How do you handle a family member that borrowed money but has failed to pay you back?

I was always taught never to lend money to family or friends unless I could afford to lose it. At this point there probably isn’t much you can do. You might try speaking to her and asking if it would be easier for her to pay you back if you set up a payment plan. Don’t hold your breath though. Write the money off as a gift to your sister.

This is kind of petty and mean, but it would get your point across. What do you do for birthdays and Christmas? If you normally give presents give her a $25 credit against what she owes you on each occasion. Just be ready for a reaction from other family.

@Adirondackwannabe it sounds incredibly pragmatic to me!

I should have known better, my sister screwed my parents out of money. My sister is the ultimate manipulator. She begged and pleaded and promised that she would pay me back. She told me you know I would do it for you. We are not really on speaking terms right now over Wedding drama. (Another question I posted on here.)

Well…;lesson learned. If you already knew your sister is manipulative and irresponsible then you really can’t claim to be surprised. When people SHOW you who they really are, believe it!
Maybe she will improve as she matures, maybe not, all you can do is cut your losses and not make the same mistake twice.

Horses head on pillow works very well.

I agree with @Coloma, learn from it and never do it again. Family and friends may receive cash gifts from me when they need it, but never loans.

You have learned a key lesson. Never lend to family members. Tell your sister that you need the money and arrange a payment plan: $50 a month.

Write it off. Consider it your tuition fee in a course on what not to do in the future. When I’m asked for a loan, and can afford it, I give it with full knowledge that it is now officially gone. If I ever see it again, it will come as a pleasant surprise – like a windfall. That way I’m never disappointed, and sometimes pleasantly surprised.

I think people tend to ask for loans from people that they judge don’t need the money, and won’t miss it when it’s not repaid. Else they’d go to a bank, right?

@Coloma I’m slowly learning that. Thank you.

Never lend mine to family unless you’re prepared to never see it again.

@ umce Lol

@marinelife I have tried to set up a payment plan, but that hasn’t worked.

@GoldieAV16 I think you are right about her not thinking I need it. I am also going through a divorce and she claims that she will repay me when I really need it. It just really bugs me that people can borrow money from you then dictate when they will pay it back. Thank you for your response.

@SuperMouse Thank you for your response. Definitely a lesson learned.

@Adirondackwannabe Thanks for your answer. Her kids are all grown and feel entitled to gift.

@KNOWITALL Thanks for your response. I know better now, but I am a sucker for a bleeding heart.

Give, or don’t give. Never lend. Unless you’re a banker with strict policies to ensure return with interest.

But don’t be surprised one day, years from now, when you need it most, to get a check in the mail from those consumed with past guilt. You’ve paid it forward. It will come back to you one way or another. Consider it a deposit in the high gain bank account of the universe.

@Judi Thank you for your response. I tend to take people at their word.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I love that response. Thank you.

Forget about it. It sounds like you and your sister don’t have the best relationship in the first place, and it’s not worth $800 to destroy it completely. So you’ll have 0 relationship and 0 money paid back.

@melmel020 Yeah, I’m getting older, I learned the hard way.

@ucme Dammit, u took my answer. LOL. I’m gonna go with black eyes and broken knee caps. :)

@Only138 Ha, reminds me of Gene Hackman interrogating some arsehole in The French Connection where he told him his kneecaps were going to resemble oatmeal…liking his style.

Years and years ago a very wise writer said it best very succinctly and to the point:
.
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for a loan oft loses both itself and friend. ”
.
William Shakespeare

You really need to decide which is more important to you, the money or your relationship with your sister.
If you value whatever is left of your relationship with her, just assume the money is gone and go on with life. Don’t bring it up again. She knows she owes you this money. No sense in constantly bringing it up. Let her stew in her own guilt (if she has any)

The other alternative is to issue an ultimatum that you will not be on speaking terms with her until she pays you back. And then stick to it.

It’s your decision. There really isn’t much middle ground here. Decide what your priorities are. You describe her as manipulative. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. You teach people how to treat you. If you don’t think you have the stomach for resisting her manipulation a in the future, then cut her off. That’s not an easy thing to do.

That’s why only you can decide what your priorities are and if this relationship is worth the angst.

My sister stiffed both my parents and me, and even resorted to stealing money from me when she stayed in my apartment for awhile. She later told me it was important for her to stand on her own two feet, so from then on, whenever she asked me for money, I just said I wouldn’t want to spoil you.

I also loaned $5,000 to my sister-in-law and it was never paid back either. I simply decided in my mind it was a gift, and just left it at that. My husband said he made arrangements with her to pay us back out of her inheritance, when their parents pass away, since the parents had a lot of money, but now my Mother-In-Law is staying in an upscale assisted living apartment and is in fairly good health, so there is likely to be very little inheritance left.

I just take it as normal. See all the warnings in the answers above. I know all that when I loaned the money, and I feel I just proved the sayings are true.

I was a poor, rent-scraping working gal and my sister was a poor, rent-scraping student. We were both immature at the time and didn’t think ahead very far. It would be years before she had any extra, and I didn’t want her to know how hard it was for me to squeeze out a loan.

I quietly expected repayment for about five years and then finally wrote it off. The relationship mattered more to me than the money.

One day, long afterward, I received a handsome check from her, out of the blue. She was doing well and I was having a tough time. She called it a gift. To this day I don’t think she remembers the loan.

Amazing the things people forget.

When I loan someone money – I do so with the expectation I won’t ever see it again. That way, I’m never disappointed.

All you can do is ask her again and point out she seems to have disposable income and you need the $800 back asap. Don’t hold your breath…