Should I stick up for myself against my step-mother?
Asked by
Feta (
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July 26th, 2013
I’ve posted several questions here before about her.
But it’s getting really bad now. I heard her on the phone, actually heard her, calling me a “bitch” and a “spoiled little ass” to my dad. I told him I heard her and asked him if he was okay with her talking about me like that and he nodded “yes”. And then I heard her on the phone, “Was that (my name)? Oh, she’s not letting you get ready for work? I heard her voice.” And he told her that I heard what she said and she got really defensive like, “What?! How can she hear me through the phone?!!”
So he said we would have a family talk because he didn’t like the way she was acting. We never did. I keep reminding him and he acts like he doesn’t want to because what I have to say would hurt her feelings. Even though she hurts MY feelings all the time and he says nothing.
Yesterday I went downstairs to do my laundry and a load of her pajamas was still sitting in the washing machine. It was almost dry so I put it in the dryer.
Well apparently she never went down and got it and now it’s my fault that her clothes are wrinkly.
She wrote me a note saying that she was doing her laundry for work (it was pajamas) and I made her clothes wrinkly and now she can’t wear them and I should have waited until my designated time to do my laundry (apparently I’m only allowed to do my laundry on Sunday, but she’s allowed to do hers any day she feels like…even on my Sunday).
She also told me not to leave my clothes in the dryer and that she doesn’t want to see my clothes down there “anymore”.
However…I always bring my clothes up…and yet, I’ve taken out her clothes and folded them and brought them to her room SEVERAL times just recently.
So I wrote her a note in response telling her everything I just typed here and stapled it to hers and put it on the refrigerator.
I’m nervous she’s going to fly off the handle. Should I take it down? I’m tired of bending over for her like my dad does, I’m sick of it and I want to defend myself if my dad isn’t going to stick up for me.
Should I leave it up?
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12 Answers
You are not going to win this one, or likely any of the other battles as long as your dad refuses to stick up for you. How much longer do you have before you can move out?
It’s impossible to reason with someone who’s irrational (step-mom). It’s equally impossible to expect someone who’s cowed and intimidated to grow a backbone (dad).
Lay low, make as few waves as possible, and count the days until you can leave that household.
Well she’s home now she’s going to see it.
I told my dad about it and he told me to “calm down” and remove the note.
But I didn’t. I’m going to defend myself and if she gets nasty I’m calling CPS for the emotional abuse and her mental instability . Also the neglect because I’m depressed and have attempted suicide 6 times since living here for 3 years and she refuses to acknowledge my need for help because she took a psychology class in college and her unprofessional opinion is that I’m not depressed.
I’ve already located a “safe haven” where I can go and they’ll call for me.
Watch some episodes of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares/Hells Kitchen, and practice in front of a mirror. You need to prepare yourself for an all out battle.
I feel sorry for your father stuck between the two of you.
He is in the uncomforable position that you two put him in,and that is that HE is pressured to choose!
Both you and your step mother do not “CARE’ about him.
I would not be surprised IF he leaves the both of you?
Counselling is in order here…go all three of you to finds out the REAL reason that you are fighting.
The step Mom feels set aside by her new husband and you feel the same way about her and your father.
Both woman are trying to drive each other out of this Family?
Who will win?.....the father, when he has had enough.
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When I had a step child ( age 14 yrs old) I DID NOT disciple him…his father did.
I NEVER got between the two EVER.
This has to be understood by her and you.
Your father is afraid to choose and rightly so as HE will suffer the loss of one or both
people that he loves.
Defenitly a counsellor should intervene to set boundaries etc.
It takes two to fight, one to start and the other to finish it.
IF you say nothing what could she do?(Probably go to your father)?
@Feta Sorry, but if your father doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her, you’re pretty much screwed. You could try counselors but I think she has him pussy whipped. You could try CPS but what if you get thrown into a worse situation?
I am sorry about your situation.
There doesn’t seem to be muc to be done about it so get out of your head and home situation and get involvedin things.
The larger your life becomes the more perspective and the less impact these behavoirs have on You and may deescalate the situation a bit.
May I also suggest you read The New Codependancy by Melody Beattle in order to learn effective coping strategies.
The note will not be well recieved and only deepen the revenge cycle as calling CPS might.
Can you get a teacher or counsellor of sorts to intervene. For example if a teacher calls your father in he will get another opinion regards her behavior towards you. Or most importantly understand your distress. It is your fathers responsibility to discipline you, not hers, I feel welfare should get involved in your case since you are the child and they are the adults. The family dynamic is skew (as often is the case with step parents and so on).
Consider family therapy. None of you can see what’s behind all this acting out. It would be good for all of you. A church counselor could help is you don’t live where family counselors are available.
Family therapy is only going to work if all 3 people are willing to go, together and separately. It seems like moving out or going away to school are better options, at least, they’ll be quicker.
@Feta how old are you?
According to a previous question @Feta asked, she was 17 two months ago. How much longer until your next birthday dear?
I think the problem is on your father.
The relationship is between your father and the woman, so if you want to change the situation, talk to your father and hope everything could be better.
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