How can we expect to have well-rounded men when family and society sabotage them as boys?
There are numerous factors sabotaging boys from the time they can speak. Boys are made to believe they are suppose to “man up” and not cry or get sad over stuff. If it is not coming from parents, it is coming from the media. If a man and his son was in a boat and big wave crashed the vessel nearly swamping it, if the father was afraid, he would never admit it to his son, he would ask the boy “that was a huge wave, you were not scared at all, were you?”, instead of allowing the boy to be scared. If his dog gets hit by a car or has to be put to sleep because of a run in with a bear camping, the boy would not be allowed to wail and mourn the dog, at least not more than 2 hours. There are many more ways in which boys can’t be boys because people tell them to be boys people believe they should be. If they can’t be the boys nature would have them but forcefully molded into the boy society and family believes he should be, how can he possibly grow into a well-rounded man?
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15 Answers
Very good question… : )))
Simple to address the problem. By letting boys cry. By letting them mourn by letting them feel and express what they feel.
That we all have to grow up and learn to cry in private to do and then to feel comes later for girls and women. And they usually end up more well rounded as you say.
Great question indeed. I have no immediate answers, but I’m glad to see you’ve started the conversation.
The only problem that boys face these days is the notion that they are defective females. That is why a whole generation of boys got medicated before they went to school. Once everybody gets over that nonsense, boys will have no problem.
I think society is changing, along with the work force and men’s roles are becoming blurred. Different than the Clever’s
Anything that will help keep the family unit intact can’t hurt. Say whatever you want but two parents are better than one. Two good parents. There’s your village. Short of that, good luck.
It’s a good question. I believe it has to be the parents that want to change, if the parents are ignorant that will only teach a child ignorance also.
That and never ever any visits from the “weight fairy”, OK?
:p
@josie That is why a whole generation of boys got medicated before they went to school.
The reason behind that was early education favors girls. Boys are active, dynamic, sometimes on the cusp of chaos. They need to move, be loud, ask questions, collaborate; be boys. Schools want boys to sit quietly, not roughhouse, be still…..that is contrary to the natural instinct of boys if left to their own devices. To get them to capitulate and act as school want them to act, send the kid to the shrink who will say he has ADD or ADHD, and get him on the meds.
@tomathon You read “Feminization of Mankind” and give us all a 3 to 4 sentence breakdown on what it says. If ever a link fell into the category of TL DR this would be it. I tried to read it and my brain started to melt. Then again it may be just me. You gotta cut to the chase basically, if you expect to keep me interested. Ymmv
Perhaps you didn’t notice, but I didn’t send that link to you. I sent that link to hypcentral, who is interested in the topic. Unless hypcentral is just asking questions to see himself rant, it was assumed he is genuinely interested and therefore would be willing to read books about the topic.
If you want a summary to keep you interested, then read the books Prologue and Epilogue. If the pro/epi doesn’t spark interest, then the book isn’t for you. Simple as that.
@tomathon But If you read it could you share it here for the sake of the topic? That’s was what i was hoping for. I’m personally not up to reading something starting off as dry and lengthy as that did.
Certainly it depends on the boy, and his parents/guardians, but I think boys growing up today are subjected to a lot less of the ‘man up’ business than depicted in the OP.
A lot more of their fathers grew up with more accepting backgrounds themselves and are more likely to cultivate less brutal, more caring relationships with their sons.
On top of that it’s stupid to not understand fear and pain, and that all of us experience those and that we need to deal with them, not suppress them.
The cliché of men ignoring those feelings in the face of threat or pressure misses the point, In those situations men (and women) have to master their feelings in order to do the right thing and not hide in the corner.
That said, I agree with the point @josie is raising.
There are definitely some fallacies afoot in the whole feminization trend.
There is the meme that some would want men to express their feelings more. Bullshit. Men have different kinds of feeling than women &/or experience them differently.
Sure, men can be more sensitive and aware, and it is useful to acknowledge and express those aspects (paint your girls’ fingernails per a recent question), but men are clearly expected to NOT express our normal feelings in the areas of anger and lust. That sort of thing gets other people hurt and (should) get the men arrested.
@dabbler Certainly it depends on the boy, and his parents/guardians, but I think boys growing up today are subjected to a lot less of the ‘man up’ business than depicted in the OP.
But many boys do not have “parents”, they usually only have a parent; the mother. The dad is out “spreading his seed” making other brothers or sisters, not raising the seed he did plant.
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