I surrender!

never mind edited by me

I didn’t surrender as much as moved on. University, girlfriend’s.

Not very often, but every now and then, I just surrender to surrender itself. And I feel a red tide beginning to crest yet again.

In my life, surrender has been a last-ditch but pretty useful option.

My usual reaction to getting sick is to become even more of a perfectionist than usual. Sick? Time to micro-manage my diet. Time to work extra hard in school to make sure I don’t fall behind. These are all counter-productive behaviors when that sickness is exacerbated by stress.

When I was 17 and very sick, after I missed about two months of school I just sort of gave up on it for awhile. I lay in bed and played video games quite a lot. This helped me to heal. My teachers were very understanding. I made up the missed work once I was able.

When I was 18 and very sick, I reacted by becoming very paranoid about the food I was eating at my college dining hall. For awhile I tried to analyze everything I put on my plate. I lost weight. Finally I gave up and decided there was probably no way I was going to be able to eat healthily in a cafeteria. I just ate what looked appealing to me. I was able to maintain my weight after that.

Surrender ain’t as negative as it sounds.

Oh yes, I surrender but my mind won’t even accept that!

Die before you die.

Is that the same as giving up? I’m more likely to give up than give in.

I never said give up or give in. I said surrender. Quite different, no?

To me, surrender is to give up, if it’s a game or a battle. It’s give in, if it’s a disagreement. Perhaps surrender is one of those words that have multiple meanings. but I’m too lazy to look it up.

I surrender, because fuck everything. But then, when fuck everything, you don’t care about surrendering, so I win, if only by default.

It’s only when you’re at your weakest that you’re most dangerous.

Not sure, but I think I stole that from this upcoming Wolverine movie I don’t give a fuck about.

@Symbeline Now THAT’S the kind of surrender I was referring to.

I surrender to my dreams

I’m getting better at surrendering to alternate ways of doing things, both other people’s and my own.

Who gets a four-day weekend? I’m not even getting paid for today, because the holiday happened to fall on a day I don’t normally work, and they changed their policy.

I surrendered to the reality that I have no control over anyone else, nor of the past or future. I’ve accepted that all I can control is what I do with this exact moment in time. My goal is to choose things that will leave me with the fewest regrets in the future, but I tend towards self-indulgence.