Cancer Falling for Aquarius....And Pissed About It!

Okay so I’m 24, Cancer and gay.
He’s 25, Aquarius and claims to be straight.

Here’s the deal.

I met him 4 months ago at a nightclub. I just moved back to my hometown from NYC. A Libra/Aquarius moon totally killed my spirit there, even though he’s only there because of ME, but that’s a whole OTHER topic. Anyway….so yeah, I’m at a nightclub wit a friend of mine and he’s a bartender there. Physically, he is EVERYTHING I like so, of course, he caught my eye. I’m very into bone structure and his is immaculate. Seriously…immaculate. swoon…sigh I asked my friend who he was and she didn’t know him so we both just admired from afar. No biggie. Happens sometimes. Just another pretty face.

Anyway, there’s another bar I frequent all the time (Hip-Hop/hipster blend) and lo and behold he was there! In all his glory. He kept staring at me but never said anything. I didn’t either. I saw him there the next week and the same thing happened. One day I was depressed, and my one girlfriend (also a Cancer sun, Virgo moon) took me out for a beer. I LOOKED depressed. Like a trainwreck (but in that SoHo, shabby-chic type of way) and who walks in?! I was sitting in the back and trying to act like I didn’t notice him. Meanwhile, my friend is asking me if I know the guy by the bar because he keeps staring at me!! He’s usually with people but he was alone that time. It would’ve been the perfect time to talk to him but I didn’t look perfect so it was not happening. He had a look of disappointment on his face. When we left I asked her to see if he was watching us walk out, and she said “Yes, but he’s watching YOU walk out”. XD

So at that point I figured maybe this guy is gay or bi, so it would be safe to holla at him next time I saw him. And I would be ready! So I knew he’d be at the hipster bar Monday and I made myself look perfect. I was bronzed and glowing and even took a rosewater bath. I was FLAWLESS. Combine that with some vodka shots and I knew I had the confidence to approach him. (I’m terribly insecure, in case you haven’t noticed).

So I saw him at the spot and he was sitting alone :)
I gave him a hug and we exchanged some small talk. He’s Puerto-Rican and does martial arts and he said he has a gay brother and asked me if I knew these other two gay dudes. I was confused. Was that his way of telling me he’s gay…or not gay? Was he one of those confused, bicurious guys? (I get them alot, I am VERY feminine.) NOT flamboyant and showy, just naturally feminine and graceful in both appearance and demeanor. I didn’t want to come right out and ask him because he could barely even make eye contact with me. He was beyond nervous and it was making me nervous. So I asked him if he’s be there for awhile and went to the smoking section. I didn’t want to seem clingy or whatever. He had some friends with him when I came back so I left him alone, and I carried along with my crew.

The NEXT time I saw him, me and a girlfriend went up and sang TLC’s “Red Light Special” (it karaoke night) and the whole club praised it. We made everyone feel sexy :) But HE wasn’t even looking!!! So I went to talk to him and he was sitting with two girls. He seemed alot more outgoing and positive so I knew he was probably drunk. I had a houseparty coming up so I used it as an excuse to get his number and he happily gave it to me. The girl he was sitting with gave me a look like “mmmhmmm bitch” LOL. I knew they were just friends though, so I didn’t feel like I was intruding. Although she probably was hating a bit because he’s just so fine I can’t see any heterosexual woman being JUST friends with him and not, at least, entertaining the thought of something more.

So I text him that night to make sure he has my number and get no response back. No biggie. I wait two days and tell him when and where my houseparty is and still no reply. Three days later was the actual houseparty and I needed to know if he was coming so I was a bit more aggressive in wanting to know if he was coming or not, and he replied “Sorry boo, I work tonight and gotta be up early for my second job tomorrow”. I was extremely disappointed but it’s a valid excuse, so I didn’t send him an angry text back or anything.

I saw him again the next Monday and told myself I was just gonna talk to him and find out what this strange connection is. So I’m at the table with the same Cancer/Virgo friend and he shows up…with a date! He was always with a girl but this was the first time I ever saw him with a girl that was a date. He was rubbin on her hips and kissed her at the bar but it was very awkward. My friend was cringing for the girl when she saw the body language. She said it felt like he didn’t know what to do with her and was just trying to be intimate out of obligation. That was a pretty accurate assessment. So my hopes of talking to him that were down the drain. He walked by our table and gave me a hug but didn’t introduce his date, so I waved hi to her. She was already eyeing me because he walked right up to me and gave me a hug so when I waved “hi” I gave her the “you can have him” look and went about my business. MY friend said he kept eyeing our table like he wanted us to ask him to sit with us but I hadn’t noticed. Plus, I wouldn’t want him to. I can’t talk to him the way I want to if he’s on a date! How trashy.

Anyway, I drunk text him that night/morning at 4am and laid everything I was feeling out on the table and that was it. I felt relieved. I also got no reply :(

Anyway, I went out to another spot with two of my girlfriends last Thursday night and he showed up! I had a feeling he would, even though I had never been there. He saw me and makes a bee-line for where I am at the bar. We strike up a slightly awkward conversation but at least it’s going somewhere. I was so embarrassed because I sent him that drunk, emotional text a week ago but he said he was cool with it and that it happens sometimes. He said that people have thought he was gay since he was a child and that he’s used to it. All this while he’s making heavy, nervous, tensely sexual eye contact with me and telling me his address and how we’re neighbors. Some guy interrupted us and was talking his ear off about something. I started talking to my friends again. He kept looking at me every now and then as if he was looking for some sort of verification of something. I was too drunk to deal with it. I just started dancing with my friends and let him go about his business.

I saw him again THIS Monday and he was frantically searching for someone. He was talking to a mutual friend of ours and I looked over my shoulder, flashed my mega-watt smile and waved to him. I could tell he wasn’t in the best mood but when he saw me his face became stone cold and he stopped in his tracks! But didn’t say anything or wave back! I don’t get it.

Please somebody, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!!!

I’m not used to chasing men (obviously) and no matter what he says, I KNOW he is interested in me. I just don’t understand how I can pin him down and get to know him. It’s driving me crazy. I woke up this morning and was thinkin about his ass before I even realized I was awake!! Hell no. I am not THAT person. I need some insight (especially from other Aquarius’) as to what his deal is. I was even drunk at the houseparty he was supposed to show up at and started crying because he wasn’t there!!!

I DON’T CRY!!!
Why does this man mean so much to me? And what is he doing to me? I have NEEVR been so nervous to talk to anyone as I am with him. Something about his just feels…magical.
Pathetic…....

HELP!