What's the best way to manage this schedule?

This is a tough one. All your responsibilities are important and of course you want to meet everyone’s needs as best you can. Reality is, you probably can’t. So you’re going to have to determine some priorities.

It would seem your job has to come first or you won’t have any income.
Does your boyfriend live near your work? I know you said he lives an hour away from you? Is your work in the middle?

If your relationship is serious and you see it as a long term thing, can you move in with him? I know you live with your Aunt and Grandmother but you didn’t say they are totally reliant on you? Can none of your other relatives help out more? I understand you said they’re spread about a bit but surely you can all get together and create a roster so it isn’t all falling on you?

And do you love your job? Is it what you want to do? If not, yes, start looking for something else, but if it is what you want to do, you need to find a way to make this work. Can you do a job share thing with another member of staff? Not the other manager, but is there a responsible junior member of staff who can step up and manage one day a week? Even if you have to take a slight drop in pay to fund that? The time might be more valuable.

I think you need to pick something out of all your obligations and one will have to give or change. I would look for another job personally. I always tell people the biggest downside of working as a manager for a small retailer is if a manager gets sick or quits, the other manager winds up working 12 hour days or 6 or 7 days to cover. You actually are in a situation where the normal expectation is 6 days a week. I find that horrific. The extra money would not be enough for me, because I think the workload would shorten my life. I have worked horrendous hours in the past, exhausted, even crying sometimes from stress and my body feeling like I had been run over by a truck. I look back and regret allowing myself to be abused.

Of course you want a day to do nothing. It’s too much. You don’t have a moment. I’m not sure if it is a time management question or a wimen have a hard time saying no question.

Would moving in with your boyfriend help? I see @Bellatrix wrote that as one of her suggestions, but also I wonder if then you will have even less time to have me time. Maybe if he came to your place once a month for the weekend?

@Bellatrix They sort of form a triangle, so that work is 45 minutes away from the other two.

The only other relatives on this side of the family are several states away. Relatives from the other (dad’s) side are in this area, but my parent’s divorce was part of a huge rift between the two sides, where now they pretty much all hate each other. Dad & co are not willing to be involved. They think I’m crazy for helping these ladies, and should let them fend for themselves.

My aunt has found a few halfway solutions, like getting a private car service to some of the doctor’s appointments, or having a maid service come over and do their laundry (about once a month). They can’t afford much outside help. What I need is probably to find a government or charity program that handles stuff like this.

I definitely want to be in the wine industry. It would have been nice to stay at this job, and I would have happily stayed here several years if not for the schedule. I will probably look for another job in the same field.

There are two other staff members, and I’ve considered both of them. One is doing this as an after school job and works fifteen hours a week. The other… kind of does his work if you push and motivate him each step of the way. But left to his own devices, he wanders the aisles or texts on his cell phone if nobody is watching him. He’s a great guy, but a mediocre employee.

@JLeslie His place is tiny and we’d be pretty much in each other’s faces all the time. Which, quality time! But he gets restless easily, and always has to be Doing Cool Things. If I try to read a book at his place, he paces around waiting for me to be finished, so we can do something “fun.” I like fun social stuff, but I also like quiet solitary stuff, and want time for both.

@Haleth I would guess if you only worked 5 days, had a day to yourself to relax at home, then on the 7th day you would be more inclined to want to go out and be doing something. My question would be that even if you had a normal schedule are you two mismatched for leisure time? A lot of women who don’t work complain their husbands never want to do anything, never want to go out anywhere. They are out, out at work, and want to relax and enjoy their house during their free time. The women are home all day, and want to get out of the house. It isn’t really that they necessarily are very mismatched it is just circumstance. But, if he is a downtown always wants to be out, and you are a suburbs like to be home and read or watch TV, I don’t see how that can work long term. I don’t know what your goal is with a realtionship. Just date, get married, I have no idea so I won’t assume.

No matter what something has got to give. You can’t go on like this.

I can see why it’s so difficult for you. I suppose finding your own place somewhere central to your boyfriend and work and perhaps your relatives is out of the question.

Is it worth talking to your boss again? Explaining your quandary? It may be he/she is prepared to help you find some form of solution rather than have you leave? I hate when employers expect their employees to solve their staff coverage problems. If you only wanted to work the normal weekly hours, you should be able to do that. Sorry we haven’t been much help!

@JLeslie I think it would be workable if I had a normal schedule. When my schedule is in balance, I do like to go out and do things, just in slightly smaller doses than most people. That example about stay-at-home wives kind of makes sense. BF works 40 hours a week, which leaves him with comparatively more free time. Maybe it’s enough for him to get bored waiting for me.

There’s no goal right now; we’ve been together about a year, and it’s fun and pleasant. If we’re incompatible in the long run, I’ll move on, but I’d like to stay together if it’s solvable.

@Bellatrix I’ll try talking to my boss tomorrow. You guys have actually been a lot of help, and given some great thoughts. I appreciate it a lot.

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. No one can be expected to keep that up for very long! Something’s gotta’ give, for sure. Is there any way you could afford to hire more outside help for your relatives? If not, I’d definitely look into government/charity programs. Looking for another job in the same field is a good idea, too. As for the boyfriend situation, maybe the two of you can agree that he should just go ahead and go out without you, giving you a little alone/down time. He could drive your car, and come back and pick you up a little later.

Look up Social Security Disability. They shoulde info on and resources in your area you could utilize. Also the FRA.

There should be food programs and vans and library services etc that should help. I know there are some other programs but these are the ones some of the residents utilize at elder care facility I work in.

Also is your bf staying in his place aside from wrk and depending on you to ferry him around whenever you are there. He has more free time. So thus he has his downtime when you aren’t together and he isn’t working.

Is he willing to spend time with you while you take care of your relatives? Maybe even help out so that you can be done sooner.

It may seem a lot to ask of him but if he fully understands the situation and that nothing is really budging at this point. That you are doing a lot of the compromising it would seem reasonable for him to take part in this aspect of your life.

When is he likely or his projected date for getting wheels?

Also how long are you planning on caring for your relatives? Just as long as you live there? As a form of payment? If this is the case you should not have to contribute or contribute only small amounts to financial pool which should enable you to save.

If it is longer or an obligation you need to research other options. Call upon your mothers side of the family for help government assistance etc.

Also you can utilize the drive time to listen to audio books obtained from local library. Relaxation and stress music.

How about going to free lectures at a community college with bf seems chill but out and money saving doing cool things and adventures sounds potentially expensive. There are plenty of compromises aside from bars and expensive events that you can do that provide mid ground from chilling in apt and being uber social.

On work well finding a new job would take time. Though not impossible it sounds as if you want the job. And you have covered all the options. The only other possibility that occurs is to find a comparative job with 5 days a week and bring it up to the owner as a possibility you are seriously considering. Sure you went to him but you had no trump card. Seems like finding a worthy replacement might not as easy. Maybe you can at the very least negotiate for a 5 day week every other week. What happens when you take a vacation or get sick?