My older sister told me not to date anyone unless I can bring something to the relationship . What does she mean?

Maybe she meant that you should wait to enter a relationship until you are in a place where what you are bringing is yourself rather than your need to be in a relationship. In other words, not looking for someone to complete you or fill a hole in your life, but someone with whom to share the fullness that’s already in your life. I’m still learning this one myself, man.

Relationships are two way interactions. You can bring either negatives or positives or both to a relationship. In this case your sister was probably saying wait until you can bring positives for your prospective partner. The ability to take care of yourself, being confident, having a job or being self-sufficient, having the capacity to care for your partner, being able to give and receive love and so many other things.

She is aware of the challenges you’ve been facing I’m sure. She probably just wants you to wait until you feel well in yourself and strong about who you are and your future.

You can bring caring for the other person, kindness, friendship, love.

a casserole or perhaps dessert.

She’s talking about being ready to give as well as to take.

She should have talked to my ex wife.

I learned quickly but too late, that some people simply join a relationship because they want a pack horse upon which to load their baggage, whatever that baggage might be.

One partner becomes the beast of burden, and the other becomes the rider. Always has a bad outcome.

A great relationship is the one where each partner simultaneously respects, admires, and appreciates the other to the extent that they would be willing to be a beast of burden, but comfortable in the certainty that they would never be expected to be a beast of burden.

In a healthy relationship, all parties benefit. That is, you should be a better person for being in the relationship and the other person should be a better person for being in the relationship.

In what way could someone be a better person for being in a relationship with you?

I agree with your sister that this should be obvious to you before you attempt a relationship.

Some examples of behaviors or virtues that may benefit others:
– patience
– clean the house
– wash dishes
– do laundry
– responsible with money
– acceptance of someone’s background/life experiences
– communicate clearly
– follow through with promises

You should also have a list of requirements that the other person should meet to be your partner, as they should have for you. These requirements may include things like:
– clean (showers/bathes daily)
– doesn’t smoke or drink
– attends regular medical and dental check-ups
– in a certain age range
– here are some other examples.