Can Extroverts and Introverts accept one another and successfully coexist in our society?

I both dislike and like conformity I do have for example certain expectations of how people will behave in a given place. I also enjoy those that dare to be different. I came from a country before the one I am in, that did not expect conformity, your shaved heard would not even be noticed. I am now in a place where everyone conforms to everything I feel tight, suffocated and frustrated. There has to be a middle ground. I think all personalities make this world and have a place to teach one another.

I identify as extrovert, meaning that I feel energised and uplifted by being in busy social situations. Being alone bores me.

I don’t understand the connection between extroversion/introversion and conformity or “selling yourself” though. As far as I can see, they are three entirely different things.

I agree with @downtide . You seem to be questioning two things. Introversion and extroversion do not necessarily relate to conformity. I vaccilate between the two personality types and get along well with both introverts – one of my very best friends – and extroverts – another. I think we need both in society; after all, we need introverts to listen to the extroverts! As far as conformity, it is never been a big issue for me persoanally. I guess I don’t deviate from the norm in looks as least, but I do know it can be an issue for some people in small towns. For a while in his teens, my son was “that boy with blue hair who mows the lawn on P- Avenue”, but that never bothered me.

I, too, don’t grasp why you are connecting introversion/extroversion to conformity/non-conformity.

I am an introvert and an independent critical thinker. There have been times when I’ve bucked the trends, like in 1982, when I buzzed my hair down to about 1” long – not completely shaved, but it might as well have been in the disco days. The other “punk girl” in my high school was (and is) very extroverted. I think the two are mutually exclusive.

Introverts and extroverts can get along in society. Introverts are ok with letting the extroverts make all the hoopla – as long as they do it somewhere else. Meanwhile, we’re living our own lives and serving some social purpose below the surface of society.

@LornaLove Yes balance is a beautiful thing. Though time equals change and change means an upheaval in the boat so to speak. Our job is to right it without stifling progress.

@downtide You are correct I didn’t make the connection very clearly. Thanks for pointing that out to me. All would be answered if you read the book, lol. Ok well I haven’t gotten but a couple chapters in but I will try to summerize the pertinent details in relation to the connection.

According to the book, around the 1920’s marketing changed in America. It shifted from product centered ads to selling an image and idea of success if you bought said product.

Along with that was industralization and the growth of cities. With the growth the cities and people being strangers a new pressure was exerted, to sell one’s self, and with it came the creation of new ideals and buzzwords: confident, magnetism, charm, allure, xfactor….. Our heroes became movie stars, who in order to live with constant scrutiny have become largely carictures… sorry I know I am making typing errors but its past 300 am and my eyes are fuzzy brain is slow.

But instead of resisting the pressure we all buy into it. There seemingly is little to no resistance. So now quiet means maladaptive, our new buzz words are collaberate, team work, network, group sessions, and these aren’t the best examples… better one’s in the morning.

And because success has become so narrowly defined, wealth, recognition, power, interlinked and how better to display wealth and strengthen power then buying the best brands….. buy emulating the latest fashions, “I am up to date” I care for my appearance.. etc… People we respect we mimic, and the world feels full of mockingjays…talking without thinking presenting images instead of positions and plans (politicians)....

Goodnight I promise I will make more sense in the morning…After I add the qualifier this is not a rant about extroverts… Most are very likeable some of them are intelligent and gatherings might be awkward without them…

As an aside, a mutual friend named my good extroverted friend “party in a box” and it is a treat to have her at a gathering. She livens things up. But she is not a narcissist and she is a great listener. I think the two qualities are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

@Unbroken Thanks for the expanded description of the book. I still don’t see where introversion and extroversion come into the equation.

The definition of an introvert is someone who is stressed by social situations and regains energy from being alone. An extrovert is someone who is stressed by solitude and regains energy from social situations.

How exactly do these things tie in with what’s in the book? Or does the book define introversion and extroversion incorrectly?

One chooses how to present themselves. Whether they choose to be influenced by marketing or social pressures is not an introvert/extrovert trait, either. I don’t “buy into” marketing because I ignore it. I rarely turn on the television. I don’t read magazines. I choose how to dress and wear my hair based on what I like on me. If we passed on the street, you would judge me based on that appearance as a frumpy middle-aged woman, and I wouldn’t care. You might pass another woman and judge her as “successful” because she looks more put-together, but she might have no higher education and may be dependent on men to pay for all the glitz, and she may spend hours every day being a slave to her appearance. But if that is what works for her, so be it.

Perhaps the concept of ‘locus-of-control’ is more aligned to the points you’re making… people who believe that their success and happiness (as well as their struggle and misery) come from external sources are more likely to be concerned with appearance and selling themselves. Those who have an internal locus-of-control are less influenced by or concerned with the outside world, and choose independent of social influences. Internal/external locus-of-control is a different concept than introvert/extrovert.

Introverts and extroverts can and do interact and work well with each other. One often complements the other.

Differences in appearance initiates curiosity and sometimes concern. I believe we are biologically and culturally ‘programed’ to notice things that are unfamiliar. Some cultures, reacting out of fear, encourage the rejection of people who appear to be not one of them. Others are more tolerant.

I’m pretty far to the introvert side of the spectrum. I love being around people, but it’s hard for me to hold up my end in most social interactions. The pressure of having to fill conversational space tires me out very quickly. Classic introvert stuff. I actually find that being around extroverts relieves some of that pressure for me. They’re usually quite happy to take up the slack, and I can kick back and enjoy the show. Introverts make the perfect audience for extroverts.

The important thing is that all parties accept that introversion is a perfectly valid way to be. As soon as I feel that I’m expected to be something other than I am, things go south quickly.

I think that every one of us is introverted AND extroverted to different degrees as well as when in different environmental surroundings.

We are temporarily (for a month) living in Brooklyn, NY. On the street, almost 100% of people walking by will NEVER even make eye contact, making everyone appear almost pathologically introverted. But as soon as you step into a grocery store (or whatever), strangers will instantly be as helpful, polite and friendly as they typically are anywhere else in the country.

Go back to the street, and everyone is staring at the sidewalk again….

I am an ENTP female, extroverted, intuitive, thinking, perceiving, personality type.
The introverted/extroverted dichotomy has no bearing on such. A better field of study would be personality theory and how certain predispositions play out in the individual based on temperament.
As far as shaving your head, one does not have to go to such great lengths as a show of non-conformity.

As always, those that are truly living in harmony with themselves do not feel a need to showcase their differences. Obviously if one goes to extremes in an attempt to aggrandize their non-conformity, this has much more to do with ego than any true adherence of ones own inner truth. True non-conformists do not give a flying fuck about showcasing their non-conformist outlook by pandering to the shock value factor.

Either an introvert or an extrovert might dance on a table at a party. The difference is, the extrovert will dance have fun all night long, because he/she is invigorated by all those people, while the introvert will go home at 10:00 pm because he/she has had enough.

This question is based on false dichotomies. There aren’t the supposed divides in the premise. Extroverts and introverts more than coexist, in may cases it is symbiotic. Conformity/non-conformity is also not inherently opposite, it’s a matter of preference and self view, but that is a self view and not a societal view. To quote from Life of Brian, “we’re all individuals!”

And the reaction I get from the post is that you are trying to create controversy where controversy doesn’t really exist.

As a psychologist, I can confirm that the characteristics of conformity and introversion/extroversion are not strongly correlated. Most assessment tools find that these traits consistently account for unique amounts of variance.

What that means is that extroverts can just as easily be conformist as they could be non-conformists. The same is true for introverts.

Non-conformist behaviour tends to create more discomfort among people you do not yet know because such behaviour often results in unwarranted inferences based on superficial characteristics.

Societal norms are those held by the majority. Both sociology and social psychology discuss and explain the consequences of violating such norms.

Going against the grain involves greater risk and sometimes greater opportunity, depending on the nature of the deviation from common practice.

The Bill Gates and Sir Richard Bransons of this world are excellent examples of how non-conformity can result in unimagined success. Domestic terrorists are examples of pathological non-conformity. Conformity does not preclude success any more than non-conformity alone predicts it.

Intelligence, knowledge and various combinations of social skills all play important roles in the outcomes achieved by non-conformists and conformists alike.

It does always seem that extroverts always try to push their agenda on introverts. I’m always seeing information about converting from introversion to extroversion, but never vice versa. I’ve never understood why people just can’t accept others for being different from themselves. Not all people get energy from extroverted personal affair discussions or gossip, and not all people need to advertise themselves.

Conformity can be a very dangerous thing, but in the end society needs all types of people to flourish. I can agree with conformity when we accept that our society consists of different types of people, and when it involves working with each other rather than trying to force people to think alike.

@Dr Lawrence Do you believe that the Myers-Briggs distinction is valid — that introverts and extroverts are people who regroup and find energy in different ways?

If an introvert and extrovert share the same miserable, exhausting day at the office, the extrovert will head straight for Happy Hour, while the introvert just wants to go home, read a book, and soak in the bathtub. Both people may have behaved very similarly during the workday, but they recover differently. The extrovert is energized by other people; the introvert needs some time alone.

Your thoughts?

Of course they can coexist in our society and have for centuries!
Without extroverts leading the way, the introverts would never had progressed.
Also IF one extrovert is not feeling acceptance in a conservative rural town, then maybe either type would feel accepted in an area that is predominent of their type better.
Also I wonder IF both types become more complacent as they age and accept their differences?

@janbb I totally agree we need both extro/inroverts. Also side note I didn’t say anything about my response or feelings on the hair and perhaps it was a over all a poor example profound to me and linked because of the timing but overall unrelate-able to people in this forum.

@downtide You are correct that is the most basic and fundamental description of the differences. What the book goes into is the pressure and the struggle of the introverts to conform. There are almost too many personal ways I can expound on this and she gave many examples. Harvard Business School is a dramatic one but even in childhood there are pressures from teachers and parents to conform to be seen and heard to interact in groups. Networking, team building, assertiveness, small talk, performance. All examples better linked to extroverts and I as introvert dreaded in the past and either have been pressured to learn techniques to improve or to find a way to adapt around them. But they leave me and others drained. It takes large amount of energy to be in the spot light or demand attention. This has nothing to do with confidence.

From the mouth of Susan Cain

@hearkat Maybe. But there are many references to dressing for a job or image. To project the person you are. Many here have commented on it. So maybe you found a job where your dress is automatically in line with your job and presentation. (To paraphrase a line out of Walden.) Some do take it to the extreme.

I will respond to the rest later

If I must label myself I am an ambivert. I neither fully shun nor embrace society but rather accept what is before my eyes. I do not mean I am without my own assumptions nor prejudice. We all assume from birth. A baby is quiet in his mothers or in the arms of someone who looks or sounds like his mother, but may cry in a strangers arms. We use our 5 senses to determine what is safe and what is not. So when people are completely out of character of what we perceive as normal, then we will judge and either pull back or fight in fear or go forward and investigate further to see if we need fear this abnormal thing.

You also give society too much credit. Our lives are busy and it is simple to conform and move on with our days. Most of us are lazy creatures of habit. Only dealing with what is normally known to us and discarding what is different. The truth I believe that there are really few extraverts and introverts. Put a bunch of extroverts into a room together and they will fight to leave the room after a few hours. They each vie to be The only Rose in a garden. Put a bunch of introverts into a room and they would each die to leave the room. It is too crowded and too boring. So the extraverts and the introverts need each other only in small doses. The ambivert is a little for both, needing times to be alone and digest the world around them and needing time to simply let things go and enjoy what is without much thought.

As an ambivert, I find that there is no such thing as normal or abnormal but usual and unusual. I do not conform all the time but I do not fight all the time either. To conform to societies whims 24/7 would be exhausting but to fight it would also be exhausting. No does either 100 percent of the time. Lets take Ghandi. To be heard he must live a peaceful life 100% of the time. So he is conforming to society’s ideas of what a peaceful person is, while using peaceful methods to oppose society.

My point is we are all so different and yet we are all the same. We all have biases, set ideas about what comforts us, what gives us fear, and we each use our senses to make those determinations. The world you would have us want, we would have to be blind, deaf and lack a sense of smell and dumb.

I find it interesting when a self proclaimed non conformist thinks the world should conform to accept them as normal when they fight to be recognized as being different.

Well, actually, my Meyers Briggs type, the ENTP are known to be the most introverted of the extroverts. lol
When I am “on” I am really on, and when I am off, I am off. I go in about 3 day cycles, I can be in turbo charge mode, extremely social, a laugh a minute, as my type are most often entertainers and comedians, but then.,..I just want to go to my woman cave for an equal amount of time. haha
Knowing your type is but one other avenue of self discovery and self knowledge.

I find the Myerss-Briggs typologies to be interesting but I think people put too much emphasis on their supposed predictive value.

^I agree @Dr_Lawrence. I studied psychology for a few units in my undergraduate degree and one of the things we covered were a variety of ‘personality’ tests. I always felt the danger was people would pigeonhole themselves based on the results. Plus, I would really not want my employers making decisions about roles I should take on, or how I’m likely to react, based on a series of questions I answered on a particular day. I’ve done the Myers-Briggs survey and fell well in the middle of the extrovert spectrum and that fits with my own understanding of extrovert traits. The other elements fit me (ENFP) and I’ve got the same outcome multiple times but I’m a complex human being and there’s much more to me (and everyone else) than this test covers.

My Myers-Briggs scores are different every time I take them. I’ve found that as my personality has evolved, I now fall in the middle on those scales. I still self-identify as an introvert, because although I am more comfortable in social situations, I still prefer to be alone and I do what I can to avoid crowds.

@Unbroken – What one wears to work and whether it suits their personal style is still not an introvert/extrovert issue. Conservative styles as opposed to trendy or flashy styles appeal to people of different personality types. I work in healthcare, so conservative dress is expected. I view clothing pragmatically as a layer against the elements, and I dress for comfort. I do not fuss with my hair or makeup, because I am not trying to impress people with looks… I know that I have far more to offer the world than a pretty face and hair, luscious cleavage or curvy calves – whether I’m at work or out to dinner. Even in a conservative work environment, one can add flair with color or accessories. If one’s work skills are very good and they practice good hygiene, the issue of personal style becomes secondary.

@SadieMartinPaul I agree with your example wholeheartedly. I’ll be at the Happy Hour, if anyone wants me. ;)

Sorry for the late reply. I was enjoying another great weekend and didn’t find much computer time.

@Bill1939 I think you are right. They do often complement each other. But the world or at least America has become geared toward rewarding and giving the extrovert respect and often products and entertainment as well.