Should a mother go to her son's blowout 21st birthday in Vegas?

It depends on what he wants from this party; it is up to him to put up the Stop sign.

Some young people enjoy having their parents at celebratory events.

Not your business.

Not if he doesn’t want her there. If he does want her there it s kind of creepy.

I happened to be there when my oldest son turned 21, but we were each on our own.

I didn’t go with my youngest son or either of my grandsons who celebrated their birthdays in Reno.

Well, when he posted on my Facebook page he made it my business. And, he said that she invited herself.

It doesn’t sound like he wants her there. She says she’s going for safety purposes. He’s 21. He can handle his own life.

Safety purposes? Wow. Yeah she should not go.

Safety purposes? Um no.

If he invited her that would be different.

@tinyfaery: You might suggest to him then that as his first act as an adult, he needs to tell his mother, nicely, “No.” The joys of being a grown-up and the ensuing responsibilities.

I guess if she wants to see her son being grinded by strippers and stuff, and he doesn’t care. Sounds pretty awkward to me.

Maybe she can just stay at a hotel to be close and order room service and play slots- lol.

Just curious, is his mom paying for it?

I think it’s weird to most but if they have some type of relationship like that and he’s cool with it I don’t see how it’s a problem. My ex was a mama’s boy and they had a weird relationship where they could go clubbing or to the bar O.o

His big birthday bowout, his choice whether to invite her. If he doesn’t want here there, I think she shouldn’t go.

I wouldn’t have thought of insisting my daughter invite me to her 21st party with her friends. It never even crossed my mind. We had our own blowout a week later, a 2 hour hot air balloon ride, launched at sunrise in the hills and were ripped on champagne by 8 a.m. lol
Mama and the offspring had a great time! :-D

Creepy and weird. He needs to tell her not to come.

We took each of my husband’s sons out for their ‘first’ (wink-wink-nod-nod, I’m certain) drinks on their 21st birthdays. At a nearby bar. Then we left so they could enjoy the rest of their night without us. But to invite yourself to a big old Vegas party? No way. “For safety”? Double no way.

Absolutely agree.

I agree that it’s the son’s choice and that she oughtn’t to have invited herself.

But just allowing myself some mom-type thoughts here for a minute, I’m focusing on those words “for safety purposes.” Her words, right?

Those words suggest that there is something to fear, at least in her mind.

I’d have to ask if there’s any reason to think that he’s (a) dangerously overdoing his drinking, (b) using drugs, and/or (c) in the habit of doing reckless things while intoxicated—things from which she might have rescued him before. Maybe even things from which he expected her to rescue him before (overdose? arrest? inability to drive safely?).

She might be worried sick about what he’ll do if he goes to this blowout event on his own—and she might be perfectly willing to be called all the things people will call her and sneered at and shunned and all the rest, in order to be there and do whatever she can to protect her boy.

I’m not advocating this approach at all, you understand. I’m just saying there could be a mother’s side to the story as well, and she might have reason for her attitude.

If this is the case, she needs help as much as he does. The help he needs isn’t hers, and the help she needs is in taking care of herself and not trying to manage someone else’s life. Hard lesson when you’re scared to death.

I think it is gross unless he specifically invited her.

Maybe he is going with friends she really doesn’t trust when he is sober, much less trust when he is drunk and far from home. You know the friend. The one that is secretly jealous of you or your life and is always egging you on to do stupid things and then he disappears when trouble is knocking at the door. And manages to convince their friend that they had no idea it would get out of hand like that and would’ve stuck around and made sure they were ok but something came up. Usually has a smarmy smile and a black little cold heart but only a mom can see it.

No way!
Not unless she want to know more than she needs to about her son and his asshole friends.
Remember, these are the same people who would have led him over that cliff.

I would never impose myself on my son and his friends.

If she feels she needs to go “for safety reasons” then she has failed as a parent (assuming he doesn’t have any special needs) to teach him responsibility and decision making; and/or she has issues of being too controlling and/or needing to be needed. Are there any other circumstances that might lead her to worry about his safety? Are there past experiences that would give her justification to worry?

I knew from my own adolescence, that my son would be doing whatever he wants, regardless of what I say from at least the age of 14, so I made a point to teach him how to be sensible before then; and any time his cohorts made mistakes, I used them as examples to explain what not to do. I discussed things on the news and what to do in various circumstances. He just turned 22, and since he got out of high school, he can come and go as he pleases and I sleep soundly through it.

If she is paying for it, as JLeslie inquired, she has the ‘right’ to invite herself; but the idea paying for it when you don’t trust the young man to be capable of handling himself is twisted – so if that’s the case, I recommend therapy for the whole family.

@Coloma

We had our own blowout a week later, a 2 hour hot air balloon ride….

Nothing says blowout like an explosively deflating balloon! ;-o

He is a great kid. Really. She was a horror at that age. Maybe she is assuming he will do the same stupid shit she did.

I did tell him to talk to her and let her know how he feels.

And no, his friends are treating him. Mom will not be paying for anything.

@tinyfaery Hopefully he takes your advice and she backs off. I know a lot of parents like that; parents who were out of control in their day and think every young person is the same.

No! No! No!

He’s 21 & still a child, her child. Believe me, I have an over protective mom, so I see both sides. I think she has every right to celebrate his 21st bday with him. My whole family & a handful of friends took me out to a lesbo bar (I am one, so I say it with love) for my 21st. As far as becoming a man goes, that usually takes a lifetime, if it even happens at all.

Well if his mom does end up going I can guarantee it will be a day he’ll never forget. (His friend will make sure of that much.)

Nothing worse than parents trying too hard to be peers with their kids. Gah!
It’s one thing to be a “cool” parent, within reason, but entirely another to act like you’re 21 at 50. Too many parents are hung up on being “cool” to the point of stupidity and inappropriate behaviors.

@Brian1946 Haha…well..had the balloon gone belly up we were “high” enough on Champagne to not care. We did land in a Homeland security zone by accident, near a dam.
So much for security….all the workers just thought it was really cool. How could they know we didn’t have a basket full of explosive champagne. lol

No.

Usually, his mother should not disturb young people’s exciting party. But if his son agrees with it, it may be not so bad.

I think he should confront the issue on his own. Talk to his mom, or let her go. Ranting on facebook does nothing.

I’m a mother and I can totally see her point.

@YARNLADY Even though he is 21? At that age, I had already been living in my own apartment for 4 years.

As a guy at 21 if you need your mommy there for safety issues there are some HUGE underlining issues going on…