By the end of the day, I want to die - and then a new one starts. What the hell is going on?

The last month I felt that way and I called the distress line, and went to the hospital, I now believe that it was the 2 jalapenos spicy teen burgers I had before bed, because last night I spent in the hospital, and I had eaten a large amount of McDonalds and I stayed so long as to eat burgers and breakfast. I called the distress line again and I spent the morning in the emergency wards beds, they gave me breakfast and I recovered quickly and walked home. I had too much time on duty keeping on a persona so I can go into politics…I needed a private area where I can relax and be myself.

Hi hon :)

Sorry for how you are feeling at this time. Don’t do anything that is permanent ok? You mean something to someone.

Unfortunately I think it is the bipolar. I’m wondering if you need more mood stabilizers? That is what I needed. The lows of bipolar can really get us and that sounds like what you are experiencing. Just try to make it through the lows until you get professional help you are doing the right thing by contacting your professional.

The problem with bipolar is that just because things are going well that does not mean you will be well, unfortunately that is why it’s classified as a disability. I’ve been suffering with it for over 18yrs.

If your suicidal feelings get too tough to bare and you can’t get a holds of your doctor, please go to the hospital. xo.

I also needed to add that maybe you are experiencing the highs not the lows after all these years I still haven’t figured out yet what is what, I was diagnosed with bipolar with psychotic depression.

Even if your doctor is out of town, he must have someone to help cover any emergency his patients may be having. Call his office and tell them the situation. I’m sure they can reach your doctor and either they will have you visit the doctor on call or maybe he can phone in a higher prescription for you in the meantime until he is back in the office.

I do not have bipolar or know of anyone who has been diagnosed but I assume like all illnesses you will have good days and bad days. If things going well was a cure then there would be no need for medication. Best of luck. Hang in there and try to get some help. Don’t sit back thinking these thoughts will magically disappear.

The effects of stress during the day are cumulative, which is why, for example, people medicate with food or TV or whatever. It sounds like the events in your day are wearing you down. True?

For me, I’ve found some resolution to similar issues in a realization that I overidentified with my thinking. The shift away from this is trickier. It means deciding that you are less your thinking mind and that your thinking mind is merely a tool in the toolbox. If you feel so inclined, take a vacation from your thinking and maybe try listening to your heart or just cultivating inner silence.

Suicide… A selfish permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think of all the people who would be so sad for years and years wondering if they could have done something. Suicide is the most selfish shortsighted solution of all possible alternatives.

Have you always felt like this? If not, then what makes you believe that you’ll always feel like this? Things change. Unless you refuse to let them change. Evolve or die.

The other way around happens with me. When I wake up it’s so bad that I wan’t myself to end! I suggest you take some sleeping pills to relax before going to bed.

Your meds might need adjusting. You can tell that you are not feeling right and that you need help. Don’t take your own life and get help as quickly as you can. We will be thinking about you.

^^^ And guilt isn’t the solution either! Suicide is a symptom of the bipolar. People with bipolar often suffer from symptoms of suicide.

It’s part of the disability, it is a mental illness. Do you guilt trip a war veteran when they are suffering suicidal thoughts from PTSD?

@serenityNOW check this out, it may be of some help to you, it helped me to know I wasn’t alone with my crazy thoughts. :)

Have you had rapid cycling bipolar episodes before? From the little I know, this sounds like it might be it. Do you have a psychiatrist separate from your therapist whom you could talk to about adjusting your meds.

Hi All – I’m writing to my shrink right now to see about boosting something. He’ll probably suggest adding more Zyprexa (anti-psychotic) to balance things out. I’ll keep everyone posted. Thanks all for the insight; I’ll try to respond more directly after I talk to him.

I wonder if a mood stabilizer would help.

@serenityNOW This program changed my life. Check this sister site from the same organization to find a facilitator.

I will also PM you.

I have my ideas, but I will have to PM you later less someone highjack it.

Good health to you. Hang in there you’re not alone.

I’m not a doctor but can’t meds cause this kind of thinking? I do hope this ends soon!

Hi all,

First of all, thanks everyone for your thoughts, good-wishes and general compassion. There’s no denying I’m in a rough spot, but sharing is sometimes very cathartic, and it’s nice to have people listen, even if it’s “virtual.”

So, I talked to my doc two days ago, and he did up my Zyprexa and my Latuda. Man, did I get some sleep! There was no tossing and turning last night; I was out like a light, which is what I’ve been hoping for, for days on end.

I was somewhat hesitant about posting all of this in the first place, for fear of sounding melodramatic or hysterical. However, I know I’m not alone on this board, and its been such a relief. I’m going to make an appointment tomorrow, and get in to see him as soon as I can. Yes, the meds help, but I want to make sure we eliminate any bigger issues(s) that may be causing this. He’s a kind and very sensible man, and has an amazing way of seeing things that I simply can’t see…

Thanks again everyone!

@serenityNOW, you don’t come across as melodramatic or hysterical at all. I’m glad the community can help you to feel less alone. We do care about you and if you need to ever reach out for some support, please never hesistate. There will always be someone here who cares. I hope you know you can always message me and I know you have other people here who you can reach out to.

Glad to hear you’ve talked to your doctor, slept better and have an appointment to see him very soon.

@serenityNOW You have never come across as melodramatic or hysterical, in fact, you are one of the most helpful people, when it comes to assisting folks who are suffering from mental illness.

Never be afraid or embarrassed to talk to us and know that we are all holding hands right now and creating a giant Fluther Safety Net to hold you up : )