I love my American partner, but there are things about the U.S. that I can't stomach, what's a girl to do?

Remember you’re dating the person not the nation.

Yes, but I’ll be living amongst some of its people.

Have your partner move to Canada?

You need about 20 grand to do that. Don’t have it at the moment.

There are things about Canada that I don’t like, I don’t hold them against my Canadian friends. You can either learn to look past what you dislike about the country or find a new partner. You will probably get more satisfaction out of the former than the latter.

Come over to the dark side. LOL
I’m sure canadians have their flaws as well. I love the US. It isn’t perfect but I haven’t seen evidence that there is a perfect nation anywhere else. There are some states that are better than others. Can you move to a state that is maybe a bit more progressive?

I think it’s a catch-22. If you move to the states you lose your free health care plan but you gain freedom. If your partner moves here she gains a free health care plan depending on which part of the states you move to same sex marriage may not be legalized in many parts in Canada, or maybe all I’m not sure I haven’t traveled around to see, at least we believe in equality. :)

Well that last line just sounds wrong, it should just all be equal everywhere some lady just married a bridge in France for goodness sakes! People should be able to marry people anywhere in the world, right? That’s all I mean.

What about the US can’t you stomach?

Move to a place in the US with a large Canadian population, like Buffalo.

@Mama_Cakes, Canada is what the U.S. will become if it ever grows up. If I were Canadian, I’d never leave.

Marry in the U.S, live there a bit, and then go back to Canada with your spouse.

From what I’ve heard, getting a visa for a married couple is much easier than it is for a fiancee. But this is based on information that I have from a German friend, who is in a similar situation.

What would the 20 grand pay for?

Can’t she come on a defacto visa or a skilled visa? those aren’t 20k are they?

I feel your pain. I honestly don’t think I could live in the US.

@glacial being in a remote location and having a good internet connection helps, but it’s not the most ideal living situation, I’ll admit.

Two weeks with no contact with the outside world can turn you a little batty.

Her only complaint is taxes. She would like to open her own business.

I had no idea what your Mat leave was like. Over in Canada, we get a year for maternity leave.

@hiraeth Been there, done that, and I tend to agree. ;)

Actually where you live and how happy you are depends on you. When my husband was in the military, I was miserable for many years after having left NYC. No place could match what I had grown use to as a child and young adult. When I went to Japan, I had decided that I wasn’t going to let others tell me how I should feel about a place and that I would explore and make where ever I go my new home. Or better yet. Home was my family. I found that when it was time to leave that Japan had taken a hold of my heart. It wasn’t perfect but I adapted to my surroundings instead of expecting my surroundings to adapt to me.
You want the US to be Canada and it is not. So instead of making yourself miserable, why not look for the good around you and expand from their.

I grew up in the bronx. People who went their could not believe how people were. But in my neighborhood, we all knew each other and even the vendors. Yes there were dangers but it was a real community. I know of two almost kidnappings that were stopped because a stranger stepped in. I know I was almost mugged and rescued by strangers as well. I loved the transit that allowed me much freedom and the theaters and movies and broadway and museums. There was always something to do and you could find almost anything to buy.

Yes people could be scary but it happens in a big city. Just look at 9/11. Countless of volunteers from the city helped out during the tragedy. There is good and bad wherever you go. In some places, it may look all sweet to everyone else but evil people know how to blend in and you never know where you are going to bump into them.

Great post. Thank-you!

It was a great post, @Pandora.

There, not their. Sorry. :(

I’d steer clear of the bigots.

Move. There are a lot of states to live in. Try CA. We’ll take you.

Adding on to @tinyfaery‘s response, New England isn’t such a bad place, either.

America is huge and there are many different communities. There are Americans who think just like you, and you could seek out those communities. They are as frustrated as you, if not more. Even my most conservative friends in Michigan were always ok with gay marriage. As far as maternity leave, I am sure a lot of Americans want it to be longer. Maybe there is a different city you both would be happier in? Lots of Canadians down here in FL enjoying the warm weather.

Having said that, I have said for many many years that one of the most difficult things to overcome in a relationship is when the two people want to live in different places. Although, it doesn’t sound like your SO is against living in Canada, but realistically you have a problem with living in two different places I guess.

If you get married then can she get into Canada without the monetary stipulation?

No country is perfect. I love living in Australia but I don’t approve of all our policies or the attitudes I come across. Still, I don’t agree with everything the UK does or the attitudes of all poms. How happy we are in life is more about the people we spend time with than government policies or community attitudes. As long as you can shut the door and be with the person you love, you can manage the rest.

There have been times while living here when I have seriously thought ‘I’m too disgusted to live here’ but then I’ve thought about it and where would I go where I agreed with everything?

Love your lady and if the time is right, move to the US. You can always save up and move to Canada when you have that $20,000.

Thanks, everyone! When I do make the move, I’ll be close enough to the border to visit home once in awhile.

I have a few good Canadian friends who moved to the U.S., they were awfully excited to come back home to visit family and friends. :) I’ll be okay.

@Mama_Cakes Does your girlfriend live in a very right wing area?

Texas would definitely not be your cup of tea. Most of it anyway.

@JLeslie Yes. Also a few a her family members. Pro-life, anti-gay and racist.

@Mama_Cakes Yikes.

@Mama_Cakes Well, I know I don’t have to state the obvious, but moving to a more liberal community might make you feel much better. And, she may not realize how great it is to be surrounded by people who are totally accepting. I don’t know how easy it is for her to move regarding her job.

@Mama_Cakes How can people be “pro life” and “anti gay” and “racist”? Those family members need an intervention, one where you know like when someone is afraid of flying and you finally get them on a plane and then push them out of it to learn how to skydive really quick and cope with the fear…it’s called learned helplessness.

None of it makes sense to me. Because how is someone pro life and then anti anything. So they want the babies to be born in a factory? OK. We need to start preaching equality for everything. Hate breeds hate.

If you decide to move over there my only advice to you is that you need to do what us canadians do best and kill them with kindness, eh! :)

@KaY_Jelly The one cousin is Penecostal and she’s the worst. Apparently, her cousin (my partner) and myself, we’re going to roast in hell. She also is a cop in Michigan and the racist shit that comes out her mouth is truly disgusting.

@Mama_Cakes Lovely. AFAIK, you’re not going to roast in hell. I believe in God, but I don’t go to church for the reason they are almost too faithful and can even make up there own stuff sometimes I swear. Geez, like she isn’t a sinner right? I guess your sins are just supposed to be way worse than hers? OK. Sometimes I just wish people would make sense. I can see why people get upset at many religious people. :/

This cousin needs a life lesson for realz. Of course shes a cop and thinks she is better than everyone, maybe you are better if you and your partner both move as close to the border as possible until you can save the money for her to move here… :/

If she told me I was going to roast in hell I would just tell her back, “I guess I’ll see you there then.”

I would have a really hard time being around that craziness, I understand why it bothers you so much mama. It’s so extreme. When I lived in TN there were people against gay marriage and very right wingish, but they were not so judgemental and rude.

This is the shit that I see them put up (Facebook). Her one cousin just put this up now.

Link

Haha. Wrong link.

Here it is.

Makes me think of this song.