@KNOWITALL Honestly, I think it is ridiculous to make a party alcohol free for them. The only time I might consider doing something like that is if a dear relative had just been through addiction treatment, and would hope evryone would understand I wanted to remove the temptation. But, as someone who personally does not drink, I would never expect other people not to drink in my presence or at a party. If I invited my Mormon friends over who don’t drink, I would not make a party alcohol free, and I can’t imagine they would expect that at one of my parties. I would be extremely bothered if anyone tried to get them to drink. Some drinkers do that, “aw come on, just have one, loosen up.” I find that behavior disgusting, and I assume those people are alcoholics whether they deserve the label or not, it becomes my assumption about them unless they prove me wrong somehow.
Are they the only family members who don’t drink? In my family and my husband’s alcohol usually is not at family dinners, even holiday celebration If it is offered or brought out, still maybe half the people partake. Bigger events like a “party” or wedding would be different, alcohol would be out, ready for the taking, offered, but still not everyone would be drinking. If they are uncomfortable around people who drink, aren’t there some relatives they can stay more attached to who aren’t drinking?
I really don’t think them not helping your mom means they don’t care, but I completely understand why your mom feels that way and why she is upset with their choices. Very religious people often remove themselves from their families that are not from the same religion. It doesn’t need to be an outright cut off, but they become more involved, almost more loyal to the community from their church community. Some religions prescribe it, while some it is more subtle. Interactions with people from outside the community can have negative influences, they might especially feel this way if they have children. Spouses might worry about the other spouse being influenced, etc.
Some strict religious Jews will declare their child dead if he leaves the orthdox community. Jehovah Witnesses are supposed to ostracize a relative or friend who leaves the church, the Amish shun family that leave the community. These are extremes, but there are less extreme insidious ways this kind of thing can manifest itself. I think if you and your mom can try to understand them, maybe you would feel better, be more forgiving of their limitations. I don’t mean limits out on them by the church, but limitations in their own psyche. For some reason they need to align themselves this way. If it is possible to communicate with them to allow them to explain their position while showing respect for their feelings, at least you all can be heard, but I realize that might be very difficult. Especially if they have some guilt, they will most likely jump to be defensive.
Your uncle and his wife put God first I would think, even before family, which is against God in my opinion, but probably not in theirs. It is written in Timothy if I remember correctly that not being responsible for our families is worse than not believing in God.
Composing members:
0
