Does anyone else hate the phrase "How are you?"?

It’s a standard polite greeting that goes with “hello”. I see no reason to hate it. In fact, if you’re in some other countries (especially Latin ones) , it’s considered the pinnacle of rudeness NOT to say it (especially as phone etiquette) and it pegs you as a rude American.

I agree with the OP It seems to have become standard usage in the past several years and I find it annoying and pointless.

It’s not about honesty, it’s a formality.

The alternative would be to give up all manner of politeness. Strangers don’t really expect a deep or in depth answer to ‘how are you.’
That is for you as much as it is for them. Your privacy and boundaries are respected as much as there’s.

I think we give away personal info much too easily. Our lives become fact sheets. Without the nuance and place of reference behind it all.

So new people may begin simple basic ‘how are you’ a shared anecdote a laugh. And slowly without assimilating a fact sheet of data points on you they see a bigger picture of you overtime. The slow reveal.

For established relationships we don’t always have time to catch up with the nitty gritty details. Just in passing a quick wellness check until we can meet up and have a real conversation. It doesn’t mean we don’t care just that we are busy.

As to business transactions it can mean a little bit of lubrication turning a chore into something more interesting. Giving warmth and good will leaving a good impression. It is bidirectional as well.

Shall we stop saying hello, goodbye, thank you, your welcome, because they Can be meaningless verbal tokens? That would be unfortunate. I suggest subscribe more meaning to your formalities and you will have a growing appreciation for it.

@Rarebear Ha! Ha! So true. When I call my aunts the conversations go like this.
Me: Hola Titi, (Hello, auntie)
Como estas? Y la familia? (How are you? And the family?)

Auntie : Oh, so, so. More or less the same usual problems. Went to the doctor yesterday and he found about 10 new ailments (lists them all followed by treatments and then goes into all family mishaps or blessings , followed by we are blessed and I hope God continues to bless us.

Antie:, And you and your family? How is your mom, brothers, sisters , kids husband and even the dog? Then she waits for you to fill her in on everything. And then auntie follows it with I pray God continues to bless you all.

@chelle21689
My point it is never short. Nor is it just to be polite with latinos. It is a facebook update. LOL

But if I ever called my aunt for a quick second to ask something and I forget to say,“How are you”, then my name will be mud for a while. My mom will get a call and my aunts will casually mentioned how something must be wrong because I seemed in such a rush. And they will milk my mom for info and my mom will be annoyed with me for making her go through having to explain that absolutely nothing is wrong. If she doesn’t than by the time it makes its rounds around the family, either I am a snotty rude niece or there may be problems in my marriage or problems with my kids. They assume you are withholding something and there is a major crisis in your life that has caused you to be rude because you were such a nice girl before.

It’s just a social nicety. Try not to get too upset at things that are supposed to inject a little courtesy into life.

When I’m not doing well, I find I’m able to answer honestly and briefly with something like, “Meh, I’ve been better” or “I’ve had better days, but hey I’m alive”, followed immediately by “How are you?” If the person asking is a stranger, that usually cuts off any follow-up questions and redirects the conversation back to them. If it’s a friend, and they want more info, they can ask.

Ellen Degeneres (starting at 2:30) has a joke about this. :)

Its a great way to start a conversation or break the ice. I don’t think that it warrants it to be hated. You are probably in a bad mood that’s why its not so appealing to you. I do agree though that there are other ways to start a convo, such as “great shirt” or “nice hair”

Although you are right, I save my hate for more important issues.
”‘S’up?” is another irritating one, as are many social exchanges we encounter. Have a good day has become, “Have a good one.” “Be good.” “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “Don’t take any wooden nickels.” Trite jargon is usually a bore, but it’s not worth hate.

I like it, because it’s a polite term. It isn’t meant to be disingenuous, nor is it meant to be asking a person for their whole laundry list of complaints. It’s just a polite acknowledgement of another person’s existence, when they come into your presence.

It beats the alternative. I used to work with a woman who would come barreling down the hall, right into the area where I did most of my work and she would never look up, never say hello, always had a scowl on her face, and on more than one occasion, she would be walking towards a door, seeing that I or someone else had an armload full of packages, and she would open the door, walk through, and let it slam in my face. That was a lot worse than if she had just paused and asked me, “How are you?” or held the door for me.

I like the idea of having a set of polite niceties so that everyone can know how to act and not have to figure it out.

<shrug> I answer it honestly. If they don’t want the answer, perhaps they’ll learn not to ask.

I don’t particularly hate the phrase – I do hate that some people use it as verbal filler instead of speaking mindfully.

No not in a bad mood.

Thank you and welcome are different. With how are you the question asked…some people don’t wait for you to answer and some people don’t answer when you ask

I agree that “How are you?” is just a pleasant social phrase and no cause for offense.

Sometimes, I’ll have an answer to share, but I keep it brief (“I’m loving this perfect weather. You, too?” “I just recovered from a miserable cold, and I’m feeling great now.”) About 99% of the time, the other person is sincerely interested. “How are you?” can be an ice-breaker that leads to a nice conversation.

I think it is fine if the person is really looking for an answer but it has become often a meaningless greeting. When that is the case , I don’t see why plain old “hi” doesn’t suffice.

Perhaps we could put our hand on the others heart and say “I see you” instead?

When you use this in Germany (in German), people will often elaborate on how they are doing. You can expect a lengthy answer. Inexperienced German tourists are said to irritate Americans who use the phrase as a greeting and get a story in return…

@mattbrowne I’ve known Europeans who are irritated by the brush-off their responses receive from North Americans, and rightfully so. But for the person giving the brush-off to be irritated? That is terrible!

@janbb I agree. I think “how’s your day going” is better than “how are you”

@chelle21689 I don’t really see the distinction between the two. I think either one is better than saying nothing at all.

I’d rather be greeted by a friend or stranger with a simple pleasantry than be ignored. It’s common courtesy to acknowledge by others and be acknowledged in return.

Why would you hate it? It’s a nice way to say “What’s up? Are you doing well?” I personally think it’s very nice to say it.

@mattbrowne For a bit there I was on extreme honesty tangent and got tired of pat responses. So I would tell a story of whatever that came to mind.

The looks and inching away eventually changed that. However everynow and again when the mood hits I will chatter away. It is sort of amusing.

My interpretation of “How are you?” is just that of a greeting like “Howdy”. And as long as my heart is beating I typically answer “Terrific, and you?”.

The truth is that no one really cares how you are. This just a game that people like to play. Fun stuff.

Good grief, folks, it’s a conventional pleasantry. Everyone get a grip.

I don’t really hate when it’s said I just hate when people don’t reply back when asked how they are. It’s rude

I just hate it when people answer honestly and not with some trite pap.

@rojo Would you hate it if someone were to say, “I’m exhausted, because I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Does that ever happen to you?”

I think we all regret asking, “How are you?”, when the answer is a rambling dialogue about the person’s every ache, pain, problem, and woe. But, do you really mind an honest answer that’s, say 20 words or fewer?

No, I don’t. Unfortunately most of whom I speak do not stop at 20.