What do you do when you know the relationship is over?

Ending a relationship because you no longer have feelings for the other person will not “destroy” the other person. It is being honest with them.
But you have cheated on your boyfriend, and have not been honest with him. That is a way to destroy someone. I have been cheated on myself, by someone who was too chicken to tell me she no longer had feelings for me. That was shattering.
It is not bad to think of your own needs, but it is selfish to pursue them when you are in a relationship with someone else who trusts you.
You need to own up to what you did and find a way out of this relationship before you do any more damage. There is probably no way for you to get him to “understand” how you are feeling right now, especially if he had no idea that something was wrong on your end. It’s not your business to worry about how he will take care of himself or recover from this, but it is a matter of integrity and honor to be honest about what you did wrong, and explain that the relationship is over.
Maybe while you are single, you can work on being more self-reflective and figure out what you need from a relationship, and what you can bring. If your motives are a mystery even to yourself, you are going to end up hurting more people.
Good luck to you, and welcome to Fluther.

End it. Now. Quickly. That is the kind thing to do.

Clearly, you need to leave if you are not happy. Staying while you have cheated only makes it worse and you yourself admit you are tired of feeling not alive. Will you hurt him a lot? Yes, but at the end of the day you need to do what pleases you and what would be best for him in the long run. He deserves someone who can love and cherish him and not cheat on him.

I do wonder this: will you ever feel completely satisfied in a long committed relationship? You are talking about that rush you feel, but sometimes if you have been with a person for years, that rush can go away. Both people get comfortable. It’s less to do with not being satisfied with the person and more to do with not feeling that rush of being with someone new that happens at the beginning of every relationship. That rush will never last forever. It’s the responsibility of both partners to keep the spark up. Ask yourself if you are bored in your relationship, or just bored with your own life.

I’m not saying that you are wrong and your relationship isn’t worth breaking off, I only know what you have told us, I’m just saying that it’s something to think about for all of your future relationships

Are you my Ex-husband? I suspect much of what you describe is what he was feeling. You will hurt the other person but he probably senses your withdrawal already. If you are each moving away for new jobs, this may be the perfect time to end it. But do realize that one romantic night with a stranger is always going to be more exciting than living with a spouse for years.

You said he feels it too. Have a heart to heart with him, NOW!! You have already cheated and if he finds out he will be gone for sure….whether you tell him about that escapade or not, don’t drag him along any further. The sooner you do it the sooner both of you can move on. Obviously it is not fun for anyone, and you are off with other people. Break up, start packing, move when the time comes, be civil for now if you can.

I’m not sure what you want to hear, other than leave the guy. We don’t know the intricacies of your relationship.

It sounds like you want to leave. It sounds like you want more passion. Perhaps you’re bored, or emotionally unstimulated. This happens in long-term relationships.

I’m confused about your comment “Why aren’t good looks and a kind personality enough to keep things together?” Good looks and kind personality are not the top two things I would consider in a long-term relationship. Sure, they’re up there… but they are not enough to keep things together for the long haul.

Are the two of you working on your relationship? Actively? Are you dating (even married people need dates)? Being intimate? Talking? Listening? Do you know each other’s needs and desires? Are you working on being the person you want to be? Are you working on meeting your partner’s needs?

Relationships take a lot of work.

It sounds like you are looking for passion/infatuation.

Unless your partner is abusive, I will not advise you to leave. I don’t know you. Only you have the answer inside. Please talk to your partner about your concerns.

I guess my problem is that I don’t see what the question is here. It seems like you already know what you want to do but are looking for validation??

“Why aren’t good looks and a kind personality enough to keep things together?”
No spark. If he feels it too, you must part. Sadly, because he is a fine person. . .for someone else. A move is a perfect time for starting fresh. You may still stay in contact because you both care what happens to the other.

It sucks. A relationship can reach its end for so many reasons, and many of them don’t involve wrongdoing from either party. It hurts to hurt someone who hasn’t done anything to deserve it, but that’s the thing with relationships. You can’t stay in one solely because you feel you should. That’s not a good relationship. Sadly if the love isn’t there anymore, you just have to do the hard thing and then try and keep your chin up.

I don’t think you are being selfish. You’re being honest about your feelings and about a relationship that’s run its course. If you stay with your current partner, despite knowing you don’t love them in the way you could and should, you cheat them of ever finding that person who will love them as much as they deserve. They have the right to feel loved and in love with life, just as you do. Sometimes one person has to be strong enough to say, ‘this isn’t working’. Being honest about the right person for them not being you – is the honourable thing to do. Yes, they will be hurt but you can’t stay with someone to avoid hurting them. If you do, you hurt them anyway.