How would you have handled this big of defiance on the part of an 18 month old?

If it were my grandchild, I’d have popped her in time out for defying me.

Um hm. If it had been one of my kids I would have done the same. I forgot to check with Chris on How To Address Situations Like This, but I will.

I was a little more laid back with my daughter, and I just tried to keep her penned in via a fence or some strategically placed chairs or something. Granted, at that age, you’re not able to sit still for long because it’s a chase constantly. I didn’t do time out and I didn’t hit my daughter. I don’t think I would have done time out or hit her at 18 months for doing what your granddaughter did. That’s just me. I don’t think at 18 months they get the concept of time out. Again, just my opinion. People who disagree, please don’t jump all over me.

The only “concept” of time out is being restricted from doing what they want to do. That’s a “concept” than an 18 month old can understand. But time out for an 18 month old would be about a minute.

She would have been brought inside and not been allowed to go back out. That probably would not have been fair to big brother because he would have had to go inside too because I am guessing you wouldn’t want him outside alone or her inside alone, so I would have let him pick an activity.

I was not and am still not interested in cleverness or games where safety is concerned and I would have made that perfectly clear – even if I as secretly proud of the way her mind worked.

Yeah…problem was, we were outside so Dad could sleep. I would have put her in timeout, but wasn’t sure how she’d react. Didn’t want dad to feel like he had to get up to see what was wrong with the kid!
I agree @SuperMouse. When it come to stuff like this I don’t negotiate….(although I did in this instance just because I wasn’t sure what else to do!) This is serious stuff, man. She didn’t go in the driveway again, though.

I would have praised her for being so clever, and yet explained why it isn’t safe. Then distract the child with a game or toy in a different part of the yard.

It very difficult to simply sit and watch children play. They always want you to be actively involved with them.

Both of my youngest grandchildren have done similar things. They aren’t allowed on the enclosed patio, because it leads to the pool (which is surrounded by a child safety fence and locked gate) and yet, they constantly accidentally throw their ball or kick their toys out the door so they can go get them.

I usually have to lock the inner door, which means the dog can’t get out.

Oh man, I KNOW this kid. She’s my middle daughter, all over again. We first realized how her little mind worked at about the same age, haha.

At 18 months old, I don’t think you can necessarily expect this kind of child to follow not only the ‘letter of the law’ but the spirit of it, too. It doesn’t seem fair to punish her when she technically did exactly as you said. Now you know that you’ll just have to make the ‘letter of the law’ more explicit. In this particular case, I would have probably had to stifle a laugh and then gone on to explain that no part of her body could be in the driveway ‘space’. If she went on to defy that explicit instruction, I’d remove her from the area.

As she gets older, I’d explain that she is quite smart enough to know what I mean and I’d expect her to follow both the letter and the spirit of my instructions. Not that there ever stopped the loophole-hunting!!

@YARNLADY….she’s 18 months old. She can’t comprehend why it’s not safe, just like she couldn’t figure it out for herself. All she needs to know is that she can NOT do something, whether she understands it or not. I think “praising her for being so clever” would back fire too. That’s a lot of verbal complexity to throw at a kid who only learned to walk about 4 months ago.
And if I had kids who were “accidentally on purpose” kicking things in the pool, those things would be taken away, period, before they decide to go after them themselves which is what they’re angling for.

@augustlan, I finally got a chance to ask my son. He said usually all he has to do is stand up and bark….but he’s a guy, and much better at barking than I am. Next time she pushes the line, he said I can just put her in time out for a bit.

I would’ve put her in time out and given her big brother a treat for being a good boy and listening. She would probably cry because she won’t get a treat.
Tell her the next time Grandma tells her to stay away from the driveway than she better listen or no treat.
For the future just remind her that her and her brother will get a treat if they behave and listen. And instead of telling her that she can’t go out to the driveway, tell her that she has to stay close and come when she is called. Tell her that she will get a boo boo in the driveway and you don’t want her to get hurt.

I would have scooped her up and plopped her down on the stoop next to me and made her sit there for a couple minutes as a pseudo-time-out, so that her brother could continue playing. I’d have changed the phrasing to “Stay away from the driveway and the cars; it is not safe.” My son was quite defiant, and I wished I had heard of the 1–2–3 Magic program when he was about that age.

@Pandora Her bro was up on the porch with me. He wasn’t playing with her at all so there was nothing to reward him for. Besides, I have never used food for any kind of reinforcement, either positive or negative.
But stressing to stay away from CARS is a very good idea.

@hearkat Yeah, that was my first reaction. It’s what I would have done if I’d been certain of my footing and it’s what I will do the next time Dad isn’t around. Also, I did the 1–2-3 thing with my kids, only before there was any official program. When I implemented it, it worked well. Then one time, about a month after I started it, they were doing something mild, that didn’t really require any major reinforcement, like a slap on the hand, but I found myself counting one, two, three…and they didn’t stop. I was stuck for a second because I had to follow up on 3….so I did (albeit very lightly.) I learned that day not to do any kind of discipline impulsively. Yes, 1–2-3 worked, but only because they were absolutely certain that I was going to follow through Every. Single. Time.

It’s so interesting how children an have such different reactions. With my oldest, the slightest hint of displeasure with her put her in tears. My middle daughter would just escalate and escalate and escalate and 3 minutes in the hall would wind up to be 30 minutes in her room, with her screaming and crying. My son was took the middle road. He didn’t mind if you were unhappy with him, but he responded well, and mildly, to discipline. (One time, when I had the day care, when my son was about 4, he came in from outside and sat himself in the hall. I said, “What are you doing? I didn’t put you in time out!”
He said, “Well, when you find out what I just did you’re going to put me in time out so I thought I’d just get started.” Sigh.
I had to leave the room for a minute. You do NOT laugh at a kid when they’ve been “bad!”)

She was just testing your limits as well as hers.
Sometime explaining “why’ she cannot go or do something is needed by the child.
Some kids need to find out on their own.( usually a little older).
At her age I would let her know “what“exactly are the consequences with an immediate isolation(playpen or alone time).
She is attention seeking, and successfully getting it.

@Inspired_2write How do you figure she’s “successfully” getting attention? What would you suggest? That I ignore the behavior so she doesn’t get any “attention?”

I know the difference between having a temper tantrum to get attention, and which is often OK to ignore, and doing something that requires attention. This isn’t my first trip around this block.

Is anybody gonna fits my quesiton??

Chris, my son, came by with the kids today. Chris had gone in to use the bathroom. Rick and I were on the deck. I glanced up an Adrionna was in the drive way, walking beside the car, trailing her hand on the car. I didn’t pull any punches….I was on my feet instantly and I barked, “Adrionna! Get out of the drive way and away from the car!” I don’t have the deep voice my son has, but I still have the “MOM VOICE FROM HELL!” She looked up and saw me starting to move and she scampered out of the drive way. I went down to the yard, got down on her level looked her in the eye intensely and said, “If you go in the driveway or near the car again you will have time out.” She probably has no idea what “time out” is, but she was pretty sure, from the tone of my voice, that it was pretty bad, maybe even something fatal, and she wouldn’t like it.

@Dutchess_III At my house, time out means sitting under the dining room table. On more than one occasion, the 6 year old comes running down the hall and dives under the table. My response is “Oh, no. What now?” Once it was the curtain pulled down, and once the sliding closet door pulled off it’s track.

I don’t have an official time out spot in this house. I’ve parked a couple of kids on the stairs, though, a couple of times over the years. The grandkids just don’t warrant that much time out. They’re just good kids, and their parents are good disciplinarians.

Don’t know what Chris’ time out policy is, either. Nothing upset me more than my mother overriding my decisions regarding my kids, so I’m careful in that regard, although Chris is pretty easy going. Other than taping her to the ceiling fan and turning it on HIGH (which I threatened him with many times!...He was all for it!), he’d probably be OK with whatever I decided to do.

Two of the grandkids in time out on Mom’s day at my house, put there by my daughter. The kid on the left is her son Aden, Jaden, on the right, is her nephew, Chris’ boy. I don’t even know what they did, I just enforced it until Corrie told them they could get up. Corrie doesn’t hesitate to discipline any kid, no matter who’s it is!