Do you think there can be competition between a mother and her daughter?

Hi, welcome to Fluther & here’s my slightly trivial but no less valid example.
My wife & daughter frequently “compete” whenever I ask for a coffee, “no, he asked me…but I make it better than you…”
For the record & please don’t tell the wife, my daughter makes the best coffee…sshh :)

Yes.

Why do you think this is, if more in depth

If they care enough about comparing themselves to themselves then yes. It has to do with personality. I would never compare myself to my mom (I’m a son not a daughter). She can live the life she wants and I’ll live the life I want. In fact, my dream life is far different than hers.
The only competitions we have are useless arguments about who is right. And those are not worth the wasted words.

Yes, there can, but only in an unhealthy relationship.

Oh yes! My mother was very competitive with me and often criticized my looks or weight. I think she saw me solely as a reflection of her.

Mothers and daughters compete for the husband/father’s affection, just as fathers and sons compete for the wife/mother’s affection. And to avoid the creepy, this is not sexual byut craving for attention. It’s not emotionally mature, but not at all unusual, especially with younger parents.

Surprisingly, my last girlfriend and I (we’re in our fifties) went on a family vacation with her mom (in her 70s) and her sister. A few months later, I went to see them all on Christmas Eve. My GF and her sister teased their mom about being excited to see me, claiming she had a little crush on me!

I think it happens. A real problem lately is this “Real Housewives” epidemic where them moms don’t want to grow up and wish they were their daughters age. They take pride in being a MILF.
The opposite is when a mother never lived up to her dreams and tries to force her dreams on her daughter.
Both are unhealthy.

Absolutely and, it is not healthy. Many emotionally unwell people are prone to these issues.
Mothers that feel jealous and competitive with their daughters accomplishments, looks, etc. are very immature and insecure women. My daughter and I bond over common interests and intellect, our creative passions of writing and painting. There is no jealousy, only admiration and sharing.

I have known several women like this in my life, one was lucky enough to have 2 sons who fawned on her, I always thought she would have made a horrible mother to a daughter. She was very attractive but extremely insecure and I have no doubt she would have been the type of mom to sleep with her daughters boyfriends. She was chasing a 26 year old guy when she was 50 and the dude was only a couple years older than her oldest son.

I found the whole thing to be pathetic quite frankly.The other woman had 3 sons and a daughter and was extremely jealous her daughter graduated with an engineering degree and landed a well paying job full of exotic travel and a fat salary in her early 20’s. It was barely contained and pathetic as well. Sad.

Absolutely, yes. At least from what I’ve observed, the problem’s usually the mother’s “fault,” and she’s often completely unaware of the hurt she’s causing.

Interestingly, I had to go through that, all over again, after I’d met my future mother-in-law. Every time I walked into a room, she’d criticize my hair, clothing, jewelry…anything was fair game, and her comments were very harsh. An example:

Paul and I were about to drive to Boston for a very casual, summer day. I’d dressed in navy-blue shorts (loose style; they looked more like a skirt) with a matching top and sunhat.

Her: Is THAT what you’re wearing? I think NOT.
Me: [Silence]
Her: Do you want to borrow my coral necklace, so you won’t look so bad?
Me: No, I don’t want to borrow your coral necklace, or anything else of yours.
Her: You can’t leave here looking like that.
Me: We’re leaving. Goodbye.

Oh, yes!

@SadieMartinPaul

OMG! I would have not been able to not tell that women just where she could go and give her a boot to help her on the journey. lol

@Coloma Thanks for understanding.

MIL was, and still is, morbidly obese. I was, and still am, tall and slender. I think I just made MIL feel awkward and self-conscious.

A couple of weeks before our wedding, Paul’s parents hosted a pre-marriage religious event followed by a buffet lunch. Because the day was important to Paul, I’d gone shopping and carefully selected new clothes for the occasion. I’d bought a really nice skirt-suit in Paul’s favorite colors. I fussed over the right shoes, pocketbook, and jewelry. The outfit was great, and Paul was delighted with how I looked.

When MIL saw me, she immediately said, “Don’t you have anything white to wear around your neck? You need a white scarf or a white necklace. Blah, blah, blah…white.” At that point, I’d had enough. I told her that I’d made great efforts and put lots of thought into my outfit, and that I refused to let her ruin it for me. I told her to keep her ugly comments to herself and not say another word. She shut her trap but, of course, I was the evil one who’d been nasty and out of line.

Well, envy would arise only if a mother lacked that central identification as mother of this daughter, and saw her daughter more as a peer.
Usually parents are happy to see their children grow up and be successfull in whatever makes them happy.
In some parents this can quickly turn to envy, until the parent realizes from where she or he has come from difficult circumstances , and learns to appreciate that strength .
Also they should be glad that their children are supplied with more opportunities than they had , not have envy.
Each generation has there own difficulties to surmount, and work with what we could at that time.

It is not always the mom with the problem. I attended a cousin’s wedding once and observed a teenage girl being very affectionate to her boyfriend in the row in front of me. Arm around him, caressing his neck, snuggling, etc. Later I was introduced to Mike and his daughter (the “couple” in front of me). Wife was by his side, clearly a third wheel.

Watch Mildred Pierce for another example of a competitive relationship that I would challenge anyone to deal with successfully.

>Watch Mildred Pierce for another example of a competitive relationship that I would challenge anyone to deal with successfully.

Well, Veda was a monster, and Mildred shaped her entire life around trying to please her and be loved in return. Very sad stuff.

“Mildred Pierce” is so effective in showing how a child’s loss can destroy an entire family. Veda had been going through a snooty pre-teen stage (just like many girls her age), but she was reasonable and clearly loved her younger sister. When Moire died, Veda spun out of control. Also, if not for that tragedy, Mildred’s husband would have left The Biederhoff and returned to his family, and Monty never would have entered the picture.