The consensus on Fluther is men and women for the most part don't want sex on the first date, but both sexes indicate there are pressure from their date?

“So what is behind the presumption and pressure. Is there a need to prove you had a good date?” Pop culture?

End the date if you (not you personally) feel the slightest hint of pressure. That is the long and short of it, IMO.

I am in a committed relationship with a woman, so the issue is not relevant for me at this time.

I will comment based on several years of being single and perhaps occasionally indiscriminate about my choice of sexual partners.

My observation about women who were eager for sex on the first date was that they were either bored masturbators who wanted to introduce some variety into their experiments in sexual stimulation, or they were uncertain about their attractiveness and desirability, and needed to affirm it by engaging in sex with a willing partner.

I never really met a first date sexual partner who I thought had both feet totally on the ground. At the time, that fact did not bother me. But I suppose now that I am an official grown up, it means something.And I am not saying that is a universal truth. I know better.
But that is my answer.

I’ve never felt pressure from a date. We talk, decide how far we’re going, and then proceed from there. Communication is always the key.

I’m only pressured for sex when dating Fluther babes.

Lots of licentious ladies roun’hya.

The only times I felt pressured for sex wasn’t on actual dates, but from guys trying to pick me up. They didn’t get any.

When I was dating, I felt comfortable to move at my own pace, and those whom I wanted didn’t have to wait long.

These findings are only paradoxical if Fluther is a representative sample of the people in your population. It’s probably not.

@Adirondackwannabe That’s pretty much my approach as well. Communication.
Never been on that many dates, and most of the ones I have been on went quite well. Never felt pressured to have sex, nor have I made anyone feel that way. I’d say in my experiences of dating, the worse experiences come after dating when the ice is broken and you’re a couple, like weeks or months later. Went out with this guy when I was 19, and he hit me in the face. That was the end of that, I tell you what lol. But that’s only one instance out of the few relationships I’ve had. All my other relationships went pretty good due to communication, during dating and after. Thing is, people can change, or really become themselves when they get ’‘settled in’’ and comfortable. guess I failed pretty bad with the one boyfriend who slapped me
But shit happens, people make mistakes, people learn. Or don’t. But I’ve rarely heard of dating experiences being anything like in movies.
Also, it has to be said, sometimes I get rejected by video game characters. You know, because usually everything I say on here is just some obscure, non funny joke. :)

I don’t think I’ve ever felt pressure to have sex on a first date/meeting. I tend to be the aggressor in these situations, which isn’t all that common for a female, but I don’t think I’ve ever pressured anyone, either. I did put the moves on a guy I didn’t realize was gay one time, and was rebuffed. But there was no pressure.

I’ve been known to have sex on a first date…in fact, sometimes that was my actual purpose for making the date in the first place. If I wanted to, we did; if I didn’t, we didn’t.

@flo Ok, a possibility but do you have any thoughts as to when this became popular culture? Is it a constant and why when everything else rises and falls? The Expert

@josie Interesting and I am neither dis/agreeing but when you engaged in first date sex when you were younger were you also in your opinion, as you said “unbalanced”? The Judge

@Adirondack I can’t dispute your personal history, it is hard for me to believe there was never a circumstance… however since I am not about to call you a liar I will add the qualifier “effective” to communication. For some people that is more natural then others. Lucky you. Team Player

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies You just stumbled on the next marketing campaign of Fluther inc. The Salesman

@hearkat You must be a good judge of character. : ) The Human Lie Detector

@glacial I knew someone would raise that point. Eh. My answer probably more than half the studies and polls given are not representative of the grouping they are supposed to encompass. Seeing as this is just for kicks…I can take as many leaps as I want to. Even if I get called on it. :) The Logician

@Symbeline Ah you have seemingly covered all ground and pawned us all through groundwork. Much xp to you. The Sage

@augustlan The dominatrix of fluther… and the real world. I like it. It feels so good to go after what you want directly and without apologies. The GoGetter

*I am blaming the labels on symbeline she got me started on WoW references which I then felt stupid for getting caught on because well its WoW. But my brain filtered out those labels and replaced them with new ones for most of you… I had to see if I could do it for all based on this one answer. And it was easy except for two people. I meant it as a field exercise and purely for funzies(stolen from KNOWITALL without her permission). Feel free to paste labels on me if so inclined, though I meant none of them negatively.

Hey, I get to be ’‘The Sage’’, that’s awesome. :) Never played WoW though lol

^^ : ) That is perfectly Ok I am ashamed to have played it years ago….

@Unbroken ”...do you have any thoughts as to when this became popular culture?”

“Objectification”, “meat markets,” etc. So I guess whenever those terms got coined? I’m not sure. But we’re supposed to sleep with him/her on the first date then find out that this person isn’t a “charming” date raper or any kind of gruesome person I guess.~

@Unbroken
No . Just horny. And I still am, but I have more self respect these days.

@flo You do present the paradox well and your conclusion is appears clear. I add the qualifier only because it is a hypothesis and unproven. Thanks for your contribution.

@josie Eh experience can bring growth. Not to argue your personal convictions but a simple response: women also are horny and self respect like any type of respect worth giving is earned.

@Unbroken – I used to be a supreme bullshitter and was able to develop excuses and rationalizations for anything in order to avoid personal accountability. I’ve given up those ways and am much freer and happier than I imagined I could ever be, and I have developed an excellent ability to detect bullshit.

Sleeping with someone you don’t know is not related to is not self respecting, or equality, or freedom, (no different from eating the most garbage of food or smoking, in the of freedom) although misogynists, expert rationalizers, et al would like to convince us otherwise.

@Unbroken where is the paradox in my post?

@flo Sleeping with someone you don’t know because you want to has nothing to do with self-respect or the lack thereof. Doing what you want is about freedom.

@hearkat That actually made me laugh. I get called out as a bullshitter quite readily among a few friends. Not usually on a personal accountability issue.. but yeah… bull shitters anon… I am reforming. But there can be a level of fun esp if both parties are aware and willing to verbally tango.

@flo I wasn’t clear, let me try again. The paradox as presented by me and doesn’t exist for some people was in the question. Your hypothesis made sense and was reasonable.

@augustlan Sigh, some people will never understand. I understand but I can’t always pull it off, all those judgements imposed by society at large become too resounding on most occasions, I found if you can’t believe it 100% 24/7 it doesn’t work. So I am stuck somewhere in the middle. Envying you, your freedom.

So, all someone has to do is make me believe that I want to be abused.

@flo How on earth do you equate: “Hm, I like this guy. I like sex. I want to have sex with this guy.” to: “I want to be abused.”?

As a person who was, in fact, sexually abused throughout my childhood, I find it incredibly offensive that you think that is in any way comparable to me doing what I want to do.

@flo That having sex alone is something only a man is interested in is a false premise.
Women, and when I say women I am talking about myself but I am aware there are likeminded individuals out there as well completely agree with auggie in that sex is fantastic and speaking from my pov.

Yes I prefer to have at least famliarity or level of comfort and ease but sometimes that just isn’t going to happen and its either go wo or accept a little less. And sometimes I luck out and that feeling of ease and such is just right there at the on set.

Sometimes I felt a little like the user. Mixed feelings on that to be perfectly honest and now I just stay away from those situations.

In fact I look back on those times where I just chose to be celiabate refusing advances because I felt I instantly judged that the thing would be short lived or a one nighter and asked myself… what is the point. Now that I relearning how fantastic sex is. How it really just is great on so many levels and I ask myself why the hell not?! I am not even certain I want a mate. I mean I look at how content I am in cooking for myself that my kitchen doesn’t have any products I am allergic to no cross contamination. I have my house clean to my standards and decorated to my taste everything is where it should be. I sleep when I want to I have the bed to myself. Im free to come and go as I please. What am I holding out for other then just being comfortable with the person… it is not like they are applying for a position in my life. Sex is not a tool to be brought and used it is a gift. a thing of joy and something to be shared.

@Unbroken Nice. That’s how life should be lived.

And I certainly don’t ever want to forget it again!

If I want to cross the street without looking around, if it makes me feel good it must be, ...?

@flo Well, that would be a pretty big risk to take, now wouldn’t it? Don’t be ridiculous. Exactly what harm do you think has come to me from sleeping with who I wanted to, when I wanted to?

Being able to discriminate from high risk and low risk and evaluate the worth is basic decision making 101.

Exactly why you don’t sleep with someone who creeps you out. :p

Low risk, or high risk ? Subjective. If I let my base instincts lead me, just about everything is low risk..
Fill in the blank,:
Deabting without telling me your personal history is basic….101

…correcting myself: …If I let my base instincts lead me, just about everything would seem low risk” and spelling error: Debating…

Please don’t talk in riddles. Again, @flo, my very simple question is: Exactly what harm do you think has come to me from sleeping with who I wanted to, when I wanted to?