How long do men need after a divorce to be ready for commitment versus a rebound?

Don’t want to rain on your parade but I’m guessing it would take me a few years to get over that. It’s losing a loved one, it’s not going to be a short time fix.

The last couple years of my marriage were pretty bad, and when I decided to move out to end receiving her abuse, I was done, finished, finito, I actually went on line with the intent of finding something almost immediately, but I guess that was rebound/refuge stuff, ore about finding someone who was sexually available and not about amything long term.

But after six months I was ready, and did meet someone who was beyond being a rebound. She was concerned about it being too quick for me, but over time we became so close that she is my closest friend and confidante, and, other than that she moved away for a great job opportunity, I’d ask her to marry me.

I believe everyone, male or female needs to take a LOT of space and time between relationships, especially after a divorce. Most men, especially many older men, in their 40’s and 50’s are chomping at the bit to find a new woman. I have been divorced 10 years and have dated some, but choose to not be in a relationship and have no desire to remarry. I like being single after years of being married.

7 months is nothing, I wouldn’t even consider a serious relationship with someone unless they had been single for several years and were not needy for a replacement partner.
Rebounds almost never work out and 7 months is waaay too soon to get involved in another serious relationship IMO.
I want a person that is functional and capable of being alone and likes their own company. I have a friend who is with a guy who latched onto her within weeks of his divorce, 4 years later they are having issues, and one of them is how needy he is.

The guy texts her about 100 times a day. He is 51! Gah…no way!
I think a lot of men need the go strokes of a new female to soothe their deflated egos.

No thanks…get straight with yourself and show me you can enjoy life on your own!
I have heard it takes one year for every 4–5 years of a relationship.
I was married 22 years and am JUST starting to, possibly, entertain the idea of another serious relationship after 10 years.

Better being single longer than latching on to the first person that returns your interest.
I saw this with my friend, the guy she is with was a band member for a group I hired for a party at my house 4 years ago. The guy was coming onto me, every other woman at the gig and then “settled” on my friend because she returned the interest. It was obvious that he was looking for ANYONE that would have him. Bleh!

I think it varies from person to person. My Ex initiated our split and apparently he was ready for a new partner after 8 months. I think he was “done” with me a long time before that. I formed a deep attachment to someone almost immediately but it has turned into a close friendship rather than a romance. I still care for my Ex deeply, does that mean I can’t fall for someone else at the same time? I don’t know; I think one’s capacity for individual growth varies and there is no set timetable for either men or women.

I think it does vary and like @Coloma said I need to know a guy can be single that he isn’t jumping forward just because he needs someone.

But like @janbb pointed out there are multiple factors involved. Sometimes the guy has moved on prior to seperating. Or has a very effective coping method.

I mean signs I would look for signs that individual hasn’t moved on. It usually is quite apparent.

Excessive talking about ex. Showing up for meals or always needing you to be there for meals wherever they are.
Being clingy.
Expecting you to conform to some specific behavoir aka grooming.
Never being able to go stag unless its a bacholer type event.
You get the idea…

Follow your instinct, its there, he shouldn’t be rushing you. If you feel rushed apply the brakes and see what he does.

I agree with @janbb – depends so much on the individual, his age, how long he was married and how he approached the divorce.

I’m the second-wife and I met my hubby at the end stage of his divorce, after they’d been legally separated twice (they reconciled briefly because she got pregnant) for over 18 months. On paper it sounds so bad, but you’d have to know my husband and the circumstances to know that he was entirely honorable and that his ex had not only cheated their entire brief marriage but had been actively dating all throughout their separations and divorce. Also, they’d been living apart, legally and financially separated in different cities for over a year before I met him.

I was beyond hesitant to get involved – especially when his ex contacted me directly and sent me misleading emails and then tried to stall the divorce (which by then was already about to be finalized, so she really had no mechanism to stall it—though she tried!) just to be vindictive. She didn’t want him back, she just didn’t want to see him happy!

As I’d never been married my parents and friends pushed really hard for me to not even consider him—but as I got to know him I knew he was not only a wonderful man but the best possible mate for me. He was worth it. Worth dealing with the crazy-ex and her shenanigans and worth standing-up for to my own family and friends.

Nearly 15 years later I can look back and see I made the right decision and even before we got married my own family got to know him and realized how wonderful he is, too. I’ve been told over and over what a wonderful husband and father and how lucky I am to have found him…by the same people who told me I was “too good” for him and I should stay away from him as he was “damaged goods” as a divorced single dad.

So, all this to say: only you can make the call whether he’s ready for a relationship. You have to get to know him, his motivations and also whether you’re even the right “fit” for him. All relationships are a bit of “good timing” and the right two people finding each other.

They were married 12 years, separated 18 months, then divorced for 7 months.

He DID seem a bit in a grief and confused period, which I mentioned to him right away. I’m guarding my heart and going extremely slow but also very much feel a strong connection to him I never have with anyone, even my ex when we were first together.

I’ll watch for these signs and besides, we live in different states anyway, so he’ll have plenty of time and space to grieve, at least from ME he will

Well, keep us updated on how it progresses.

Yup keep us updated.

Also I just want to say while you seem risk averse and there is nothing wrong with that.. don’t turn him into a regret just because he has a few red flags. Every one has a few… Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering.

I think it varies a lot based on the man, the length of time of the relationship, and most likely many other factors. My ex and I were not happy for a long, long time before we finally divorced. We have been divorced for four years now. I still do not think he is ready for a new relationship. I say this because he has had several women in the time since we broke up but no relationship has lasted more than a couple of months. That and the fact that he still seems to spend most of his time plotting ways to get back at my new husband and me.

The best way for you to tell is to do what you are doing, go slow, keep talking (and talking more then talking some more), get to know each other. Slowly but surely you will find out whether he is ready for a new relationship.

UPDATE :
He is sleeping with a girl lol who slept with him within 5 dates.

soooo, I said, “well I really appreciate you telling me”
He said, “telling you what?”
I said, “About the GIRL”
He said, “You didn’t tell me you were dating”

I am always dating but do not sleep with my dates as it’s just how I am…

I said, “well, your situation is different, obviously, and I appreciate you telling me”

My phone went dead, LUCKILY, at that point, but I think I will disappear after we chat today and let this guy do what he needs to do as it’s only been 7 months.

He can text me and I will answer, but he doesn’t live here anyway and I’m not initiating anything after we chat a bit today.

Is this good?

If he’s having a relationship (sex) with another person but talking to you (e.g. if he had a romantic interest in you) then I think you dodged a bullet by deciding to not get more serious with him and/or walking away.

You know who I feel sorry for? That girl that he’s sleeping with..because he’s “with” her but has been talking to you…

Let it end .

In case anyone is still following this lame story, we still text once or twice a month. He has sent me a few new photos, one being him walking on the beach. I actually asked for one of him at the beach and he took the time and made the effort to have a friend take a photo of him walking the beach. I found this very sweet considering the annoyance of a man having to go through those steps while on a guys weekend vacation. We definitely had a connection.
That being said, I am disappearing for now, again, and letting HIM make the next move of any kind, whether to text, call me, or come to Texas and visit, which was our original intent in June.
The fact that I was clearly unwilling to get into a sexual relationship with him has had an effect on him but I’m not sure if it’s all bad, or possibly good. Maybe it’s the one thing that makes me stand out among the women he comes into contact with as he is a very handsome man.
I’ve read that men respond to distance over words, so I’m dropping out with my dignity in check.

Yes, GeekyMama, you are absolutely right. His connection is definitely with me, only we live hours apart and literally cannot see each other enough to establish anything.

If I were involved intimately with a man, he BEST not be texting and sending beach photos to some girl across the country.
Better to be ME in this case