How personal does it get?

What is an “itchy pile”?

We’re coming up on our 22nd anniversary. Although I floss every night—I’m not lying; I really do—I’ve never done so in front of Paul. I always close the bathroom door, and I don’t let Paul see me use the toilet. I do all “icky” things—e.g. clipping my toenails—privately. I’ll tell Paul when I’m sick, but I don’t share the gruesome details.

Do I believe that there’s such a thing as too much intimacy? Absolutely. I want my husband to think of me as a lady, not as some guy from his college dormitory.

I close the door when I poop… that’s about it. Everything else is open door policy. I believe that true intimacy is being 100% real. If he said that he’s bothered or annoyed by any of my bodily functions or descriptions thereof, I would respect that and do them privately. As it is, we’re both pretty uninhibited.

Bodies do stuff, they react and behave like bodies will. No need to bend over and ask a partner to apply Preparation H to your issue but….pretending that bodily functions don;t exist, as in pretending that “ladies” don’t have bodily functions that are gender neutral…um, no.

We are fairly open door but I am much less open. Basically I ignore his hilarious body noises ha!

I asked a question similar to this awhile back and it seemed as if I was the only one that didn’t use the bathroom and do other private things in front of my husband.

I just don’t see why I would need to fart and shit and scratch my ass in front of him. He doesn’t do these things in front of me either. It’s not as if we go out of our way to hide these things or pretend they don’t exist, but it’s no harder to close the door of the bathroom when your husband is in the house vs. a guest, so why not close the damn thing? I don’t need to hear or smell anyone taking a shit, even my husband, and I’m not sure how that would improve our intimacy or make us more “real.” We know that we both have these bodily functions, it’s no secret, but we have no desire to lift our leg and let one rip as we cuddle in bed at night.

We’re friends with a couple that is super open about all of this and he thinks farting is hilarious and will not only do it near her, but on her. And that’s fine for them, but we just don’t see the need for all that; nor do we find gas particularly amusing.

Now, I tell him about my ongoing gynecological issues and I have no qualms about discussing my period or anything like that, but you won’t catch me changing my tampon as he brushes his teeth two feet away.

The same former SO who periodically used my toothbrush also liked to pee with the bathroom door open. Yuck!

I’m with @livelaughlove21.

I have no secrets from my SO nor he from me. We love each other despite our flaws.

Because of my husband’s disability I help with his most personal needs – even bathroom related. Out of necessity our bathroom and bedroom are attached with no door separating the two. I figure that if I am into every bit of his personal business I have nothing to hide from him. We do pretty much everything you mention. We let it all hang out and I am totally comfortable with it – piles and all and it has no impact on our sex life.

@chyna piles are hemorrhoids.

On our second date, I vomited all of my dinner. It hadn’t even been completely digested. I had just come back from a trip and the food at the airport seriously upset my stomach. My significant other drove me home after that and I proceeded to text him updates about my illness, including details of how orange juice came out of both my mouth and my nose when I reached the toilet.

So, we don’t really hide bodily functions from each other. That’s the precedent I set, I guess. We do have some bathroom privacy, but for the most part are very open about our bodies. You need someone to talk to about these things. Who better than the person you love?

She’s more private than I am, in that respect we’re stereotypical per gender.

If he’s sick or I’m sick the other person knows about it. If one of us has some illness, they should know about it. The other person might be infectious.

We don’t go out of our way to use the bathroom in front of each other, we just don’t go seriously out of our way to avoid it either. I wouldn’t invite him in, but if he walked in, I wouldn’t be mortified. We wash/shower etc. at the start of the day and before bed in the same bathroom so that means brushing, flossing etc. in the same room. These things have had no effect on our intimacy. Yes, I fancy him like mad and vice versa regardless.

Early on in our time together my wife farted while we were 69ing. And I was fine with it. There is nothing modest or sacred after that.

We are the opposite of @dabbler. I wish she were more private in her bodily functions and hygiene. I have said as much and she tries; for a while.

She still has to leave the room when she passes gas.

But, we can pee in front of each other and do.

If you can’t fart near your mate then the relationship is weak. Give it a shot.

When you’ve heard & felt her pussy fart, life truly is an open book.

@woodcutter What an ignorant statement.

@livelaughlove21 Really? How so?

@livelaughlove21 I think what @woodcutter is trying to say is that a relationship that is negatively impacted by one partner breaking wind in front of the other partner might not have the strongest foundation. I think it would be disconcerting to spend time worrying that my husband might not like me as much if he saw me urinate. Not ignorant, kind of a good point.

I think the only thing I wouldn’t do is poo in front of him, or with the door open. Any personal illnesses I would share, or show.

With my partner, she is just shy like that and she laughs when she leaves the room. I don’t have a problem passes gas in front of her. haha

Now a few of hers have been known to slip out in the past.

Our relationship is great, btw.

There is only one thing (that I can think of right now) I won’t do in front of him and that’s have a poo! I don’t know why this is an issue for me seeing as I have inserted/taken out tampons in front of him on occasion but having a poo is where I draw the line. I also try not to fart in front of him as farting embarrasses me even if I am alone!!! I’m not always successful with that one though! Fanny farting isn’t a problem for me though.

I don’t think there is a problem with our relationship, we are a very intimate couple.

@woodcutter I think some of us weren’t raised that way, and some of us were, just personal preference. I can tell you right now that last weekend’s road trip with two guys, and a hotel room, was so bad I had to go downstairs at the hotel to get away for a bit. I can survive my husband’s little peccadillo’s and dutch ovens, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing the same to him, must be a guy thing. :)

This has been tough for me. I have a disease that has affected my life in big ways and will (sort of) continue to do so forever. Someone who I want to be an integral part of my world needs to know about it. But it’s gross. It’s digestive. It’s not sexy.

I handled it by telling him very early that I had health problems and slowly feeding him the details as it became necessary/felt right. Fortunately my guy is not easily grossed out and he seems to be very good at compartmentalizing that side of me and the sexy side. It feels great to be loved despite my issues.

I do avoid being unnecessarily gross around him, more for my sake than his. I need some dignity, dude!

@Mariah That sucks. I have some residual twitching from a car accident when I’m really tired, so I know how unsexy you feel. Seems like you’re handling it well!

@woodcutter @SuperMouse Making a blanket statement about the strength of a relationship based on something so trivial is ignorant. Who said they worried their spouse might like them less if they farted in front of them? Perhaps some of us see no need to put all of our bodily functions out there. If a relationship in which the couple doesn’t shit and fart in front of each other is weak, then presumably farting in front of each other would strengthen their relationship. Those farts sure are a powerful relationship tool. Really? Ha…ridiculous.

@livelaughlove21 defensive much? Instead of calling me ignorant (which I did not call you), how about clarifying your position? Maybe take a minute to explain why you are uncomfortable exposing one another to bodily functions. Also, no one said that breaking those barriers strengthened a relationship, I simply wonder what might make one think it would undermine a relationship.

@SuperMouse Defensive about farting – now, that’d be a new one. No, I’m not defensive, I’m simply being honest. And I didn’t call you defensive (or say you called me that), I called the statement made by @woodcutter ignorant. I think my position has been sufficiently clarified and I’d also like to point out that I never said being open about bodily functions would undermine a relationship. As I clearly stated, “making a blanket statement about the strength of a relationship based on something so trivial is ignorant.” In other words, saying it would strengthen or weaken a relationship is just plain crazy. It’s a personal preference, and saying someone’s relationship is weak because they prefer not to leave the door open while they take a huge shit just doesn’t make any sense. Maybe you could clarify that position for me, as I clearly don’t get it.

@SuperMouse For me, it does detract a little bit from the sexual attraction, just being honest. I tell him I’m not one of his little boyfriends so he needs to be respectful…lol, doesn’t always work though, he thinks it’s hilarious to embarass me.

@livelaughlove21 I think that feeling like one has to hide part of oneself from one’s SO might be indicative of something lacking in a relationship. Now I am I not saying your relationship is lacking anything, all I was trying to do was clarify the point @woodcutter seemed to be making.

I was not speaking of being defensive about passing gas, but the defensive tone of your posts.

In short, if you want to keep it all to yourself more power to you.

@KNOWITALL I guess since I don’t have the luxury of deciding one way or other, I have to keep all of those things separate from my sexual attraction to him.

@SuperMouse What’s all of this about “hiding” bodily functions? Choosing not to fart in front of a person is hardly the same as pretending these things don’t exist. I don’t fart in front of my best friend either, so I suppose that relationship is also lacking. It’s a bit odd to me that you aren’t seeing how silly a statement like that really sounds.

@livelaughlove21 as I said, I was not saying your relationship is lacking, with your husband or your best friend. I was simply responding to your request for clarification. FYI, refusing to perform certain bodily functions in front of someone can indeed be considered hiding those bodily functions from that person. I am surprised you are not seeing how silly your unrelenting defensiveness is.

Oh good grief…I’m out.

There is a difference between secrecy and privacy.
Secrecy is hiding something, like pretending you never fart. This is potentially harmful to relationships as it’s disingenuous, living a lie.
Privacy is respectful alone time, keeping it to yourself. This can benefit relationships by allowing each their own space to think and grow.

There’s a time and a place sometimes if there is a planned fart event. But two people who are in it for life to me seems prudish if there is a big da- do if one poots. As long as they aren’t being ostentatious about it ,it could be ignored. Farts happen when they happen. I want the person I plan on being with my entire time here to feel unabashedly comfortable in themselves without all the dumb etiquette rules. I wouldn’t rip one in a job interview. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd50LHthDfw

I have found how this question turned out really interesting. I think it’s important to accept we are human and do fart etc., on occasion. I asked this as I have been battling with a UTI for over a month and unfortunately due to chronic pain etc., my SO was very much ‘in’ on what was occurring. I sometimes feel maybe I exposed too much in this way. Sometimes of course we deal with a disabled partner and peeing and poop is part of the package. Or when we get elderly those things too become part of the package. I really do wonder though how this effects intimacy. I would also hate that I would have to hide all human bodily functions, or the fact that I am human. I would not poo in front of my partner. I don’t mind urinating in front of him. I try to pass gas outside (I run outside do to it). I just feel I lose some of my mystery and attractiveness. So I am still unclear as to whether it draws us closer or further apart. I feel in a way my illness this month and subsequent hives drew us closer. Hope I am right though!

Edit: I’m sure if he didn’t love me due to my UTI and all the yukky parts he wouldn’t be worth it. But I am not sure how sexy he finds me after it (and the hives!).

Or perhaps rather than losing mystery etc. you become human. I agree there’s a difference between having no respect for your partner’s privacy and being repressed about our bodily functions. Whether being open without being overt with our bodily functions impacts on the closeness of the relationship depends on the couple I would say. You aren’t well. You can’t help that. So if your partner was offended by what’s going on right now for you, that would seem churlish. It may bring you closer because it gives him an opportunity to show how much he cares and for him to be patient and considerate.

Remember, love is blind and that is quite true. Think back to when you gave birth to your son – that’s anything but romantic but couples continue to love each other and find each other alluring. I hope these health issues are resolved soon for you. This should be a lovely time for you and it’s unfortunate you’re battling poor health.

Churlish…I like that one