If you conceived a daughter by rape, would you hate the child because of the father or love the goodness of you in the child?

I don’t get it. This makes as much sense as blaming the kid for the rape in the first place. It’s misplaced anger, and hating the child only would serve to permanently damage another innocent human being.

Hating the child, and the resulting treatment would be worse than the rape in the first place, and I believe it would be abuse, which in the US is supposed to be against the law.

You wouldn’t hate the child. It’s not the child’s fault.

I have no idea.

I don’t think I would keep the child. Kudos to the Jelly that did. So adoption or abortion… Well 10 months of preganancy, pain, discomfort, while dealing with emotional trauma and not having the typical support group…

Then add into the mix my own physical maladies, I would have to go off or reduce meds to strengthen the health of my baby. Also since my physical maladies are autoimmune the risk of passing those genes onto a child. Would I know the medical history of my rapist?

So there would be risk to me, the child, I would probably abort it.

I am not someone who embraces abortion especially frivolous abortion. However I am realistic enough to see the world is not designed for idealists.

Would I be proud of my decision, no but I would stand behind it.

A capability to love a product of ugliness is up the individual but there are so many other factors involved… that becomes almost secondary to those who take an approach that is not fully emotional and idealistic.

coathanger

I think this question is referring to my answer :/

I love my daughter. I don’t believe in abortion. I dislike the way she got here and at first I was tortured by it I actually believe it was the last thing in my life to put me enough over the edge and eventually claim me to be bipolar.

So I had a baby girl and I disliked the guy but I have forgiven him now, not the act, but I have chosen not to let him control my mind, my life and my thoughts and I’ve chosen to heal and recover from it.

My daughter was raised by a real loving father and she knew him as her father. She is an amazing woman now who wishes not to know anything about the man that made her.

She has been raised in a home of goodness with good morals and values and is a productive citizen.

I am sure I did what I was supposed to do the entire act led me away from God (I was seriously doing witchcraft on the criminal and other cultish things then I decided not to believe in God at all :/ ) but eventually all the way back into His arms.

Oh jeez….dramarama Q. lol
If you had your head on straight there is no way you could, ever, possibly hate an innocent child conceived in an act of violence. Fuck…really?

I guess I didn’t read the question correctly… Like @Coloma so aptly said there is no way you could hate the child.

I would still give it away as others would be better equipped to take of the child. I would allow for an open adoption, where when the child came of an age could contact me should it wish. If only to answer unanswerable questions.

No, but I probably wouldn’t have (or keep) the child either.

Is anybody else bothered by the term “parasite” here?

@Katniss It’s @Hypocrisy_Central being himself: a woman who would have an abortion views a fetus as a parasite and not a child.

Meh, I have a lot of friends who are biologists, and those who are mothers will often throw the term parasite around jokingly (and endearingly) when referring to pregnancy.

@Katniss hell yes!

Why don’t right-wing Republicans figure this out, and just STFU about rape and incest? Quit talking about it. Pass laws to make it easier for rapists if you must. Pass laws to ensure that women who are raped have no choice but to do your will, for you Godly White Men know what’s best for the little lady. But don’t talk about it. You are showing yourself for what you are, and the sight isn’t pretty.

In a healthy state of mind I would not hate the child but I there is no way of knowing the damage a rape will cause to my state of mind.

@Pandora The question is deliberately ill formed. Immediately after a rape, there is no child as the result of it. The question is deliberately designed to call into question actions shortly following a rape, and to judge them as if they happened as much as 9 months later. It’s an absurdity.

@ETpro Got it! Thanks. It took me about 3 times to understand what you meant. It is way past my bedtime. Glad to see someone is on the ball.

I don’t know. I would like to say no I could never hate the child, but that’s not certain. It would depend on the circumstances of the rape and my emotional state after it. If I had the child and it looked just like my attacker, I’m not sure I would be able to distance the assault from the child. It would be a constant reminder and if the assault was violent or very traumatic, I don’t know how I would respond.

I wouldn’t be psychologically able to carry the child, but it would have nothing to do with the rape.

I’m pretty sure Plan B is a part of most rape treatment, at least in my area. Of course, there are the unreported cases…

I don’t think anyone can accurately answer this question without standing in those shoes. We’d all like to think we wouldn’t hate the child, but it’s not exactly uncommon to harbor resentment for the wrong individual.

For me, conception doesn’t come easily. The child I’m carrying now was a spontaneous blessing. If it came was a product of rape, I can’t be certain whether I would be able to get am abortion or not. I think my ability to carry the child to term, my ability to keep it would depend hugely on how much I was able to heal psychologically and emotionally. whether I would have the support of my SO Would also play a role.

@Bellatrix I feel just the same way, every good intention to love the child regardless may simply fly out the window at the end of the day, how can one possibly know.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl So I had a baby girl and I disliked the guy but I have forgiven him now, not the act, but I have chosen not to let him control my mind, my life and my thoughts and I’ve chosen to heal and recover from it. (Standing in chair clapping) GOOD FOR YOU!!!

@ETpro The question is deliberately ill formed. Immediately after a rape, there is no child as the result of it. The question is deliberately designed to call into question actions shortly following a rape, and to judge them as if they happened as much as 9 months later. Are you on record to say a child could never come from a rape? That would be a “typical male answer”, wouldn’t it? The question is not ill informed if you were outside-the-box, where there is some daylight. There are possibilities where a woman could be raped and find herself with a child:

• She is too embarrassed to tell anyone. Ask some of the women of Fluther I am sure they would concur, even if begrudgingly so.
• She may not have the money to do get rid of it, and because of the former bullet point, not ask for help.
• Block it from her mind, or tells herself it never happened.
• Because she told herself it never happened she is too far along and there is not a doctor near her who is comfortable terminating a pregnancy that late.
• She is in a remote area and have no way to travel to get it done by time she finds out.

I am sure there are more possibilities, but that is enough. The question is not about rape but a child to keep or not in spite of its origin. You can always answer questions like “What do I name my pet turtle” and I am sure you will not find any controversy, and you can actually have an answer instead as oppose to commentary to try to debunk the question you don’t like and never intended to answer in the first place.

I was raped at 15 and had my son at 16. I had both the time and the money to “suck the parasite… out of my body”, as you put it, but that ran contrary to my ethical and religious beliefs.

I look at my kid and see my kid. I adore him.

That said, it’s been the most difficult thing I could imagine. I slightly knew the biological father… and I “see” him sometimes in my kid. We have some differences that I don’t understand (I intellectually understand. He’s just different than me). He is now the age at which I was when I had him. That hurts. More than I could have expected. More than you could guess.

I was a kid. I see my missed adolescence when I see him. I have a husband and baby now. I think of how I was preparing and learning about parenthood at my son’s age. I was terrified. I cried myself to sleep every night for over a year. Slowly it became a few nights a week. Then weekly. The crying at night came back when he started his junior year in high school. It’s not often now, but it happens.

The differences in my ability to parent each of my kids is painful. I did the best I could have done, given the circumstances. All parents do. But I see my son struggle and I wish/cry that he could have had more.

The people who can’t get over themselves as parents frustrate me. I gave up everything I could have given up. I learned to parent before I learned to take care of myself. I’ve done my best to forgive and not speak harshly of his biological father’s family. I’ve been honest in a developmentally appropriate way. I’ve not been on welfare. I’ve worked my way through college. I’ve worked crap jobs with educational benefits. I gave up medical school. I gave up having a career. It hurts sometimes.

Also, I feel alone. I feel judged because I was so young. I have thoughts and feelings that I don’t know if anyone else can relate to.

Maybe I would have felt differently if I had a daughter. I have no way of knowing. But I was terrified to have a boy. I had barely seen a penis before I gave birth.

@Cupcake That said, it’s been the most difficult thing I could imagine. I slightly knew the biological father… and I “see” him sometimes in my kid. I applaud your effort and sacrifice. However, if I may ask, when you see ”him” in your son, has it ever spawned feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger, etc, even if it was misdirected at your son because he had half of ”his” genes in him, and ”he” was the reason you had your son and not a medical career?

@Cupcake although I did not have a son I had a daughter I think I relate to you in some of the way you feel.

I was 17 when I had my daughter. I also learned to parent before I learned to take care of myself. I finished part of my school year at a school for pregnant girls because I didn’t want to go back to school.

Ironically I was on the birth control pill. But I happened to still get pregnant. Back then there was no such thing as the day after pill.

Also just to add to @Hypocrisy_Central if both people do not have protection and the male can make children and the female can carry children and the male finishes the act then it is possible that he will impregnate the woman it will just be without her permission. Conception can actually occur in about 30 min. So yes technically in about 30 min after the act a women could be with child, and then faced with the choice of what to do depending on her morals and values. I myself do not believe in abortion and though the choice was given to me I could not accept it.

@Hypocrisy_Central I see you are up to your usual debate techniques, inventing straw men then inserting them into someone else’s mouth so you can ride forth to defeat them. Your words that you tried to put in my mouth, “Are you on record to say a child could never come from a rape?” I never in my life have said anything that would even suggest I held such an absurd opinion. That notion is pretty much unique to your side of the political spectrum in the US, and not mine. If you insist on talking for me, debate yourself.

@Hypocrisy_Central It’s a very difficult question to answer. I have certainly felt those feelings of bitterness, anger and resentment. I have been intelligent and dutiful enough to keep them separate from my feelings for my son… probably 99.999% of the time.

To put it numerically… perhaps one twinge of bitterness/anger/resentment misdirected at my son for a second every year or two. Immediately reconciled.

@ETpro Immediately after a rape, there is no child as the result of it. You did say that, did you not? If that is not to say that after a rape a child cannot result of it, are you trying to say _immediately after he pulls out a child has not been conceived because the sperm has not had a chance to find the fertile egg yet _? If you did not mean it as you said it, then it is rather nebulous.

inventing straw men then inserting them into someone elses mouth so you can ride forth to defeat them. No, I do not have men of straw, they are all steel baby!!!! I am not putting anything in anyone’s mouth they haven’t said, I will ask them to clarify any nebulous statements they make. No, I am not trying to ride forth and defeat them. If they say something, I want to know why they said it, is it their logic or they just spewing talking points of some other group or individual’s. Defeat them, what would I gain? I will leave any defeat they will have to those they may follow unconsciously.

@Cupcake @Hypocrisy_Central It’s a very difficult question to answer. I know, and thank you for your honest answer. I have known women who came to admit they resented their child because the father left, it was not a rape involved. Because they seen so much of the father in the child, those feelings of betrayal by the father carried over to the kid as if they could somehow transport it to him through the genes and likeness the child had of the father. Not to rag on the child in situations like that, especially when there is a rape is certainly not easy. Commend your handling of the situation.

@Hypocrisy_Central I’m talking about immediately after a rape. There is no child immediately after a rape. Isn’t it obvious from context what I am saying? If there is to be a viable child, that happens 9 months later, or nearly that. For all reported rapes, the morning after pill is offered as an option. There is also early-term abortion as an option where a surprise pregnancy occurs or the person raped, for whatever reason, did not report it.

Now, to be very clear, I do not in any way agree with Christian-Right Republican, Todd Akin, who famously said, “Well you know, people always want to try to make that as one of those things, well how do you, how do you slice this particularly tough sort of ethical question. First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

All rape is illegitimate and a crime of violence, a crime of dominance. And the female body has no way to “shut that whole thing down.” Pregnancies due to rape are not the fault of the victim.

@ETpro that is exactley what I thought you meant, and I’m sorry but I beg to differ. As I said above:

“if both people do not have protection and the male can make children and the female can carry children and the male finishes the act then it is possible that he will impregnate the woman it will just be without her permission. Conception can actually occur in about 30 min. So yes technically in about 30 min after the act a women could be with child, and then faced with the choice of what to do depending on her morals and values. I myself do not believe in abortion and though the choice was given to me I could not accept it.”

Read some of these pro life slogans because back in my town when I did get pregnant the only clinic that I knew of almost always had people standing in front of it with any number of these signs.

Even today in the little town that Justine Bieber was born in they still organize what they call peaceful protests, and I don’t know if I agree but I think this is at least much better than it used to be and when I was first pregnant doctors were being threatened sometimes shot and clinics were being bombed.

If you have the time you can always read the “history on Canadian abortion”: it’s an interesting read.

@ETpro @Hypocrisy_Central I’m talking about immediately after a rape. There is no child immediately after a rape. Isn’t it obvious from context what I am saying? If there is to be a viable child, that happens 9 months later, or nearly that. For all reported rapes, the morning after pill is offered as an option. There is also early-term abortion as an option where a surprise pregnancy occurs or the person raped, for whatever reason, did not report it. Seeing that we are not intelligent enough here to go off context, let us split hairs right down to the last syllable. There is only a developing child possible soon after a rape. Preemies are being saved earlier, and earlier by modern medicine. A viable child is possible before nine months, thought you knew that. When I said “for some reason did not have time or means” covered the fact she was too embarrassed to report it and maybe waited too long, did not want to wade through a protest line, or had no doctors in the area that wanted to do it, or no money to do it. I am sure there are a few other reasons she might not have had time to rid herself of the problem; we can spend the next 600 words doing an absolute exhaustive treatment so we can over every last contingency then you won’t have to bother with context for every last iota will be spelled out.

Now, to be very clear, I do not in any way agree with Christian-Right Republican, Todd Akin,
OK he means nothing to me; I don’t even know who he is. I don’t follow the party of Twiddle Dee or Twiddle Dumb. True Christians are neither Republican nor Democrats. We are not citizen of this world but the Kingdom that is to come, we are just stuck here while this fleshy tend we inhabited is alive.

All rape is illegitimate and a crime of violence, a crime of dominance. And the female body has no way to “shut that whole thing down.” Pregnancies due to rape are not the fault of the victim.
(Looking out to left field) Who said anything about rape not being a crime or that the victim was at fault? Surely not I. Where that statement came from and how you are applying it to the question you lost me.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl Differ any time you wish and no need to apologize. Personally, I think the woman who must bear the child has the best grasp on the decision, not some preacher of politician.

@Hypocrisy_Central Thanks for being clear that you believe a fertilized egg becomes a person the moment it’s fertilized. I do not believe that. It’s a living thing at that point, but not much more human than a paramecium.

As to who said anything about the victim being at fault, Todd Akin did, and even though you claim to not have a clue who he is, it was he that spoke the words you falsely attributed to me.