it and see how I deal with it. No cars, no bullshit, no fashions, no keeping up with the joneses. Just real living (in my view anyway).

@rooeytoo – I DO rely on myself and am completely self sufficient, thanks for asking.

@Equestrian18 – sorry I didn’t mean to be abrasive, you just sounded like a dreamer who was probably living in your parent’s basement.

Good for you for being self reliant. I am just too cynical to buy into your dream of living in the woods with the man of your dreams and a bunch of kids. I like electricity, hot water on demand, flush toilets, and the internet, so that part of your dream doesn’t intrigue me. And I project, I have never been and never will allow myself to be financially dependent on anyone, that is too scary to me so that is why I advised against that.

But that is just me so good luck with whatever life style you choose.

@Equestrian18 Yeah, I know what you mean. It is a hard thing to do in today’s society, but not impossible.