Unfortunately the dirty people cannot even be shamed into changing their ways. There are folks like @keobooks, who for whatever reason do not perceive the filth, and there are others who are simply lazy and don’t care how filthy the place is, and then there are others who are too disorganized and simply cannot keep up with the pace and schedule. Any of these people are likely to become, not only bad house keepers, but possibly turn into hoarders, especially if they tend toward depression.
One of my aunts has been like this her entire life. She has lived in multiple houses since I was a little kid (so 50 years) and even though people have helped her clean up to move, as soon as she gets into another place, the home turns into a hovel.
So the only advice I can give you, is to know that you will most likely be doing most or all of the housework. Even if your partner (I assume that is who we are referring to, yes?) says she will change, and even does a few things in the beginning, I’m pretty sure that there’s a 99.9% chance that she will revert back to being a slob.
You certainly could try to work out a chart and a schedule, but if you do that, you should also have a little training session in which you show her how clean is clean and what you expect, but since she’s your partner and an adult, she might resent the fact that you are attempting to school her.
On the other hand, if you come up with a plan and she seems eager to change her ways, know in advance, that she will slip up. In that case you need to figure out how you are going to react to her slip ups. Hopefully you can decide in advance that you will not become angry, because that won’t help either of you. Shaming the person won’t help either. You need to remain calm and either clean up the mess yourself, and then remind her about her agreement (but remaining calm and friendly, don’t build up resentment) and start again.
Hopefully you can sit down with her calmly and you can show her a few helpful household tips on how to keep things from getting super gross in the first place.
In the kitchen: always have kitchen wet wipes on hand, or at least have paper towels and your favorite spray cleaner. Before anyone starts to make a meal, make sure that the dishwasher is emptied, the dirty dishes are removed from the sink and either washed or put into the dishwasher, because you’re going to need to use your sink to collect the new set of dirty dishes and utensils.
Teach her to clean, before, during and after preparing a meal (even if it’s just a sandwich) in the kitchen. Before anyone gets out the jelly or the ketchup or the gravy, put a paper towel, a spoon holder or a clean dish cloth on the counter. Then when you go to cut a piece of bread, the plate or the cutting board is put on top of the dish cloth, so that the crumbs fall there, instead of onto the counter. Knives and spoons that have been stirring coffee or spreading peanut butter are never put down directly onto the counter, they’re put onto a paper plate, a paper towel, a spoon holder, or even another plate. Sticky counters are one of the most disgusting and unnecessary dirty deals to have to encounter. As each of the utensils or other plates are used and finished with, they should be rinsed and put into the sink (I like to put my utensils into a cup filled with soapy water, so they can soak, while I’m cleaning up other stuff, before I put them into the dishwasher). No dishes should ever be left out on the counter. After the meal has been prepped, the dish cloth can be shaken out over the sink or into the trash can. Then, if that cloth is not soiled from jelly or gravy or juice, the counter can be wiped. At this point I either use the kitchen wet wipes or my spray cleaner.
If you’re preparing a big meal (especially something like Christmas dinner) plan ahead. Again, make sure the dishwasher and the sink are empty before you start. Make sure the counters are clean before you start. Have a dishpan ready, or just the sink, ready to collect each used pan and utensil, as soon as they’e no longer being used. Lay out dish towels on the kitchen counters (cause this is gonna get messy) have paper plates or spoon rests ready to hold the utensils, while they are still being used. I also have one dish towel just for drying my hands, because before I touch anything new, or after having touched something else (food, the trash can, the faucet, a pet, or my own nose/mouth/eyes/hair) I wash my hands, or use hand sanitizer and then dry my hands on the towel used only for that purpose. I have another towel or paper towels ready to mop up any spills as soon as they occur. Don’t wait, or the spill will dry up, or keep moving!
For the microwave, make sure that anything (figure out what these things are in advance) that can splatter, is covered before heating. I have one of those plastic thingees like you see when they bring you your food in the hospital (a food cover) but I also use paper plates and paper towels. If someone should forget to cover the food and a splatter occurs, make sure that the entire microwave gets cleaned out, immediately. If it gets re-heated multiple times, the mess will be come hard and much more difficult to clean, and it’s just plain gross.
While the dishes are being cooked and served, have a spot next to the sink where the pots and pans and utensils get rinsed, soaked, and stacked, and or put into the sink or directly into the dishwasher, as you go along. Don’t leave dirty dishes sitting around, because they’re much harder to clean when the food starts to congeal or get hard. This is why it’s imperative to clean your kitchen before you start a meal, and once again, when you are finished.
In the fridge, use tupperware or other containers, but make sure to label them with the item name and the date in which the food was put in there. Make sure to remove old leftovers before they start to stink. 5 days is about the limit for most things. Use kitchen wet wipes or paper towel and kitchen cleaner to wipe up the surface of the fridge whenever there is a spill or crumbs, don’t wait until days later, do it immediately. Also wipe down the handles of the fridge, a place where sticky stuff tends to land.
At the stove, know that stuff is going to splatter and be ready to handle that situation. I usually wait until I’m finished using the stove and the dishes have been removed to the sink or dishwasher, and then give then entire stove a thorough wipe down, sometimes I have to clean off the tea kettle as well, as the splatters (especially from oil) fly onto it, and the underneath side of the microwave/vent area.
After I make a big meal, there is usually crumbs and other stuff on the floor, so I keep a broom and dust pan nearby. I sweep up that mess right after I’m finished working in the kitchen. Don’t wait until the next day, or next week, or you will be inviting mice.
In the fridge, if you have a jug of iced tea, or a carton of milk or anything else that tends to leave condensation on the bottom, put a plate or a paper towel under it, so that it doesn’t get all over the shelf.
In the bathroom, make sure that you always have a roll of paper towels under the sink. If you spray toothpaste onto the mirror, it should be wiped up immediately. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who either squeeze a big glop of toothpaste into the sink, or spit that glop there, but then don’t bother to rinse the sink. That actually makes me eyelid start to twitch when I see that. The counter and the faucets should be wiped down every single time the bathroom is used. There should be a place for everything, and everything should be kept in it’s place. If there are a lot of products kept all over the counter, invest in some organizing boxes so that the nail polish and the hair ties and the shaving cream and the moisturizers all have a place to live, rather than just strewn about. You can also get organizers for under the sink, inside the drawers, and you can add storage shelves. If you keep your clothes hamper in the bathroom, consider switching to one of those types that has the multiple collection bags, so that the laundry is being sorted into colors, whites, dainties etc. at the time. Never allow clothes to be put on the floor or hung over a chair, unless that item is going to be used again the next day, otherwise put it away, or put it in the laundry hamper.
Make sure that you always have toilet cleaner and a toilet brush handy. Make sure everyone knows how to use those items, and how clean the bowl should look. Paper towels should be used regularly to wipe up the hair that gathers on the bathroom floor, every day, in between regular vacuuming and mopping duties, ‘cause that’s just plain gross.
If you share a bedroom, this part will be a lot harder, because you will have to make sure that you create a place for everything that goes in there (consider putting the multiple receptacle clothes hamper in the bedroom) and get organizing boxes, cabinets, drawers or whatever you need so that everything has a place to land besides the floor. If the bed can’t be made ever day, make sure that at least the covers get pulled up and folded over into an acceptable sight, don’t leave covers all balled up in a heap or thrown onto the floor.You may have to explain how to make a proper bed and how often you think the bed clothes should be changed. Make sure to have at least one extra set of sheets and blankets, so that while one set is being washed, the other set can be put onto the bed.
In the common areas, again, make sure that there is a place for everything and get some more storage items as you see fit. When cleaning, start from top to bottom. Dust high, first, because then as you go lower, the dust will keep going lower, until then you get out the vacuum. If you try to vacuum first and then dust afterwards, you will create more dust that won’t get picked up. Make sure that you have a place, somewhere in your home, that is organizing central. Don’t let paperwork, fast food containers, keys, phones, jackets, end up on the dining room or kitchen table. If you need to install some hooks or cubbies, that can help. Make sure you label the cubbies, or the slobs won’t put things back where they go, because they can’t remember.
Have a chalk board or a white board in your kitchen, so that you can relay messages, have important phone numbers, write down appointments, post your schedule, and make a list of things that you have run out of. Get all of those ugly fridge magnets and pictures of other people’s kids off of your fridge. What starts out as a couple of cute pictures, ultimately ends up with a floor to ceiling post it note, one of the ugliest things, in an otherwise neat and clean kitchen. Get a scrapbook for all of those pictures, and get rid of the magnets.
Make sure that you have all of the necessary cleaning items that you will need: vacuum, static dusters, mop or swiffer floor cleaner, paper towels, broom and dust pan, kitchen counter cleaner, glass cleaner, toilet bowl cleaner, sink scrubber powder etc. And make sure those items are easily accessible, if you run out of paper towels, or can’t get to the vacuum because there’s a bunch of bikes and shoes in front of it, those items won’t be used.
If none of this helps, consider moving into a duplex : )
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