Can we as individuals dictate the nature of relationship in regard to creating our own rules, and to what extent?

Yes, people can do that, and it can continue for many years. And it’s rational if it meets the needs of the people involved.

The wild cards are what the duration of the relationships is to be considered successful. 6 months? 5 years? 20 years? Because people change as they age, which alters the dynamic among the people in the relationship. It’s why 19th century utopian societies had problems, it’s why communes of the 70s had problems, it’s why polyamourous relationships have problems. People change, emotions change, babies arrive and disrupt things.

And rules one agrees to and support may not be agreed to over time.

The only relationships that we as individuals have any right to affect are the ones that we participate in. And that is with the consent of the other people in the relationship.

I’m not sure that “rationality” even plays a role here. What is the role of rationality in something that is so indefinable? Relationships relay on intangibles and subjective feelings, not on objectivity and rationality.

In other words, if the partners agree, have at it, but trying to put a patina of rational thought over something so amorphous is sort of a strange approach.

The question is can you find a partner who is in agreement.

I think that you have to find someone who shares your vision for the relationship. Healthy relationships are a combination of the couples vision, not dictated by one party in the relationship.

I’ve seen a few and it can work, but alas it rarely does in the long term, we’re all still subject to human emotions and failings.

@zenvelo Good point. But how does that differ from traditional relationships. Marriages and commitments. Hopefully both parties change throughout time. It is as mych as a gamble that they change together.

@elbanditorso I have never thought about it that way before. I see rationality as a tool in my toolbox, how could you not use such a staple tool in something that is a big part of your life.

If you use that line of thinking I doubt you can you draw the line at significant relationships, thus leaving everything to chaos and volatile temporary emotions.

@marinelife I don’t have a utopian relationship puzzled out in which I want to shove someone into. But it is a valid point.

@Judi To be honest I want my cake and eat it too. I don’t know if it will work but is it wrong to try? The situation exists already but right now every thing is up in the air. I am not considering a polygmist thing either.

@knowitall did the the people who tried it regret the experience?

Yes, within the limitations we have with communication. A standard comparison I like to use is our perception of the difference between hot and cold. It is different for every person, and very difficult to explain.

@rosehips Yes, usually women.