Breaking all the rules makes him healthier, Why?

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!
-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Why is he in hospice, @YARNLADY ?

Maybe it’s just a mental thing. Like, he’s back in his element with being able to eat all his comfort foods. Also, knowing he’s in the end stages may alleviate all the worry and care he’s faced for however long prior to this. In any case, I’m glad he’s able to face his end in a happy state of mind. {hugs}

@bkcunningham He has emphysema in the final stages. His lung is just about used up, so he is on oxygen most of the time.

That is tough, @YARNLADY. It is good to hear he is having some happiness and enjoying himself. It sounds like he is mentally sharp. I wondered if his illness had restricted the types and amounts of food and now being able to eat what he wants is pure pleasure. I suppose he is simple enjoying the rest of his life to the fullest he is able to enjoy it and he is content. I hope you are doing okay.

I would say, in counter to the wording of your topic question, it’s not that eating / acting this way is making him healthier, but it probably is helping him to enjoy what he can enjoy and look forward to mealtime, at least. At this stage of his life, that’s a lot, I would think.

At least he has the pleasure of eating his favorite comfort foods. Probably it won’t have much negative affect on his difficulty breathing assuming he doesn’t gain a ton of weight from what he is eating. When one is sick it is such a loss of control, and dying has to be the ultimate loss of control. Getting to pick something, anything, even what he wants to eat, gives him some control back I would think.

So sorry @YARNLADY . Maybe the fact that he is at a state of acceptance AND he doesn’t have to struggle with dietary restrictions, just puts him in a position of peace. Being at peace CAN make you feel physically better and more relaxed.
He is probably getting some pretty good meds too.
My mom kept saying, “How cool is that?” Every time she got a card or she just saw something to appreciate. She divorced every one of those last moments and so did we.
Edit: just read that it’s emphysema. That is so tough. I am glad that they have better meds now than when my dad was dying of emphysema. It is still a miserable disease.

There is a huge philosophical difference in attitude between hospice caregivers and most of the rest of interventional medicine which is aimed at fighting disease with every option possible (including dietary restriction if necessary).

In order for a patient to qualify for hospice care there must be a definite medical diagnosis attesting to the patient not surviving longer than a year (and usually shorter). Therefore the emphasis shifts from cure to palliative care (making the patient as comfortable as possible in whatever time they have left) and as good a death as possible.

When I was a live-in caregiver for an elderly couple, the gentleman was eventually diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and they gave him about 10 months or so. When hospice became involved they gave us literature and talked to all of us about what their philosophy was and what things took precedence. They made certain that everyone knew that the end was inevitable, there would be no false hope, no last minute heroic medical interventions, no miracles etc.

This is so different from what most people are used to so they made it crystal clear that the total emphasis was on making him as comfortable and happy as possible.

And it makes perfect sense when you think about it logically. There’s not a single thing that your brother could eat or refrain from eating that would make any significant difference one way or another to his lungs. It’s not as if an abstemious diet will regrow lung tissue or something. So, he may as well eat whatever he enjoys.

And obviously that puts him in a much better mood and it seems like he has faced up to the fact of his imminent death and realizes that there is no more that can be done. He may find it less sanguine as time goes on but for now he seems to be at peace about it.

Maybe it just makes him feel better…not necessarily healthier at all.

@Judi, did you mean to say something other than “divorced”?—maybe “devoured”?

Yes. And it’s to late to edit. Actually I think I was saying savored. (Damned auto correct. )

I’ve been living my own palliative self-care for the past ten years or so. I’m not getting any ‘better’, but I’m mostly pain-free. Not that I have any specific diagnosis that would cause anyone any upset; I just figure that trying to live pain-free isn’t a bad goal, as long as it’s not the only one.

I worked in hospice for about 5 yeas. Sounds like he is comfortable and accepting. Being in hospice is way more comfortable usually than a hospital in that comfort is the goal, not trying to keep you alive with interventions. People get to eat what they want and simple things like that give them comfort.

Dying can be a scary time for most. When it’s inevitable with illness or age, hospice allows people to be comfortable as possible as the end draws near.

I know a man who was dying who had diabetes. He was sick of hospital diets. In hospice, he only ate cake and cookies. That’s what he wanted! This what he got! He died peacefully.

I’m sorry your brother is dying but I’m glad to hear he’s not emotionally suffering and uncomfortable.

Thanks, I didn’t think of it being a matter of attitude. I thought somehow the food was making him better.

He is satisfied with his life, and the hospice is very nice to him. They work with a nursing home, where he lives.

When my dad at 87 was diagnosed with cancer, he decided to live until he died. The doctors tried to talk him into chemo and surgery with no guarantees of course, except that he would spend a lot of his remaining time hugging the toilet being ill from the chemo and would be physically incapacitated by the surgery for a fairly long period, when in reality he didn’t have much time left no matter what he did. So he went on with his life, went boating, ate crabs, and everything he wanted, drove his car, walked his dog. He was really only feeling poorly about a month and housebound about 2 weeks and bedfast a couple of days when he said “Help me” and we did.

So good on your brother for enjoying his last days. I would start smoking and drinking again immediately if I got the word my time was getting close! And get the nembutal ready for when I was ready to say goodbye!

With the relatives I’ve had in hospice (and a recent friend’s mom who was in hospice after battling COPD for a long time) they each “rallied” a bit at one point. I remember a day, in each case (and so did my friend whose mom just passed away from COPD) where I thought: “They seem too “well” to be in hospice..” They were up, talking, social, eating well and enjoying the beautiful surroundings—remarking on the deer coming up to the window, etc.
In all cases..this was a fleeting “good” time. Enjoy this brief time where he feels well. Stay with him, chat with him..he may not want to sleep/rest and may be extra chatty. Now’s the time…because it will turn suddenly and then he will only sleep and will likely be heavily medicated with stuff that makes him groggy / not all there. This is your chance for talking.

I don’t know why this happens..but I’ve seen it more than a few times. There is a brief uptick where they eat well & seem to be doing better before the inevitable dark days that it takes to do the work of passing from this life.

Doesn’t eating delicious fattening food with no guilt make everyone feel better?

…no? Just me? Well, me and your brother. :)

Why analyze it? Let him be happy.