How do I stop being hurt by this?

You get over it by realizing it is NOT about them, it is about your programming and expectations. In this economy not having enough cash for gas is a reality for many people and if they haven’t spent the last month budgeting gas for your birthday, oh well.
This is not about you, it is about them, their situation and their priorities. If they do not see your birthday as a priority maybe you need to think about what their situation is.

The most important “work” we can do as humans is to challenge our faulty belief systems such as this.
Is it really TRUE that if they do not come to see you that he does not nreally care about you?
Take the high road and tell him that you would really like to see him but understand if he can’t make it happen.
Now…IF, this is a regular thing and he NEVER makes any gestures to see you, well…up to you…you can be hurt, which only hurts you, OR, you can accept that he just isn’t going to make a big show of caring according to YOUR standards.

Not visiting someone on their birthday does not mean another person doesn’t care, it just means you are attaching waaay too much emotional energy to something that is really pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

If you want to see him that badly why don’t YOU go to him?
It is immature and unfair to set him up in this manner.

Coloma – my brother lives 30 minutes away…secondly he never comes to anything unless it’s about him or his wife…they don’t let us see them because they are either tired or busy…I don’t even see my niece because of this…they just jumped into getting an apartment because their friend moved 30 minutes away…they used to live five minutes away.

Please don’t automatically blame me for it when you don’t even know how he and his wife are.

@Coloma Then, you just have to accept he is just not that into you and don’t take it personally. He’s into his own thing, himself, and it is what it is. Ya gotta let go of your expectations or continue to suffer from a bad case of the “shoulds.” Wisdom 101 from an old chick. :-)

Maturity may change things in another 20 or 30 years, but right now, it is not happening kiddo.
Don’t let it get you down, then you are allowing others behavior to effect you in a negative way.

Just remember not to invite him to future events. When he wonders why, tell him because you it isn’t about him so you know he won’t show and you will just be wasting your breath.

Or you could just tell him that you miss him and would like him to come. Maybe he feels the tension between you and his wife and he feels you really don’t want them their together and doesn’t want to be put on the spot between his wife and you. So he made up a lame excuse to avoid creating more tension between his wife and you.

Why don’t you just call him and tell him you wish he could come because you’ll miss him. They may have things going on you aren’t aware of – money problems.

I remember years ago I was going to leave the country and I didn’t think my oldest brother would care if I didn’t drop in to say goodbye. I’d seen him a couple of months before and he is a lot older than me. Then someone told me he was really upset that I wasn’t planning to see him. I didn’t think I mattered to him. I didn’t have any other responsibilities but me. He had work and family and many other things to worry about but he really did love me and want to see me before I left.

So… give him a call and tell him you’re birthday will be better if he’s there. See what happens.

Ask yourself this question:

Do you really want to be around people who do not want to be around you?

Appreciate your true friends and loving family who appreciate you.

How to stop being hurt by this?
Accept that in a couple of years you will be on your own and possibly travelling etc.
Perhaps one day YOU will not be able to honour committments too?
In our family we grew up with NO Birthdays etc
We never got disappointed as we had nothing to look forward too.
Society or rather commericalism had started that practice, and now everyone acts like they deserve homage.
Perhaps they will see you at a better date or perhaps they have a surprise for you, or nothing? Who knows, enjoy your life with or without accolades, its a part of growing up .