How do you handle confrontation?

Poorly based on the exchange I just had with a lady.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Care to share?

Insecurity breeds a lack of appreciation of how one’s actions will affect the feelings of another.

I don’t consider myself consequential. I think my actions are of little impact. Those who care about me find my actions monumental, and I do not always appreciate that.

I do my best without being intimidated. How does anybody else handle it?

Physical… One of us is going to the hospital.

Verbal… With smiles, patience, submissive body language, and as much empathy as I can muster.

Diplomatically.

Fuck off Bob.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Are you saying that people in general are typically insecure? Although I think a lot of people feel that way about actions being of little impact. I feel much same least.

Maybe that is a good thing in an odd way?

@josie In short with tact, respect and being assertive, but trying to do in a confident manner so as people do not mistake it for a lack of backbone. Bit a of a balancing act for me really.

Although that is verbal. Physical can be dramatically different. Remaining calm is constant though in both if it can be pulled off. Therefore I can make better decisions.

Very well thank you. haha
I am diplomatic but clear, firm, articulate and pretty damn direct. Infact, much to my chagrin I am dealing with a passive aggressive employer right now. OMG!

I HATE passive aggressive types to the core of my being and could throttle them with my bare hands.
I initiated a “confrontation” today. My boss, the passive aggressive gave in to my request for a raise a few weeks ago but was, as is typical, not clear as to how much or when it would go into effect. I clarified today, and she was clearly pissed off and said ” Your raise will be x amount, effective as of the first.

Then she abruptly said ” I have to go.”
I just said ” Thank You!”
I am happy enough, but of course she low balled my request but not by much. You have to ask for what you want…and I do!

You better believe I am worth it and I know, she knows, this is true and doesn’t want to lose me. Yeah well…you’ve met your match Ms. Passive aggressive. Besides, it is loads of fun to watch those that hate confrontation squirm when confronted with direct communication. lol

@LDRSHIP I find those among my friends who make a point to project confidence are typically the friends who admit to me later they are on medication and tend to cry on my shoulder after a few drinks.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Well. That escalated quickly. Haha.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Forcing confidence, and being confident, and being cocky I guess can all blurred almost? Everyone is human though tears are tears.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Suck my big black cock, beeyatch! I think we could work together if we set our differences aside.

@Coloma Haha, sounds like an annoying situation. Least it seems you two are handling it. Do you think it will help make things easier for future communications? Or it will remain this way?

@LDRSHIP No. This woman is a total bitch, and passive aggressive as hell. When she has to concede she does it with great annoyance, but….it is obvious when I stated my case for a raise she had no rebuttal argument. I just stick to the facts and this pisses off passive aggressive people to no end because they are emotional “reasoners.”
Gah!
I may be a women with emotions but I am also a logical and critical thinker which fucks with most overly emotional women.
I despise tryi9ng to reason with emotional “thinkers.” lol

How do you handle confrontation? Not very well if it’s physical. As far as verbally I’d say it depends. The sex of the offender matters too. A confrontation with a guy allows me more options than a confrontation with a female. Actually you’re kind of helpless as a guy when a chic decides to make your life a living hell. I’d gotten lucky with an incident with a younger girl where I was working last year, because I was lucky enough to have my female boss back me up.

If I decide to take a stand, I use a measured tone, a calm voice, and as few words as possible. I don’t apologize, I don’t grovel and I don’t repeat myself. I say what I have to say and then use the silence to allow my interlocutor to have his turn.

I also am sure ahead of time that I have a very vallid point.

I try to avoid it all together, not worth the hassle.

In an argument, I first make sure I am positive I am correct before I argue. I will verify my facts. I want to make sure I don’t look like an idiot.

If it’s correspondence, I think about what I want to write and I will wait until my emotions calm down before I write it. I’ll write it and edit it and think about it before I send it.

If it’s verbal, it’s hard to answer this because it depends on the circumstances. I don’t usually get into verbal arguments with people. I try to be diplomatic but that doesn’t mean I’m weak. I have a job where diplomacy is important but it’s also a job where we have to be “quick on our feet” and argue or defend ourselves a lot.

Physically confronted, I take that to mean you’re asking about a physical fight? I have not had that happen as an adult. I guess that also would be hard to answer because it would depend on the circumstances.

My colleague is very passive aggressive and she does it well. I hate her. Lately, I have found I am thinking about it even when I’m not there, like today, and dreading going in tomorrow. I am being pathetic and trying to avoid her, but thats not easy because we are in quite an enclosed space. I think because she knows she can walk all over me, she does. I tell others and they look at me like I have 3 heads and say “Andrea isn’t like that, why don’t you like her”. I could do with a few people from this thread to come and sort her out.

@Headhurts: Ask a q about it and put details in it.

I choose my battles carefully, and then do my best to avoid them.

Think long and hard before responding. Then think again. And again.

9 times out of 10 it’s blown past before I’m done thinking. On that rare occasion when it has not, I ask myself, “Is this the hill I’m willing to die on?” If the answer is yes, I come out with guns blazing. If the answer is no, I get back to chopping vegetables and stacking wood.

If a minor disagreement, then I listen to their side first.
To try and see their view.
We both state our sides on the matter.

IF on the other hand the other person is emotional,and angry,
then I wait at least 24 hours on the matter before bringing it to
their attention again.( if it is worth it)?
Any abusive language or disrepect I leave that person alone!
If a mature person cannot have a civil conversation without the
anger and emotional
outbursts,then I will not have naything to do with that person
until THEY grow up or get therapy.
I refuse to be somebody’s punching bag.

@Headhurts “I could do with a few people from this thread to come and sort her out.”

A pocket recorder and an appointment with the supervisor is all you need.

That’s the nicest non confrontational way to address your concerns.

Of course, if the supervisor brushes you off, then follow up immediately with a journal logging events. Start it now and from the past perspective. Supervisors need something put into their hands to take things seriously.

Verbal abuse, I’ll ignore it, although not because I’m diplomatic or anything. Just because I want to avoid it, but if the person doesn’t stop, I can be mean too. If the confrontation is warranted though, I am mature about it, and will handle it as such. If something needs to be talked over or fixed, I can do that. But if the person just wants to insult me or something, fuck em.
As far as physical confrontation goes, I’ll avoid it at any cost, but I’m pretty sure I can defend myself if I absolutely have to. ’‘hisses’’

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thanks, they all love her though, think she is great.

They won’t after you record her abusing you. Perhaps they think she’s great because she’s targeting you now instead of them. Kind of a don’t poke the bear mentality.

If nothing’s at stake, (1) laugh at the person, (2) turn your back and walk away, or (2) with your most serious face and in your most serious voice, say, “Shut up.” I’m amazed by the power of a good “shut up” said with conviction. The antagonist doesn’t see that one coming, and he/she is usually immobilized by it.

If something’s at stake, I send my husband to deal with it. Yes, some of you think that I’m regressing feminism by about 40 years, but Paul has a law degree, expresses himself brilliantly, and can turn any adversary into a friend. We get free car repairs all the time, simply because my incredible Paul explains to the garage workers that the problems are their fault, not ours.

Years ago, I had a nosy colleague who was extremely confrontational. She was always interrupting conversations to ask, “What are you talking about?” If someone were leaving the office for a meeting, she’d demand to know where the person was going and why.

After a while, when I was her target, I just started saying, “This doesn’t concern you.” One time, when I heading off to a client’s office, she did her usual where-and-why thing. I told her that I was going to visit The American Society of Mind Your Own Business.

Oddly enough, this person grew to like and respect me. Go figure!

@SadieMartinPaul Haha…great snappy comeback, and, I bet your husband is an I/ENTP personality, we are very verbally fluent, articulate and charming. lol
Known for our great ability to explain ourselves and situations well, succinctly, and with subtle but no nonsense conviction. :-)