How can you not look silly eating a muffin?

Cut it in quarters before you eat it. Not as many crumbs. Not as much fun to eat, either. Good muffins are supposed to be crumby.

1. Split it in half horizontally by gently piercing it with a fork all the way around and then separating it.
2. Butter it (optional).
3. With a sharp knife, section each half into quarters and, depending on the size of the muffin, split each quarter again. Now you have sixteenths.
4. Eat the sections with a fork.

I would never dream of doing this myself. It would look too silly.

>muffins
>crumbs
What
I don’t…I’m just..I…how??!

I actually find it exponentially more silly to drink from a straw and still try to appear masculine.

Mama always said you could eat one million muffins in your life but suck just one straw and you are a strawsucker for life.

Yes, as suggested above, cut or break it up into smaller pieces. Much easier to eat. The crumbs stay on the plate.

If it’s a tasty muffin the crumbs are probably a small price to pay anyway.

I just use my hands to separate the top (the best part) from the bottom… a good moist muffin shouldn’t need to be fork-split. I then use my hands to break off bite-sized pieces and pop them in my mouth… a good moist muffin shouldn’t need butter – unless it’s cornbread, and then I’d spread a dab of butter on each bite.

It’s impossible! Seriously. I’m broke all the time and often buy muffins because they’re like massive and I’m all, “Sweet! A lot of food for a dollar!”

I usually just eat them over the paper bag I bought them in.

If you shut off the lights and eat them in the dark no one will see you.

Blend it up in your power drink???

I agree with @Sunny2. I always cut up food when it’s too big or messy to eat. “Thou shalt not eat muffins whole” is not one of the Commandments.

I’ve never had this problem. I guess the muffins I eat aren’t very crumby. I like the Otis Spunkmeyer [extremely fattening] muffins, and they’re pretty easy to eat whole without being messy.

In any event, just eat it! It’s a messy food, who cares?

Use a plate, and tear off pieces and eat them.

I pick at it with my hands. I actually haven’t eaten a muffin in a few years, but it didn’t seem awkward to me.

Shove the whole thing down your gob & to fuck with the consequences, including blowing crumbs outta your nose.
You’ll look gormless, but hey…beats silly any day.

Muffins are a silly food to begin with. Just suck it up and enjoy.

Instead of forcing it into your mouth just simply slice it into bite size pieces.