Can you file a police report on someone who is just talking crazy?

Document all interactions, and a call in to the local police just as warning that you are concerned he could, potentially, turn violent is about all you can do.
I’d talk to an attorney as well, they can further advise you on visitation, and if there is not already a shared custody agreement one needs to drawn up soon with stipulations as to conduct, when/where the visits will take place etc. This is something a family law attorney or court advocate can help arrange.

She needs to get court ordered child support instead of just waiting for him to give her money. It’s a control thing. Once he gets a few months behind SHE will be the one in control.

She’s applied for child support through the SRS, just waiting on that slow boat. But he keeps jumping around from job to job. I’m pretty sure, though, that the court will mandate child support based on minimum wage, on the assumption that he is healthy and CAN work.

When you say he gets a few months behind, she will be the one in control….she can be in control now, but she keeps giving it up. She keeps waiting for it to “change,” probably because it’s so unbelievably insane. That and she needs all the help he’s willing to give.

It drives ME nuts….she is worth so much more than that piece of shit….

Coloma….attorneys cost money. :(

Thanks for the answers you guys….and I’ll tell her what you said about at least calling them with her concerns.

I think she needs a restraining order too….but then she can’t get diapers or money or whatever. When the baby gets older I think it will get better, but Jesus.

Babies make people crazy. It’s a hard time and basically everything changes very quickly.

If he has someone who’s a strong influence in his life, and that person is reasonable, then that may be a better route for you to go than trying to talk to anyone only when it’s an issue. Maybe his father, an older sibling, his mother, whoever he’ll actually listen to. Someone needs to explain he’s a father and that tiny person is counting on him to be steady and on time even when things are hard.

His relationship with your daughter is a separate issue and I’d try to disconnect the two in everyone’s minds. How they treat each other is one thing, how he treats the baby and its care is another.

In addition to seeking help through the courts for financial support and visitation schedules, your daughter needs mental health care herself. She is intertwined in a classic co-dependent relationship, and needs to develop her self-confidence so she will not tolerate psychological, verbal, or physical abuse.

Pushing her down when she tries to get up and blocking her from leaving a room are threatening behaviors, and they are reportable as such where I live in NJ, USA.

I was in a couple volatile relationships like that when my son was young, so I can relate. Most western societies have systems in place to help young mothers get away from volatile partners and to protect themselves and their children. Your daughter has to put her baby first, and realize that it is not healthy for a child to grow up in such an unstable environment.

Good luck to them!

@funkdaddy He has no siblings. His mother was a drug addict and she died when he was 16. He has NO relationship with his father, except an abusive caustic one. He has two older kids…a daughter who is 13 and a son who is 8. He’s not a first time father. As far as how he treats the baby, he isn’t around very much. The other day he showed up, picked the baby up, and she started crying. He accused my daughter of turning the child “against” him somehow….the baby is 5 months old!!! He kept holding the baby saying “Someday she’ll (referring to my daughter) quit doing that.”

I appreciate your answer @hearkat….I’ll see if I can’t convince her to find a mental health place that can help. It’s just been our experience that they’re such a useless joke, especially if the’re state sponsored, as to do more harm than good. But she needs to keep trying.

There IS something there that she’s having a hard time letting go of. She is SO much happier and calmer when he’s not around, deliberately antagonizing her. She loves her baby so much (she has two older kids too….really GOOD kids.) It’s such a shame that she took such a hard road. She’s a beautiful woman who could have had any man she wanted, but she kept “settling,” and….thinking if she got pregnant they’d marry her and she could have the family she craves.

At any rate, she’s a GREAT mom. How to get her free from the assholes she keeps allowing in is another story. Now she’s saying “Who’s going to want a woman with 3 kids???”

She shouldn’t have to wait for the child support; it should be deducted from him and put into an child support account for her automatically.

She should call the law to document what is going on, and hopefully, eventually get some peace. That may or may not work depending on where she lives, but she is being harrassed, which is illegal.

What do you mean she shouldn’t have to wait for child support? Yes, it will be deducted from his PAYCHECK, IF he has one, but only after that has been approved through the court system, which is what she’s waiting on for the SRS to get done.
If he doesn’t have a paycheck, there will just be an order for him to pay, and it will be up to him. If he doesn’t, she’s just SOL. Sure, he’ll wind up in contempt, and in jail, but what good will that do her, really?

What is SRS, @Windmill? Where do you live?

In NJ, USA, my ex was ordered to pay child support based on what he was capable of earning. He was unemployed at the time, but he had a trade and more than ten years’ experience. He never got a job, so the support accrued. Non-payment of child support is a legal violation (I don’t think it’s criminal per se, but rather considered a contempt of court offense or similar) so the person in arrears can get arrested for non-payment. I never reported him, but every so often, I’d get a check in the mail and I knew that meant that his parents had bailed him out. I was fortunate that I had an education and career and was able to live with family, and did not have to rely on my ex or the state for financial support.

Your daughter needs to not be dependent on any man for anything. She shouldn’t worry about what man will take her with three kids, she needs to focus on keeping of all four of them safe and healthy in the here and now. Instead of dreaming of some idyllic family with a price charming rescuing them and living happily ever after, she needs to come to terms with the fact that this is the family she has created, and it is up to her to be happy with what she’s got.

I am speaking from experience, so I hope I don’t sound too mean. I was molested as a child and was miserable because of it, so I relied a lot on wishful thinking and spent a lot of time and energy feeling sorry for myself and hoping for someone to save me. If someone “rescues” her she will feel obligated to him and she winds up in these co-dependent cycles. If she saves herself, she will have dignity and integrity and will be an awesome role-model for those kids.

I am sure I’d have gotten super hostile and defensive if someone just slapped me with the truth like that, but it is something that one needs to realize in order to break free of that vicious cycle she’s trapped in. The sooner she does that, the better it will be for her and the kids. She has the power within her, she just needs to make it her priority and stop making excuses. Right now she is her own worst enemy and is afraid of change, but the only way out is through.

I hope she finds her strength soon.

SRS=Social & Rehabilitative Services. Same thing as the Welfare department.

I know she needs to be not dependent on any man. SHE knows that, but at this point she’s gotten herself well and truly stuck. She hasn’t finished her education, she doesn’t have a job. She had one for a bit, but then the baby sitter flaked out on her so she had to quit. She was going to school, has 1.5 semesters under her belt in para-legal studies, but that’s been sidetracked for now. I asked if she couldn’t continue online, but her apartment complex doesn’t provide internet service (although it’s supposed to) and she doesn’t have a computer.

I appreciate your honesty @hearkat.

I just get so mad and frustrated. What is WITH this generation, having babies helter skelter with no advanced thought of HOW they’re going to support them? When I was in HS I had a couple of pregnancy scares and I was terrified. My thoughts were….“How am I going to take care of a baby???” Why doesn’t this generation wonder the same things? Although she IS 27, not in High School anymore.

Anyway, that’s water under the bridge. Thanks for letting me rant. I am so fucking tired.

@Windmill: Welfare doesn’t regulate child support here, the courts do. Where do you live? We have members from many countries, so it might help if you provide that bit of information.

As for where this generation gets their ideas from, I cannot say. My son is 22, and a couple of his friends have kids already, but I stressed to my son to use protection against disease and pregnancy. He saw the work and dedication I put into raising him by myself, after having seen the rather neglectful way I was when he was younger and I was self-absorbed in the drama like your daughter. He knows the kind of parent he plans to be, and knows he isn’t ready for that level of commitment yet. But I had peers who were very much like your daughter, so I don’t think it’s generational.

Your daughter is lacking self-esteem, and perhaps only she has any idea why that might be. She tolerates mistreatment because she feels on some level that she deserves it.

She could protest her residence not having the Internet they’re supposed to if it’s in her lease. She could start developing some backbone by fighting for her rights there, maybe it will help her stand up for herself in relationships.

I know SRS doesn’t regulate child support, but they get involved with the court systems in some way. That was the only way I was able to get child support from my Ex, because SRS threatened him. He had moved to a different state, and was filing for benefits in that other state. They got suspicious…someone turned him in for claiming my oldest daughter who he took with him, and who had moved out / was kicked out at the time. They did a little investigating and saw that he owed child support here…and the next thing I knew I received a court order stating that he had to pay me some pathetic amount of support, like $100 total for the other two kids who were with me. They stuck with it, too. When my oldest moved back, I got an order that the support was increased by $50. After she turned 18, I got another letter stating that the amount wouldn’t change and that extra $50 would apply to the arrears (about $27,000.) I didn’t have to do anything.

Harassment…...if it comes to the point where she requests him to leave where she is present at the moment and he doesn’t reply, it’s harassment…..recurring issue…..restraining order.