Do you consider saying, "I want" rude when ordering food at a restaurant?

I think I’d feel awkward saying, “Please may I have…” to a server in a restaurant while ordering food. I don’t see why “I want…” is rude.

I usually say, “I’ll have the…” while ordering and, “Could I have…” when requesting something like cutlery or ketchup. I also thank them quite often. Still, “Please may I have…” seems like a bit much.

Unless he’s being overtly rude, let him order however he wants to.

The whole concept of “an order” is basically a command.

I don’t see any problem with your friend’s phrasing. I like it better than “Give me…”, and even that isn’t particularly “rude”, since we’re talking about “an order”, after all.

I’m sure the waiter won’t care as long as the direction is clear and something that can be accommodated by the kitchen… and if the tip is sufficient.

Personally, I tend to order with a “please” at the end of the request, but that’s just my own habit. I don’t particularly notice how others place their orders.

As with most things, it’s not what you say but rather how you say it.

I say something like, “I’d like the chicken” or “I’ll have the special”. “I want” doesn’t seem rude, exactly, but it seems kind of out of place.

I also find that “I want…” sounds a little rude, though I’m not sure I could say why. I’ll often say “could I get…” if it’s a fast food restaurant (maybe that’s rude, too?), but more commonly I’ll say “I’d like the…” or “I’ll have the…”

It depends on the tone used, if he says it in a way that is demeaning to the wait person, then no, it isn’t appropriate. If he politely says “I want a cup of coffee and a slice of that lovely cake there. Thanks” no rudeness involved. It’s direct but not rude.

I usually say “I would like…..” Followed by “please” and “thank you”.

I always say please and thank you, a lot. And I tip well, unless I get really shitty service and/or an asshole for a server.

I never liked saying “I want.” I hear people say it all the time and have never seen a waiter or waitress appear upset, but to my ears it sounds vaguely dictatorial and condescending. I prefer saying, with a big smile, “May I have” or “I’d like to have.”

Sounds rude to me.

I never can make up my mind. I say “I don’t know what I want, can you help me decide?”

“Give me” is rude as well.
If I were a server and somebody said “give me a cheeseburger” I’d be really tempted to give them their cheeseburger right upside their rude head.

It just always feels as though I am with a giant demanding toddler when he says “I want this and I want that…” @uberbatman I agree tone is important, and anything no matter how nice can come off as unkind if spoken in a harsh manner. Thank you all for weighing in on my question. I still am not certain whether I will say anything or not.

I say “I want”. I add a please to the end of it as well for good measure. I also add a “thanks” or “thank you” after the waitor.waitress responds.

FWIW I don’t think I say I want but rather I’ll have or I’ll take.

Well if we’re qualifying what we say ourselves Mr @uberbatman… I usually say “I’d like…“Can I have…”. We are all polite jellies of course.

I say “I’d like…”
” I want….” sounds childish, like a 3 year old.

Back in my youth I worked at a McD. It was not uncommon to hear someone say: “Gimme Feeesh, N order of fries… N… Orange soda ” and then they’d dump the money on the counter. “Wait,,, take back the fries n gimme a pie”

Odds are these individuals were not brain surgeons.

Not rude to me, but it is a little unusual. I agree wth the jellies who said they are moreacxustomed to hearing and usuing “I’d like,” or “I’ll have.”

@LuckyGuy exactly I feel like I am with a demanding child when he says this!

I always say “I would like…” or “Can I have…”

“I want…” is a smidge rude on its face, but it really depends on the tone of voice. I probably wouldn’t say anything to my friend about it.

Conversely, I prefer waitstaff to say “Would you like something else?” or “Can I get you anything else?”.

I recently was at a restaurant where the waitress said “What else?” curtly after every item we ordered. I thought that was a bit rude.

@cookieman agreed, the polite behavior should run both ways. I do not want to sound like an old grouch, so perhaps I will refrain from mentioning anything to my friend. His ordering style does raise eyebrows from the waitstaff at times. That’s what spurred me to post the question. Sorry to hear abut your unhappy dining experience “what else” does seem harsh.

When I go to a restaurant it’s because I want something, so I ask for it. I may say “I want” or “I would like”. I am always polite and say thank you when I’m done. I say thank you every time the waiter helps us throughout the meal. If you are asking for something you want in a polite manner, how is saying “I want” rude? I don’t get it. ga @CWOTUS

@jonsblond I think to me, it just sounds too demanding and childish. Agree with you utterly that tone and the addition of “please” and “thank you” need to factor into the equation. My friend is hit or miss on tone and words of gratitude.

You mean when people ask like this.

Original can’t be shown here… :-(

Nope.

@Bellatrix giggles, giggles and more giggles, thank you! What a fun Towers clip. I am, now, of course, going to think of it whenever I have lunch with him. Amazing part is he does like Waldorf salad! Hmmmmm.

I always say I would like a…. To me it sounds nicer

I just say “I’d like ____.” It’s not formal gibberish, but not demanding either.

I say “Can I get the….”....it’s just how I order, without thinking. I’m a server and if someone said “I want….” it would not bother me at all. I’m not sure why it would.

Yes, the person may not mean it to be rude but it sounds a bit demanding.

Such sensitive souls, the guys working there really don’t give a second’s thought on how you order, so long as you’re not an arse, who cares?
I always say “give me” or “i’d like”

I say “I’d like…”

I don’t see a big difference between that and “I want”. Tone is everything. Saying “I want” when you order is not necessarily rude in my book.

I doubt the waitperson gives it a second thought. No matter what they are taking the order. Think about that word,—order. Tone is very important, I agree with those who said that also. Add in looking up at the waitperson and making eye contact every so often, and smiling, saying thank you.

I usually say “I’ll take the/an….”, “I’d like,” or “I’ll have.” Always with a please, and then thank you when I am served. I become kind of embarrassed when I’m with a friend who just says “I’ll get” or “Let me get.” I’m not sure I’ve ever even heard “I want.” I agree with above comments that it comes off as somewhat childish.

Americans are squeamish about acknowledging class differences, but ordering in a restaurant is essentially paying someone to temporarily be your servant. Maybe this is why some folks lean towards being more familiar. But I do believe that courtesy is for everyone. I think that learning to navigate France, where courtly politeness was invented and is still very much in operation, has caused me to be more aware of politeness in my native land.

@bookish1 Would you say in France waitering is seen more as a career, respected as a career, more than in America? I don’t know if it is just a social class thing or also how seriously the job is viewed by the society. I guess they aren’t mustually exclusive, but in America being a waiter is often looked at as a way someone earns money for school, or something to do inbetween jobs. When I go to very expensive, well established restaurants here in America (which I don’t do often) or even not so expensive, but well established local reastaurants, I usually encounter wait staff who are 35+ years old. In America we now have tons of moderate or lower end chains and I think even within the industry, the managers, the employees themselves, they don’t think of their job as a long term profession. I could be wrong though. My exboyfriend worked as a waiter for a while, his brother managed and then owned some very elegant established restaurants, and the elegance and performance among the staff is a whole different level. When I say performance I don’t mean whether they are efficient waiters, I mean like in a show. Their posture, their own careful choosing of words, etc. maybe this is seen at all levels in France? I’ve never been there.

@JLeslie : It’s a good question, but I don’t think I’m qualified to answer it. I only have real living experience in Paris, and even then, I could barely ever afford to go to restaurants. And I don’t know enough French people to understand how careers in hospitality are regarded. I do know that customers are not expected to tip in restaurants or bars, because people actually make enough to live on. It’s nice if you round up the change to the next Euro (it’s kind of like buying a drink for the waiter), but it’s not expected because there is always a gratuity added.

In my response, I meant to express the higher levels of courtesy that are expected in all societal interactions in France. If you went to the post office, or a McDonald’s, or a bar, or a fancy restaurant, and said the equivalent of “I want” instead of the polite form “I would like” or “I will take,” they would think you were super trashy and coarse, and you would get crappy service if they deigned to serve you at all.

@bookish1 I see. I experienced that in Japan. Extremely polite. Deeper bow towards those with higher status. I would say some parts of the US are more hung up (so to speak) on what they expect in terms of respect and etiquette.

I’m with @CWOTUS
It is a little more refined than “Gimme…”, a little less refined than “May I please…”
But the restaurant employee is, after all, taking orders. Part of the reason that some people enjoy going out to eat is that they, as a customer, are having service directed at them. It makes them feel important,and in command. Nothing wrong with that.
I would get over being embarrassed. It is still within boundaries of social convention.

I think that I would be a little annoyed by someone who says “I want.” Discuss the matter with your friend, maybe when you leave the restaurant and you are both feeling mellow after a good meal. If it bothers you then it is worth talking about.

@LostInParadise Do you think it is ok for the OP to be judged by what the friend says? I don’t think the OP should be embarrassed. If it was my SO I would say something, but I wouldn’t with a friend I don’t think. Just me. My experience is a lot of people don’t take that sort of criticism well. In the past when I have done something similar to help them, they just take it as me being horrible.

@JLeslie Right, or finicky or judgmental. Good usually doesn’t result.

Point taken. Maybe you are right. I thought that if the matter were brought up in a casual way, it might not cause a problem.

@LostInParadise It just depends on the person. When unsure I would say hold back.

Kind of. “May I have..” sounds nicer. That’s what I always say when I order. But then again it’s kinda funny because even if you say ‘may’ it’s not like they could refuse anyway haha XD

but seriously, it does sound nicer.

Depends on the TONE. I don’t think it’s that rude really…

It’s not rude, it’s blunt.

@CugelTheClueless smiles, and the person who used to say this, may his soul rest at peace, was one of the most blunt people that I knew. Since writing this question, he has passed, and I thank you for giving me the opportunity to look back on those moments of bickering with a smile!

Please accept my condolences for your loss. I’m relieved to know that my inadvertent reminder did not cause pain.

@CugelTheClueless, on the contrary it reminded me of one his qualities that though frustrating epitomized him. It will be one year in April, and I am now at a place where reminders bring only happiness. He was difficult, but ultimately quite kind in many ways too. Thank you!