If you were forced at gunpoint to massage one non-domestic animal (of your choosing) for 20 minutes, which animal would you choose?
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Seth (
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)
June 16th, 2013
Please, take the time to thoughtfully answer this question of mine. You can choose any animal in the entire known animal kingdom save two: Kittens and Otters. Defend your reasoning and prove that your animal of choice would be the best to perform a massage on.
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30 Answers
Assuming it wouldn’t run away, a zebra. I am experienced in the handling of horses and they respond well to massage, I would imagine that zebra would react the same way. And you can put the gun away, it won’t be necessary.
Orangutan. I just love them. They’re so beautiful and we’re stealing their habitat to get palm oil. They’re 98% human. Plus they like massages.
An elephant, because I’ve always wanted to. And they look like they could use some lotion anyways.
An elephant. They are my favourite wild animal. I love elephants! And why on earth would it be at gun point? I’d pay to do it.
A Walrus. They look so grumpy and their skin seems dry. A little moisturizer, little chill music, and a good rubdown — and our tusky friend will be good as new.
And, no guns. No need.
@downtide Zebras have such beautiful coats. Excellent choice.
Following that train of gorgeous coats and somewhat familair body composition I will pick a giraffe. They have short fur that I imagine would be slightly course and bristly tickling the hands and I would love to see and feel it up close. Besides those long necks probably hold some tension in them. And an opportunity to see that giant tongue would be something I wouldn’t turn down.
I’d have to say a baby sloth, baby because it is less area to work. They are such lazy slow moving animals it would appear to an onlooker that I was brilliant at massage as he languished there!
Seal, just because they are cute and aquatic.
A rabbit. They’re all cute and cuddly. :D
Elephant.
I want two elephants. You can’t have one, they get lonely.
Despite the probability of death, I’d choose a wild cat. Lion, tiger, puma, etc… I’ve always been desperate to get close and touch large cats, so massaging one would be amazing!
Would it be to my benefit that I’m a licensed masseuse anyway, or would I still get my face ripped off? I dunno, but let me at ‘em!
@downtide Zebras are mean to unfamiliar creatures. They bite even when they’re not threatened or provoked, and they bite to hurt. That’s why zebras haven’t been domesticated; they’re just too wild and don’t have the right temperament to live among humans.
@Symbeline: I just now finished brushing my bunny and giving him a sponge bath. No massage, but he does enjoy getting his feet rubbed.
A sloth . Look at those guys :)
I’m not domesticated if anyone wants to massage me :D
A male tiger because I connect with the feline species to the point where I’ve been able to figure out some ways to communicate with cats in their own lingo. If I am wrong, at least I got to touch a tiger and maybe I’ll be lucky enough for it to let me out of this hellhole most people call life.
Baby seal. I know they were killed for their soft fur and it was extremely expensive, so I would like to be able to feel their fur while they are still alive and in their skins. Just hope mama isn’t around while I’m giving the 20 minute rub down, or that it doesn’t panic so much that it gets scared to death. Just want to touch the pretty baby.
@Bellatrix If I massage you, do I get to lick your eyeball?
Ummm… that’s asking a bit. :D One cat to another though – maybeeeeeee.
How far away is the gun pointer?
A mole. I’ve heard that they have incredibly soft fur. I don’t know about their teeth. They eat plants and do a lot of digging, so I’d have to watch out for their claws. I’ve never known of one being tamed. I could try.
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