Why do some turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain while some just suffer?

You do realize people are variants and certainly not the same blank slates that some would have you believe they are.

Some are more resilient than others, along a normally distributed continuum of people.

I think that your observation that “the first way I outlined could lead to even more problems” is rarely evident to those who chose it. Or they are seeking the comfort/pain-relief in the short term and push dealing with the complications, and the original problem, later.
In a stress situation, the second option might seem like more stress, and too much to bear.

People in the first situation may see it as a better alternative to suicide, depression or anxiety meds. They also may put more importance on immediate gratification or really don’t see a future for themselves. Others don’t care. Maybe they are simply risk takers who think they can beat the odds or that perhaps is the only coping mechanism they have been taught.

People who just suffer are pretty miserable to be around. It takes more then just wallowing in suffering to move on. I for example have a friend who is still grieving for a relationship he lost over two years ago. He is stuck and I have stated that as well as the fact that I am done listening to him. Listening isn’t helping. But he is drug and mostly alcohol free and on no meds. So by your standards he should be good right?

People who do drugs or drink alcohol want to forget about it so they do stuff they’re usually not supposed to do. There is no specific ‘reason’ why people choose depression over alcohol or drugs, or alcohol and drugs over depression. It depends on the person, the situation, their personality. It could lead to worse—suicide. I think your opinion is kind of mean. What they choose to do is natural.

People who have a good support mech have the help they need to work through what hurts. In today’s ever isolated culture there are scads of lonely, or, alone people who do the best they can. IMHO it’s easier to make unwise decisions if all you have to get advise from is yourself.

Part of the answer is genetic susceptibility. Part of it is the behavior that was modeled for them by people around them.

Different people with different pains and different way of dealing with it.

Unless someone here admits to being a drug addict or an alcoholic who really knows? If no one here is confessing to succumbing to booze or self-medicating, the only way you might get a straight answer is to attend an AA or NA meeting.

I think your question is limiting the way individuals deal with trauma or pressure. It isn’t drugs OR depression, those are your choices, choose ONE.

Some people fall into obsessive thoughts like “If I were skinnier, I wouldn’t have this problem” or “If I hurt myself, nobody can hurt me more”.

You might lump that under “depression” but you could also throw substance dependence into that same umbrella.

The late, great Mitch Hedberg said: “Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only disease you can get blamed for having. ‘Dammit, Otto! You’re an alcoholic!’ versus ‘Dammit, Otto, you have Lupus!’”

Any addiction, whether it’s to whiskey or self-pity, is symptomatic.

I think there are multiple reasons and they don’t all have to be present or they can all occur at once or any combination in-between.

1. Learned behavior. The person has been told or has witnessed their parents using alcohol to relax during stressful times. Even worse, it is normal to drink daily. I think if drinking is a normal routine it can more easily become abused.

2. Genetic tendency towards addiction.

3. I think some people really get a much better feeling from the alcohol, stronger chemical reaction in the brain, than others. Maybe this is actually part of answer 2.

4. The majority of the alcoholics I know have a lot of underlying pain in their life from childhood. They seem to view life a certain way, have a lot of anger, and feel they were targeted or cheated. Not always true of course, but I see it a lot.

Also, I don’t know if you are including people who go on antidepressants or antianxiety medication? Alcohol is self medicating, but a percentage of people who take prescribed drugs are kind of in the same boat. If I ever went through an accutely traumatic time again, I would ask for Xanax. It helped me through a very bad time years ago. I was really unable to function, and the physical problems I was having were like a torture. I have no idea if alcohol would have helped, but Xanax for a few weeks was a gift. I don’t see how alcohol would have helped actually. Xanax for me was purely to get rid of the physical manifestation of my sadness; while I think people drink to turn off their thoughts and try to rest. Again generalizations. Everyone is different.

@Unbroken no; I wouldn’t say he’s good. That would be mean. He certainly isn’t good at all. I think he’ll be fine if it’s been two years. If not, he may have another issue along with grieving. I find widowers I know who grieve for plus or minus a year then they find someone else. I don’t know about widows; I have only known one and she seemed to recover from her spouse’s death at around the nine month mark but still missed him. Then she began getting sick with COPD and died six months after that illness. She had smoked for a very long time.
An old friend of mine had a wife of 45 years who died last month. He took it pretty hard. Now he has upped his volunteer work, possibly as a tool to help with the loneliness and sadness.

Some people are weak minded. They are unhappy with their life. I agree that drugs and alcohol addictions can be hereditary/environment. I would guess that people go the easy/more comfortable way out of this and drink.