Putting temptation into a relationship, sure way for an affair?

Not a sure way, but I do think it is risky. Especially if the nanny doesn’t have a boundary about married men. Real life with your wife has more negatives than a maid that thinks the man is wonderful. Truly, real life involves struggles, and paying bills, and Forgetting to bring out the trash. Affairs for men involve a women who just simply thinks they are great without any of the every day crap. The guy is the king and pretty damn close to perfect.

Emotional cheating is as bad as physical cheating. It’s all cheating. For me, a little flirtation is no big deal, but if you feel more giddy talking to the other person and care about talking to them more than your SO that’s a problem. I flirt with some of the guys in our circle of friends, spouses are present also most of the time, it’s no big deal. But, the second I started to feel like one of those guys was actually thinking they might really get somewhere with me I would shut it all down fast. There is an unspoken boundary of sorts. same goes for men at work when I worked.

Same with online. Here on fluther we do a little flirting right here in the open. But, I would never let it happen at length on PM. Nor would I favor an online relationship to my husband. If I saw it happening I would try my damnedest to connect with my husband and really focus on my relationship.

When somone is “cheating” they become emotionally absent from their primary relationship. It isn’t only that they are emotionally or physically cheating. Their behavior changes and it negatively impacts the primary relationship. Most people cannot cheat successfully and keep everyone happy.

Nothing needs to happen either physically nor emotionally to cause a problem. Your S/O only needs to percieve something for it to becaome a problem. Best to avoid problems that are eaily avoided. It’s not just what he may do but also what you may think he may do.

A cheater will cheat, and we are human. I’d hire a qualified nanny and not waste time or emotion on something shrewish.

And if the maid is what one deems ugly, and he still cheats on her?

@Blackberry I mean any type of attraction like say if you find your spouse and the maid has some kind of connection that’s a bit flirty or lustful…because he finds her attractive in her own way.

So is it really trusting your husband if you refuse to have an attractive girl in the house every day??

I trust my husband, but I never say never. I trust him because of his behavior. But, if his behavior changed I would become suspicious. Some points in our marriage the marriage felt more secure than others. I think timing has something to do with it, not just the presence of another woman.

@JLeslie Nicely put.

@Chelle Human attraction is natural, if a person doesn’t cross boundaries it’s cool. My hubs & I are both flirts!

Nah, nowt wrong with window shopping if you don’t intend to purchase.

I wouldn’t hire a “hot maid” because falling in love/lust with someone is not about trust. You lust after who you lust after, it’s whether you act on it that’s about trust. I would not want to make someone that’s so good looking so available to my husband – it’s creating an opportunity that could lead to very sad consequences (emotional or physical affair). Most affairs are affairs of opportunity that wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t so easy.

@Gabby Pshaw…keeping all hot chicks away is a full-time job, see how insecure that sounds? Trust until proved wrong.

No problem with the hubby hiring the hot maid… as long as wiffy gets to hire hunk-o-licious lawn service boys. “Come inside if you’re thirsty fellas”!

Seriously… hubby is a chubby if he does anything which makes his wife uncomfortable. What a dick.

@Knowitall, like I said, you may trust someone not to have an affair, but you cannot trust someone not to fall in love with someone because that is out of their control. If you think having a spouse love or lust after someone is not painful just because they don’t actually have sex, you’re wrong. There’s also a big difference between trying to control everyone your husband meets and being selective about who you bring into your home to spend significant time with your spouse.

@Gabby101 I disagree that it is out of the person’s control. In life we meet many people who could be a match, we just don’t entertain the connection if we are in a committed relationship.

I trust my man enough to know that he only has eyes for me but more importantly RESPECT and i have the same for him, if a woman agrees to allowing a hot maid or otherwise to come into her home and her husband cheats on her it’s her fault because we are human, and human nature reminds us every time we see something or someone attractive… if a man has a thought enter his head he has already cheated, and if it is offered it on a plate and it looks good to eat then 9 times out of 10 he will so it beats me why any woman would in fact instigate that by bringing another woman into the relationship mix you’re asking for trouble who does that ?....my man has a problem if another guy looks at me with lingering eyes and i always look into his (my man’s) eyes to assure him i only have eyes for him, we are committed and rock solid together and never allowing anyone else to come between us.