What shall I do about my recent change of heart?

Just from reading what you wrote, I feel that you already know the answer. You have to follow your heart. If you do not, you will never forgive yourself for the potential lost. If you do, and it doesn’t go well, it isn’t the end of the world. You’ll get over it an move on, knowing that at least you tried.

Good luck/

BREATHE!!!!
He really likes you too. He just doesn’t want to move to fast.
Let it be what it is and enjoy the moment. Don’t try to force progress. You have already charmed the socks off of him, now let him court you.
Ahh to be young again. :-)

When my husband, who I have known for about 30 years, came back into my life after a break of about 10 years, I knew we were meant to be together. It was like two lego pieces clicking together. So, don’t dismiss the feeling. Sometimes it’s right.

However… and everything before the however isn’t bullshit in this case… you do need to hold all that exuberance in a little (lot!). It sounds like this young man is a bit gun shy. You don’t want to scare him off by coming on too strong. So, as @Judi said, BREATH. Let yourself enjoy the moment but I wouldn’t start talking to him about ‘forever and ever’ yet.

Don’t be too disheartened by his wanting to cool things down either. My now husband, when we got together told me he wasn’t really interested in having children in his life. I had three. I politely (well maybe not so politely actually) told him where the door was in that case and he’s still here 13 years later. So this man is protecting his heart, as you must.

Enjoy the feeling, have fun but let him do the running for a while. If he’s taking control, while you let him know you’re liking what he’s doing, he might not feel so skittish.

Go with it. It will all fall into place.

Don’t get too far ahead of yourself….one step at a time and it will all fall into place….and I agree to what everyone else says….take it slow…keep the mentality “Friends first” and the rest will follow suit…..good luck! :)

You had a transplant then? Forgive me, I didn’t read the details because they made my brain hurt.

Don’t reserve the caterer yet. But, just as other people have said, you need to communicate with him and between the two of you figure out how to move this forward. The two of you have a chance at something special here, so see what you and he can do to see each other soon, like this weekend or the weekend after.

And each weekend, end with how you’ll see each other again the next time and look forward to it.

If you two can figure out how to see each other and be close, you’ll have worked through a major issue together, and you’ll be surprised how strong that can make a relationship.

Good luck to you and keep us posted!

I dislike throwing cold water on your intense romantic feelings (been there, done that), but do you really know this man well enough yet to be considering marriage or even to know whether you’re truly in love with him? Also, I worry about the baggage he carries about his earlier relationship—isn’t that something you want to explore?

He really likes you but is being sensible and honest. Marriage is something way down the line, someone can be in your life forever before they do ask. Don’t panic, understand he is afraid from experiences before you. Just enjoy it and take it day by day, like most of us do.

Sounds like you are in communication, just take it one step at a time. Wanting him in your life forever after knowing him less than 2 weeks is not realistic. You don’t know him really. You know his fantastic first impression and that’s it. But, it doesn’t mean he isn’t “the one” it just means you can’t know for sure yet. Meanwhile, I am a firm believer that there is more than “one” for each person. That whole soul mate thing sets people up to be unrealistic.

Give it a few weeks, see how it goes. If he starts pushing you away because of his past, I think you will get frustrated and he won’t be so amazingly fantastic and you won’t be so hung up on him. He might be surprised by his own feelings and connection with you and adjust his thoughts on being able to commit to someone.

Don’t worry about his past, just focus on how it is going between the two of you and take him seriously if he continues to say he doesn’t want to get serious relationship or doesn’t feel aboe to be all in. My impression is we don’t know for sure where he is emotionally, I think maybe he doesn’t even know.

I do believe in love at first sight and have experienced it. However, the timing was wrong and that didn’t work out. My fiancé and I met on a social site, and I instantly felt comfortable and safe with him. Neither of us were looking for a relationship, and we hung out as friends a few times and realized that we were very right for each other. So we made a conscious decision to put in the effort from before our first official date to make sure we do it right.

Based on my experiences, I believe you should follow your heart, BUT don’t leave your mind out of it. You’ve both had bad experiences, so there will be some nerves and fear to overcome. Life has guided you to someone who may be the perfect partner for you – you don’t want to blow it with some old baggage that might still be weighing you down.

It took me a while to realize that it does take two to make a relationship go sour. Even though my exes hurt me, in retrospect I saw that I had allowed them to hurt me. I spent some time looking into my role in those co-dependent relationships and working out the issues within myself that led me to be needy, insecure, and controlling.

Therefore, it is a good thing that there is some distance between you. Use the distance to get to really know each other from the inside out. True intimacy is emotional intimacy: being able to be yourself – unfiltered and uninhibited – in the presence of your beloved. Only by being completely honest with yourselves and forthcoming with each other will you be able to overcome the trust obstacles from your past experiences.

Someone can only love the real you if you let them witness the real you. Don’t put up false pretenses, because that is misleading and unfair to you both. Being sincere and accountable for your actions is essential to happiness – regardless of relationship status.

I overcame the fear of relationship failure by contemplating that at some point, we all say good-bye. Whether it’s after five months and finding that we’re not compatible; or after five years and finding out that the love wasn’t truly unconditional; or after five decades when death comes between us. All of those goodbyes hurt deeply, but I’ve survived them before, and to me the value of loving someone is worth knowing that one day we will say good-bye.

As for marriage, my view is this: commitment can exist outside of marriage, and marriage can exist without commitment – they are mutually exclusive. Whether or not you sign a legally-binding contract to one-another is a decision you can make based on what suits your relationship.

I’m very happy for you, and hopeful that this will work out. Love rules!

Take a deep breath. You have not spent enough time with him yet to know that you want to spend your life with him.

First, you two need to be in the same place.

Will you be willing to move? If so, start to look for a job in his area. Then move there and in the meantime keep corresponding with him.

You are experiencing chemical surges in your brain causing a state of euphoria. That is the definition of infatuation.

That said, I hope this turns into love and commitment for you. It’s not there yet. Breathe.

This is enjoyable and fun. Take it one day at a time. Be yourself. Let him be himself. Get to know each other’s character. Learn the good and the bad. Have sex when you’re ready. See how it all goes.

Breathe.

I’m going through an icky separation and divorce and am cynical as hell, but even I found your post sweet and touching. I would say, take it easy and breathe, but start planning more time together. Take it easy with the ‘forever’ talk, too, and just spend some time with him and enjoy the ride.

I love how everyone is telling you to breathe. So simple but it’s hard to remember to exhale when your heart is going pitter patter like this. :-)

You want the guy in your life forever…after 4 hours of time spent with him? Oookay girl…I know you are young but back up the bus! This is lusty infatuation not to be mistaken for real relationship, of which there is none. lol
Let the older chick tell it like it is…anyone that leaps into this level of romantic fantasy and is not able to stay grounded enough to know they are in lala land needs to be very careful.
Let this wild romance pony run away with you and your going to need to be shot as you are too lame to run with the big mares. Can you spell ” WHOA!”

First things first: thank you all so much for not only reading though my humongous post, but also for taking the time to reply. And I apologize for my delayed reply, I’m just not getting home from work.

Next: So I just re-read my post and, I must say, I’m a bit red in the face with embarrassment because of the way I came off. The post makes me sound like an angst-ridden, lovesick teenager haha. I’m usually very laid-back even when it comes to matters of the heart and I seldom get worked up about anything. But last night I was in some sort of a weird mood when I posted this. I swear I’m not a naive and desperate romantic, even though I’m sure that’s how I must’ve come off to some of you based on some of the responses.

(Please feel free to skip to my direct response to your post if you don’t feel like reading through the whole thing…I know it’s a lot.)

@ETpro Great advice. I keep going back and forth on it though because, on the one hand, I want to take a chance and see where it leads me to, but on the other hand I’m really timid when it comes to these things so I don’t know…

@Judi I’m breathing! :) I’m glad you mentioned “enjoying the moment” because I got so caught up with my own emotions that I forgot that this is not a bad thing at all, that this could be a key moment in my life that I need to take the time to enjoy.

@Bellatrix As usual, thank you for your kind words and your wonderful story…it certainly gives me hope! I definitely do not want to scare him off, so much so that I keep our conversations light and haven’t mentioned anything about my feelings for him yet (besides my one text message telling him that I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him). I’m going to play it by ear and if the moment ever feels right, I might say something more. I’m just going to give things some time and see if I still feel the same during these next few days/weeks.

@chyna I always tell people that, in the end, things will always work out the way they should, regardless of the situation and that worrying will never change the outcome…I guess I should start following my own advice, huh? :)

@DPJake Thank you! I’m a firm believer in being friends with someone before getting into a relationship and we have gotten off to a great start as friends, so if things ever get anywhere between us, we’ll have a strong foundation upon which to build.

@zenvelo No worries, I’m not really into weddings anyway. I did feel a strong connection between he and I, in a way that I’ve never felt before, hence my saying that I want him in my life. But I’ve never been the type to dream about my wedding day. Not to say that I’m 100% against getting married and would never do it, just that I’m not ready for it yet. Although I am ready to be in a committed relationship.

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room I completely understand where you’re coming from and I am normally very, very cautious when I meet someone (I have trust issues due to my past relationship experiences) but I don’t know what it is with this guy, I just feel so at ease around him. Also, my friend has known him almost her whole life and she has known me fore many years and what I have been through, and so her saying that he would be a great guy for me has had a lot of weight in my opinion of him (combined with what I myself learned directly from him during the few days we spent together). It might not make total sense, but I promise, I have a good BS radar and I can tell that he is a genuine, kind-hearted, southern gentleman. And just to be clear, I’m really not considering marriage already, I just couldn’t find a better way to express myself in my post. ;)

@LornaLove That’s what I am trying to do and I’m getting better at it with each passing day. :)

@JLeslie See, normally, I would’ve taken your stance (not having known him for long and already wanting to be with him for life), but this is one of those things that I can’t even begin to explain to myself. It’s not really like I’m choosing to feel this way about him, it’s just how it’s happened and, as I’ve learned over the years, it’s not wrong to have certain feelings because sometimes we just can’t help it. I suppose it all comes down to how I deal with them in the end. The day I returned home from my trip I was so certain he was “the one” (gosh, I feel so silly saying that because I’ve never believed in “the one” lol) but now I’m opening myself up to the possibility that he might also not be “the one.” Only time will tell. I’m glad you also think I shouldn’t worry about his past because, to me, it’s a non-issue. I, too, have had my own issues, I’ve dealt with them, and I’m still a good person, so I’m in no position to look down upon him for having had issues himself.

@hearkat I must say, I love everything about your post!! I’m over my negative past experiences for the most part. Although I still suffer from a fear of relationships, I’ve learned a lot from them, and I’ve learned to let them go and I find myself learning to be more and more open to the positive things love can bring. The distance scares me, but it doesn’t really have to be a bad thing. We both love traveling so, if things end up working out between us, the distance would provide us with some great opportunities for travel. In terms of false pretenses, I have to say that I am 100% against mind games. I never hide who I am and if someone likes me the way I am, great. If not, I would never in a million years pretend to be someone in hopes of winning someone over because, in the end, that would do more harm than good. And, indeed, love does rule. ;)

@marinelife That’s a very good question but, even though I was getting ahead of myself there with how I was feeling when I wrote my OP, I think it’s safe to say that we aren’t at that point yet. I’d certainly consider moving if it came down to it, but we’d have to weigh the pros and cons in order to decide whose moving would cause the least amount of loss to either of us in the long-run, if that makes any sense?

@Cupcake I’m fairly certain this isn’t infatuation, even though the details of my OP may have made it come off as such. I’ve experienced my fair share of infatuation and I can honestly say that this isn’t it. Thank you for the kind wishes. :)

@cazzie Thank you for putting a smile on my face, I’m glad you found this touching and sweet. I’m really sorry about your separation, though…I’ve gone through some heartache in my life, but I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. =/ Sending virtual hugs your way.

@Judi (part 2) Haha I think it’s sweet how everyone is telling me to breathe! I promise, my dear fellow Jellies, I’m OK! I’m breathing. ;)

@Coloma Oy, we spent 3 solid days talking and getting to know each other. Normally I really enjoy your posts, but I must say, I don’t really care for the patronizing tone of this one. Maybe I’m just reading it with the wrong tone of voice…? Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of experience and I’ve spent a good deal of my life being cynical but now I’m trying to see things with a different set of eyes. I understand where you’re coming from, but one person’s experience (or even the same person’s experiences) is no indication of how another’s will be. Sometimes it’s OK to daydream, nothing wrong with that. Rest assured, I’m a grounded person, even though it may not seem so based on my post. I have a good head on my shoulders and my feet are planted firmly on the ground.

I hope I didn’t miss anything. But anyway, thank you once again for taking the time to give me some feedback! I’m feeling a whole lot better today and I’m certainly not as antsy (and sleep-deprived due to my crazy work schedule) as I was last night. I know I’m going to be OK, I just need to allow things to unfold on their own.

Love always,
Jordy :)

Post 10-minute time limit add-on: I forgot to mention, I don’t fall for people easily. It’s been over a year since I’ve felt anything for anyone and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being single this past year, so realizing that I actually like this guy is a sweet and welcome surprise.

***Ugh, meant to say “I’m just now getting home from work.”

@jordym84 Not meant to be patronizing, just my rather sardonic humor with a grain of truth. 3 days is still part of the lusty infatuation phase. Glad you are grounded, just a caution, no offense intended. :-)