What do you think about the statement 1 in 3 children in America grow up without a father?

I think in some way, many children WITH a father grow up without a father. The kids are in daycare all day and maybe the parents get to see their dads 1 hour a day before bedtime.

I agree it is an extreme statement with limited actual application. Yes, too many kids grow up without a dad present, but exaggeration of statistics does no one any good.

One might argue that my kids grow up without a mom, although they see her on average 4 times a week for hours at a time. But it’s for their own safety.

My parents were divorced. Anyone who says I grew up without my father doesn’t know my father and how involved he was in my life. Besides: if living in the same house is so important, then it turns out that most of us grew up without friends as well.

Furthermore, do the statistics take into account the existence of stepfathers? Fatherhood isn’t all biology, after all. There were definitely downsides to my parents splitting up, but I got two extra parents out of the deal. My stepfather and my stepmother are both great people with knowledge and experience neither of my biological parents have, and they were there for me in situations when my mother and father would have been lost.

In the end, though, I wonder what the underlying issue here is supposed to be. There are many ways to be fatherless—just ask the children of soldiers who died in battle. If you have a supportive family around you, you will still grow up with male figures and female figures in your life to teach you whatever lessons you need to know about love and family. But let’s not pretend children need a father so that they can learn “what it is to be a man.” Not all biological fathers are good role models, and the whole notion that there is only one way to “be a man” is dubious in the first place.

@SavoirFaire I don’t know if the concern is children growing up without a male role model, or if it is more about children growing up feeling unwanted. I really doubt the show is about divorce when the dad is still very involved. I might try to catch some of the show out of curiousity.

I don’t think a male role model is the only thing children get from having a male adult around. I think children learn how relationships work. That can be any two adults, same sex or not. I think that is more important in society today than a specifically male or female role model.

@JLeslie You asked about the statement, and I responded to that. I have no idea what the show will be about. That is why I posed my last paragraph in terms of a question.

@SavoirFaire I wasn’t challenging what you wrote. I was just thinking out loud, adding to your thought.

I think that we live in a culture that encourages “fatherlessness.” I wholeheartedly believe that the American family court system creates absent fathers, that custody is unfairly awarded to women in most cases rather than there being a focus on shared parenting, that child support often “punishes” good fathers for trying to do the right thing, and generally that the entire atmosphere is set up for abuse of the system.

I know entirely too many dads whose children would be described as “fatherless,” who want to see their kids, who are barely making ends meet because their child support obligations are so high that they can’t survive on what is left, who can’t afford to keep going back to court to fight to see their kids… and so they don’t.

Sure, there are lots of “deadbeat dads” out there, guys who don’t give a shit about their kids or don’t pay their child support… but there are a lot of single moms receiving praise who are also keeping their children from seeing their father simply because they’ve decided that since they’re done with the father, he isn’t good enough to parent his children. This is one of few areas in our society where men are at a severe disadvantage.

Might be an unpopular opinion, but I’ve heard the same story too many times and also lived it, so I place the majority of the blame on the courts.

@DigitalBlue I have empathy for dads who are frustrated and pay out child support and resent it because they rarely get to see their kids. But, it has been my experience that in the last 15 years courts lean towards joint custody. At least that is what I have observed in MI and FL. Literally, 50/50. Kids go 3 days with one parent, then 4 with the other, and then the opposite the next week so it all evens out. The moms I know who have young children think it is too much volley for the children during the school year. I don’t have a strong opinion about it, but that is what a lot of them tell me, and they are angry their husbands seem to not care what is best for the child, they just want their fair turn. People I know with older childrenit seems to be lessof a thing, especially if the parents live fairly close, the kids go inbetween the houses at will, especially once they begin to drive.

When a baby is born out of wedlock is a completely different story. The father basically has zero rights, and does have to go to court to fight to even see their child and they are held to pay for child support with absolutely no right to see the baby.

Responsibility is not respected in our society, it’s not cool. I see a lot of “self” over happy kids by both sexes. :(

My son’s father is a rapist. My son grew up without his father. Literally. Including divorced fathers in the “fatherlessness” statistic is skewed and wrong. It is offensive, actually. There are kids who do not know their dads, who do not get any financial support, who do not get advice, whose moms do not have a partner, and on and on and on.

True fatherlessness and divorce or never being married are in no way the same.

Perhaps you could write to the Oprah research people and ask for a definition of how they are using the term. What does ‘fatherless’ mean in this programme?

I would agree that suggesting a child whose parents are divorced is automatically fatherless (and other such situations) is ridiculous. Many divorced fathers are very engaged with their children. I’m sure many have closer relationships with their children than fathers who live at home but work 12–14 hour days and have no time for their children outside work.

Oprah needs a show and something to discuss. Thats what she does. You have to look at it from that point of view. Of course that show might gin up the numbers for dramatic effect. After all its the drama that people expect from it.

@Bellatrix They might say on the show. I think it hasn’t aired yet, so I can set my DVR to record it. I really think she is going to focus on dad’s that were never there or who abondoned the family. I say this because of stereotypes in my mind. The preview showed an audience full of black people, probably 98%, and I admit to prejudging that it won’t be about regular divorce stuations. I want to say that a few of my friends have kids who had children in teen years, one in her early 20’s and they are all white. All the situations the dad’s are fairly absent. One of the situations it is my friend’s son who is actually the absentish dad. So, it’s not that I think white people don’t have this situation, but again, because of the audience I am going to assume Oprah is not talking about the traditional divorce situation. If I am right, her statistic is bogus, and alarmist, and does not really fit the dicussion. We’ll see what the program says.

Oprah is very often ignorant when it comes to science, statistics, and things of that nature. I always thought this, and then to reinforce it a college friend of mine actually was an audience member on her show during a climate change episode and she said Oprah was embarrissingly ignorant on the topic. Her staff probably came up with the stat for fatherlessness and she did not bother to research it at all.

On average life is more stressful for single parents.

Her new show could be another reunion show but dad’s like mine would decline. It is criminal neglect to some.

Sometimes no dad is better than a crappy dad. Although I can’t really think of a time when a crappy dad is any good at all.

Ask me how I know:)